My husband, who has dementia, has been in an Alzheimer facility for two years. Recently, he is also in the Hospice program there and has been transferred to a hospital bed. The director of the facility told me that lifting him in and out is not the responsibility of the staff, so I should hire a care giver.
The reason he was sent there was that I could not cope with his wandering, his hiding things, and his getting up several times at night and urinating on the floor. For some time, I have been in fear of not getting to the facility as he approaches death.
so my question is, now that he is basically unable to move, can I bring him home? Now, he can enjoy the birds from our porch in the woods. In the fall and winter in the city, he can enjoy our large music collection. I could hire full-time caregivers.
So my question is:
Is my idea realistic? Can I hire proper help?
If that is the case you could look into transferring him to a Skilled Nursing facility. You can ask Hospice about that.
Can you care for him at home?
You will still need a caregiver. One person can not be there 24/7 and do all that needs to be done. Hiring GOOD caregivers is difficult. If he is a Veteran the VA might be of help there are programs that can offset this expense. Can you get him into a Hoyer Sling, get him lifted up into a wheelchair? Can you change his bedding with him still in the bed? Can you change him, clean him while he is still in bed? Do you have a house where you have the room to use the equipment that you will need? Is there a room on the first floor where you can put his bed so that he will not be isolated? (a bedroom is isolated, he needs stimulation of people and activity) A living room, dining room are solutions.
I would discuss this with your Hospice team and see what the Nurse and the Social Worker say.
Is there a place that is close that can use equipment to transfer him to a wheelchair from the bed? Do they have a bed available?
You could try bringing him home and if it does not work out you can then transfer him to the facility that can care for him.
And if not being there when he dies is your concern Hospice will inform you when there are signs that they see that indicate that he is close to death. But that is not foolproof. I was in the next room and heard my Husband become restless, I went to get up and then he became quiet again, I fell asleep, I woke about 10 minutes later and he had died.
The Hospice nurse told me that death is private and many people will wait until their loved one leaves the room before they die. So even being in the same hose will not guarantee that you will be by his side when he dies,.
Your base is that you want to be there when he dies, that's it in a nutshell to ease your fear. Many do not want to die while a LO is present, it is not about when he dies, it is about today, what is best for him today.
You are not that powerful to determine when he dies, you could step out of the room and he dies, that is what happened to my father. He was at the end of his life, I stepped out of the room to get something to eat, when I returned, he was gone. I was fine with it, I had said my goodbyes, told him that it was ok for him to die, and he did.
Hire a caregiver for him in hospice, he is bedridden, are you planning to push his hospital bed out to the porch and back in again? You have no understanding of what you are in for.
Let him be, it is best for both of you.
I wish you the best.