My parents are 87 yrs old with dementia living at home. I’m their daughter who lives across town, I go over to visit every other day. I organize their pill boxes weekly. Sometimes they forget to take their meds and I give them a hard time about it.
I discovered hidden in a cupboard wrapped in tissue, a few days worth of both parents meds. Of course I was puzzled and upset. Are they giving up? Tired of taking these meds? I have not approached them yet. I need advice on how to handle this difficult situation! Thanks. ACM. (Only sibling in town )😬.
This is going to be another hurdle for you to jump. I wish I could tell you how.
Forgetting to take medication, not knowing what to do with the medication, being confused as to when and how to take it is the tip of the iceberg.
What else is going on that you are unaware of?
Does the stove get left on?
Does either of them wander? A walk around the block now might not be a problem but what happens when one or the other can not find their way home?
Does either of them drive?
A caregiver, or "companion" might help during the day if they do not need "hands on care" a companion can not give medications but they can remind, put the medication in front of them and watch that it is taken,
Are they safe in the house? Or is it time to consider Assisted Living that may transition into Memory Care?
Is there Adult Day Care in your area that they could go to a few days a week? That would keep them occupied and socializing. Some Memory Care Facilities have Day Care..with the hope that if it came to placing someone you would select that place since the person would know the staff, the facility and the routine.
I would not quiz them about hiding or hoarding the medications as they probably have no recollection that it was done.
By the way you might want to discuss with their doctors what if any of the medications can be discontinued. Given that they both have dementia, a condition that will not get better and is not curable, maybe some of the medications are not necessary any longer. Is a medication for lowering cholesterol doing either any good? if they are taking medication for the dementia to slow the progression, is that doing any good (if it ever did)? I would discontinue any medications that are not actually needed. But do so under the direction of the doctor, some have to be withdrawn slowly.
Actually some people with dementia hide the meds because they are afraid of running out and they think that they will die if they don't have them.
Most likely they have no clue where they put them.
See if swallowing pills has become difficult, if there are side effects you aren’t aware of, anything like that. Maybe they are just tired of taking meds and not seeing or feeling any benefits. And maybe the dementia is causing more issues than you’ve seen before
I would be concerned if any other pills were not taken and or stashed elsewhere or even thrown in the trash. Could be a red flag, don’t you think?
Are they alone in the house? No aides helping you? Maybe it’s time to have someone with them or if possible they could go into a facility.
Best wishes for you and your family.
Everyone has forgotten to take their meds on occasion.
If you lighten up a bit, stop giving them a hard time about it, you can more easily deal with the meds without becoming puzzled and upset.
Get a special bottle for them to place their missed meds in, and say you will deal with it later.
Your discovery may be an indication they need calls for medication reminders. Or a higher level of care.
Do you have any indications that they may be giving up? Make sure you are not jumping to conclusions. Make sure you are not burning out caring for them. Use the caregivers on this forum to talk it out, as a sounding board, and as a resource for ideas.
All aging parents would be so lucky to have a daughter care so much about their welfare and daily activities. Keep doing the good job that you are doing!
Plus how do people get extra? A script is written for a specific amount. Insurance approval is needed. I have had a pharmacist sell me a few pills when needed before my script was approved due to an insurance issue. Is that what you are referring to?
I'm sorry that you had to quit your job to care for them for that will hurt your own retirement.
The first thing to do is to speak to them calmly, gently, quietly and with much love. "Mom, I found yours and Dad's medications wrapped in some tissue, and not taken. Can you tell me about that". To be frank, were they attempting with rationality not to take them they would have disposed of them in a manner in which you would not have found them.
You have said that you feel it is a possibility they have given up. I think the more "likely" explanation is that this is "the disease". And they may not be able to stay alone safely and with assurance that their pills are taken at this point. I shudder to think you are the only sibling in town. You go now every few days. It may be, if you cannot enlist help, that you are down to once a day, and that all pills must BE once a day meds (which means trip to doc if they are more than that).
I think the main thing here is that the two of them may soon not be safe alone at home. I shudder to think it and I know you do, as well.
Start with finding out if they are in control of this. Only way to know if they even know the answer to that is to gently ask them. Do not SCARE them. Simply ask them. Good luck. Update us if you will, as I am so curious is there is a rational explanation.
As to "what to do", I doubt that there is much you can do except monitor them more closely, think reminder calls or some sort of alarm system, get a locked timed dispenser, getting additional in home care, or begin thinking of Assisted living for them, which will likely be financed by selling their home, unless they have well funded retirement income. I hope that you have POA for both Medical and Financial, if not do it NOW before it is too late!
Assisted living will be most helpful for you, in that they would be monitored and it would take a lot of of your plate in the everyday management of them, but of course you will still be involved in their care, but it would allow you to be their daughter again, and not their full time Caregiver.
I definitely would consider it, and begin the process of looking into it, as the sooner they are place in the downhill spiral of Dementia, the easier it is for them to adjust to their new surroundings. It is only going to become more and more difficult from here for you, medication mistakes are just the beginning! Please don't become another Burnout Caregiver as it will eat up your whole life, and that is going to become a repeat theme you will hear, here on the forum, we all want You to remain healthy in the Caregiver Marathon! Good luck!
Also, a medical professional or social worker needs to determine whether they are forgetting meds occasionally and hiding to avoid being scolded or if they no longer want to take meds and should be evaluated for hospice. We also do not know if anyone has medical POA.
But at the very least, these folks should not be on their own...and it will only get worse.
Approach them the way you would approach a child - "it's ok that you forgot - please take your pills now, while I am here."
My father told me that he learned it's ok to miss them sometimes, just not often. He found out that he could easily go a week or more without some of the pills and no bad effects. Mind you, he took the pills daily, but who hasn't forgotten to take their vitamins sometimes.
the alarm helped to remind her and they were automatically dispensed to the cup. One of us there at some point every day, but seemed to keep her on track for the times we weren’t there.
After filling the box, I also locked up the rest of the pill bottles to ensure they were safe and not messed with. At first my mom was upset, but then she eventually forgot about it. I was careful to put them away when she wasn’t looking to not re-hash the argument.
I do agree with others about asking the doctor(s) what meds can be eliminated, for instance cholesterol, as those may not really benefit someone with dementia so much.
my friend has a med dispenser that tells her when to take meds
at certains times of day, if she doesn't someone calls her, not sure
who, if its the doctor or service of the machine.
Its good to ask them why, maybe they are experiencing so sort of
bad side effects from the meds
This would be something to ask their Doctor about.
Almost anything could have resulted in these medications' ending up where you found them. E.g.
They have gone off the idea of taking medications, for some reason with a real or imaginary basis, but were reluctant to tell you about it.
They thought the medications should be put away safely.
One or both of them was feeling under the weather and they weren't sure about whether to take their meds and didn't know who to ask, so they came up with the hiding solution instead.
One of them thinks they should take their meds, the other doesn't, the one who does put them away for "later."
Create your own scenario - endless possibilities!
Ask them, nicely. If they can't tell you or don't want to talk about it, don't push them. If you have authorisation, call their doctor and/or pharmacist and take advice.
Incidentally... what were you doing in that cupboard, if you don't mind my asking? What sort of cupboard was it?
By the way, too; the trouble with all of these gadgets - dosette boxes, blister packs, pill reminders etc. - is that they assume too much. They assume that:
the person will hear the alarm
the person will connect the alarm with taking medication
the person will be able to access the box
the person will be able to manipulate the contents out of the box or compartment
the person will be able to fetch a glass of water
the person will not drop anything
if the person does drop one tablet in five, say, the person will know which one it was and where it went
the person will be able to continue the task to its conclusion
and if you ask me a frail, mentally frail older person cannot be relied on for any one of those things. I don't mean to be sweeping, I have met many very elderly people who are in full command of their prescriptions and doing fine; but once problems do emerge the solution is rarely as simple as a clever little gizmo.
Safe administration of medicines requires a whole training course of its own. If I were you, I should be inclined to talk this through with them and their doctor *anyway*, even if they do explain the recent tissue incident satisfactorily, because it is only going to get more difficult.
It might be worth a moment's sober reflection that if they're afraid you'll be angry with them, they could conceal from you something much more important than this. Perhaps have a talk with them and give them a firm undertaking that you will NEVER be annoyed with them, but you will be worried if they're keeping information from you.