Hi to all of my friends - it's Maximus. My parents in their 90's just told me they invited a couple over for dinner that they never met in person, except they spoke by phone. My mom dialed their number by mistake and my dad dialed the number back and spoke to this stranger who said he's from Brooklyn, where my parents are from. I think they're lonely and looking for people who have something in common. Is this normal to invite strangers over? My mom said we should meet them in a restaurant, not in our home. I told them not to do this and my dad said don't be silly. P.S. Hope you are all well - Maximus
Sounds like they shouldn't be living alone anymore if their judgment is this impaired.
While this is somewhat similar to online dating - it's also not really. It is more inline with much younger teens meeting predators online - at least it feels like that. It may be perfectly harmless. But it may not be.
While it is certainly a "meet cute" - wrong number and all - it just seems too good to be true to me.
And did your dad's neurologist tell you directly that he has no dementia? Or did THEY tell you that? Mom too?
My FIL has so far told us that he passed his hearing test and his cognitive assessment in the last week. We don't even have the results back on either yet. AND he took the hearing test WITHOUT his hearing aids. So there is literally NO way he passed. That's what he would LIKE to be the result.
People from Brooklyn who relocate to other parts of the country love hooking up bc they speak the same language. I doubt these new friends are going to kill your folks or chop their bodies up, but likely share a meal and a few laughs together. People meet online all the time and form friendships and even romances....is this all that much different? It seems insane to you but it feels ok to your folks, so maybe trust their gut on this one. Repeat the suggestion to meet in a restaurant instead of in moms home for the first meeting, just in case they need to make a hasty retreat for some reason.
Good luck.
They could meet at a restaurant. Or local cafe for lunch or coffee even better.
Yes they risk getting fleeced & left with the whole bill.. or they may make some wonderful new acquaintances.
I'd skip home visits for way down the track. After MUCH trust has been established. Brand new acquaintances do not need to know personal details such as income or home environment.
Good to see you!
Never a dull moment with your parents! Hahaha 🤣 I bet they had a lot of fun when they were younger.
Trust your gut. If you’re uneasy about this situation and I can certainly see why you would be, then you did the right thing by speaking up and telling them that you aren’t in favor of this idea.
Your family has had its share of heartaches. Many of the posters on this forum have had their share of difficult times. I would hate to see your parents be in a dangerous situation. They are social butterflies, aren’t they?
Don’t be a stranger! How is Romeo? He’s not a puppy anymore! I hope you’re doing well.
So sorry that you and husband got Covid. Hope you didn’t suffer too badly from it.
Many hugs and much love sent your way.
Anyway, if this helps, what I can tell you is that even online dating sites will instruct you to "only meet the online date in a PUBLIC PLACE - and NEVER at your home." They even go even further to say that "you should not disclose your address to the person - they should not pick you up or take you home from the date." That is how seriously the online dating services take this. So, why should your parents be any different in a first meeting of a random couple?
This isn't even an issue to question. Your parents need to change the location to a restaurant! I hope they have a safe and enjoyable dinner with this new couple - keep us posted! :)
Where I grew up in a ruralish area a wrong number could result in a long pleasant conversation with a stranger but not a meeting up in person.
If you decide to do so ALWAYS meet in a very public place, with lots of people around, and TELL some else (like family) where and when you will be going to meet and with whom!
Does anyone remember when your doorbell rang and you ran to the door and just opened it with excitement without first seeing who it was? Those were the days! We can as a world society get back to that. It starts with me and you, and so on.....
Please be careful. I hope you have a fun story to tell about how they may have known each other or have common friends or something..
I pray that this will be a happy story.
Good judgement would suggest meeting them in a third location. If your parents are able to live at home, get groceries, and otherwise manage their own lives, they should be able to meet someone at a coffee shop or restaurant. They probably are lonely, but it is odd to so suddenly develop a rapport with a wrong number.
I can't find a profile for Romeo13 - or Maximus? - but some of you seem to know him. So ... what's up? I'd appreciate any info. Thanks in advance.:)
I love everyone on this site - they are the most compassionate and loving people.
My handsome Phalene-Papillon who passed away 1 year ago was named Lucius Maximus Senaca. I have a passion for ancient history. I did have difficulty signing in so I needed to use a different password.
Anyway, tonight my 92 year old mom, who lives in Florida with my 95 year old father, said to me "I don't think that's fair of you not to visit your parents next week with us being this old". I said Mom - we (my husband and I) just got home 2 weeks ago - that's impossible for us to do that. Well she was very upset getting off the phone. I just can't take this anymore. We spent 2 months with them from Thanksgiving through January and we just spent 2 weeks with them for Mother's Day. Read my blogs - I can't do this anymore. I have given every bit of myself to them from birth. I thought my mom became more understanding - I guess not!
Your mom is being unfair and certainly unreasonable with you.
You have been more than generous with her and she needs to accept that you live far away.
Some children only visit for a week during the year. Others aren’t able to go that often.
She shouldn’t try to make you feel guilty. You shouldn’t feel guilty at all. I’m sure it is annoying though because it would be nice to see your parents being happy with the way things are.
I had my daughter’s Siberian husky with me today. He’s so lovable! I love that you are having so much fun with your sweet pooch.
(1)
At 95 if he wants to end it he should have a DNR in place etc. So should he get sick and need medical attention he has everything in place so no life saving measures are taken.
I am so sorry to hear this sad news about your father. I can relate to what you have expressed. I can understand why your dad feels as he does. I saw my mom suffering with depression.
My mom lived to be 95. She would have gladly welcomed death instead of suffering with Parkinson’s disease.
She missed my dad terribly. She buried a son. She saw many family members and friends die. Life can become extremely difficult as we age.
Your dad certainly isn’t alone in thinking this way. Many seniors suffer with depression due to living far too long. I can’t say that I blame them.
I don’t want to live that long. I suppose it’s a bit easier to cope if there aren’t any major health issues or financial problems.
Still, a person can have all the money in the world and be in good health and be terribly lonely. Most of the people they loved in their lives have died.
People are frightened of living into their late nineties and beyond. They fear many things, such as health, outliving their income, loneliness from losing their spouses, family members and friends and so on.
Again, I’m so sorry, Max. When the people we love most in this world are hurting, we hurt too.
Sending many hugs your way today.
I am sorry about your dad's depression. His dr can prescribe meds for that which should help his quality of life.
Considering these two issues I am wondering if dad has come cognitive problems. Is he developing dementia? It wouldn't be surprising at his age. Are you in touch with his dr. Can you suggest an evaluation? It seems to me his physician needs to know about these episodes.
Good luck to you and your hub, I know it is not easy for the adult children as parents decline.