She is in the beginning of Alzheimer’s and is paranoid, angry and won’t even do the things she can do for herself. She is the most annoying person I have ever met (always has been) and when I gently suggest she doesn’t do these things she screams and runs off to her room like a 4 yr old. The geriatrician (of a different culture) implied as I am not married with no kids it is my obligation to put up with it. I have no family to help. The problem is I am beginning to hate her. I swear and mutter under my breath all day and wish she would just die. She won’t move out of her dump of a house even though I have offered to move us somewhere nice and I nearly vomit every day living here in this derelict house. She can’t manage on her own and I can’t afford the help she needs if I move. Plus the guilt. She thinks she is fine and won’t have anyone else in the house. I came straight from a 25 yr abusive marriage into this and I am so resentful. I know there is no solution but I had to get this out somewhere.
Any of the above will be able to provide YOU with a better explanation of her BEHAVIOR, which is what you need now, for yourself, to acquire management tools and potentially, medication, that can allow you to maneuver her to behave in ways that will be better for your both.
Is there no financial support for people who need full time residential care in your country? Reading her infirmities list, it certainly seems that she NEEDS to be receiving residential care.
Will she refuse to go? OF COURSE she will. That’s why YOU need a document from a trained specialist, indicating that she is not SAFE in her present surroundings.
Research this as it applies to your area of the world. Just taking SOME ACTION can give you a lift, whether you come up with a solution on your first try, or not.
You are brave to acknowledge what you’ve been through, and you are entitled, YES, ENTITLED to have a break and a chance for some freedom and respite.
Please keep in touch.
As a temporary stop, living with mom was fine. Now it's time for you to move on and get on with YOUR life.
Have you contacted your local social services agency to see what help is available?
Please know that there IS help out there, and there IS a solution!
There are solutions. Solutions other than your jumping out of one abusive frying pan and straight into another abusive fire.
YOU can't afford the help SHE needs if you move? Can you spot the obvious flaw in this argument? How about her? Can she afford to pay for care? Would her house pay for care? If neither, what about getting in touch with adults' social services in your area and seeing what help is available?