I have noticed every time he calls she moves to another room or the bathroom to talk to him. Today for a strange reason it’s like someone told me to listen in.
I have been taking care of her since she had her lung cancer surgery. I went through hell with this surgery because she had internal bleeding and almost died.
I have done anything to make her feel comfortable.
Now that she feels a little better, she acts like nothing happened.
She has this habit of cooking lots of food and give it to others my brothers or..
I guess my brother was asking how she makes a dish. And immediately she told him I will shop for it and make it myself but “this one” (referring to me) complains about the smell.
Taking care of her throughout her different surgeries, breast cancer, colon cancer, hysterectomy and the last one lung cancer surgery and being referred to as THIS ONE it’s pretty hurtful to me.
By the way this dish is made with sheep’s feet and head and it’s disgusting. The smell is worst. And it needs to cook all night. My bedroom is upstairs and imagine having all that smell travel to the second floor.
She then continued saying who cares it’s not her house I will cook it. I don’t know what my brother told her but she said : And she thinks she is the one taking care of me.
When I heard that it was like someone dropped a bucket of cold water on me.
I have never felt so betrayed in my whole life.
She was talking to him as if I was her enemy.
I have told her time and time again if you’re not happy with me being here just say the word. Don’t talk behind my back and pretend you are the caring parent.
Every time I have confronted her on this she manipulated the situation and at the end she will play the victim.
I am so close to walking out. I can’t believe I cared for her so much and my siblings never done anything to lift a finger ever and I am the bad person and they are the good one.
I am so hurt by this.
I bet certain European cultures say the same thing about sheep. I don't mind haggis, black pudding, and head cheese and such, it's pretty good. But being stuck in house where it's cooking for 10+ hours sounds awful.
I don't have any religious dietary restrictions, so when I lived in Korea and traveled east and southeast Asia, my policy was try whatever I was given, and if I liked it, I liked it; and not to question what it was.
Geeeez, did you eat it growing up? I don’t eat anything I don’t like. I would have starved! LOL
My word, I just looked up Haggis. 🤮 Yuck!
I am Scottish and Irish on my father’s side of the family but I could NEVER eat that!
She has made it in the past but she knows how I hate it and hate the smell, she doesn’t care.
So disgusting!
NH2021,
Your mom doesn’t like being confronted. If she is confronted she will lie or tell only a portion of the truth. She will NEVER reveal what she does. They NEVER do!
She likes to dish it out, but can’t take it!
Do whatever is right for you! She hasn’t taken your feelings into consideration so you shouldn’t worry about hers.
Anyone that tells you to take the high road hasn’t walked in your shoes. Don’t hesitate to tell them to SWAP PLACES with YOU!
You are entitled and justified to your feelings. No one else knows what you are going through or have been through.
You don’t owe anyone else an explanation for your actions either. So don’t be concerned about pushback from your mom, your brother or anyone else!
This is vile and disgusting. Sheep’s eye and head and smell is just awful.
The cooking process is so long 9 or 10 hours. It’s not like they cook it in an hour and it’s over. It lingers through the night and the next day.
Oh my God you are so right. Do you know my mom by any chance?? 😄 because you described her perfectly. She did deny it and lies looking into my eyes.
I went through this all of the time with my mom! I had three brothers.
They won’t change. Do whatever is right for you. I finally did. I stopped being my mom’s caregiver.
Now, my brother and wife #4 have my mom in their house!
I am so sorry that life is so miserable with your mom.
I would go sit outside on my patio when my mom was speaking to my brothers. I took a well deserved coffee break! I was not willing to listen to the crap anymore.
Maybe you can tell your mom that she can cook all night with your brother and then they can share all of the sheep’s feet that they can eat together!
You know when someone is talking behind your back on the phone. She would go to the bathroom or go outside and she normally doesn’t do that with others. Only when he calls. It is so obvious.
My own living situation is very like yours. I am not only my elderly mother's caregiver in her house, but I am also responsible for everything around here too. All the chores both indoors and out. All the shopping, cooking, cleaning, doctor's appointments, phone work, and everything else under the sun. Not only that but I'm also her scratching post for when she wants to fight, complain, or lash out about something. Then I'm expected to be grateful for such abuse because I have a bed to sleep in and a roof over my head. I think that the very same is expected from you too. Not only from your mom but from everyone else as well. I truly hope that if you're able to move out of her house that you do. And, by the way I think I would vomit on the floor if I had to smell a haggis cooking all night long. That's nasty.
I have seen Latinos eat it something similar to this.
If you are living with her the above applies but you say time for you to leave. And tell her if she needs anything she is to call your brother/s.
Walk out and live your life.
NOW, it does sound to me that Mom takes you for granted. I think this may have been the case for some time?
I wonder, do you live with your Mom or does she live with you. If the former is the case, you living with her, it will be easier to move on now. To tell her you are happy you could be there for her surgery, and wish her continued healing, but now must get on with your own life. If she lives with you? That will be difficult, and might involve the hard decision to tell her that she must now move to her own studio perhaps nearby, with her son, or whatever other arrangement might work in future.
I think this isn't a matter of one overheard conversation that hurt you; at least I hope not. Because people usually don't mean half what they say when they are gossiping on the phone, and would be ashamed to say such things to someone's face. Only you can decide if this is a momentary hurt that comes of exhaustion, and that you are certain of her love and appreciation OR that you truly are not appreciated, and it is time to move on. I wish you the best of luck and hope you will tell us what you decide and how things work for you.
You do it she says.
It sounds like it is time to go live your best life and let her figure out what the truth really is.