My mom's Alz got really bad when she broke her hip in 2016. We have been caring for her at home since then. After an ER trip in Oct for a possible impacted bowel, she was diagnosed her with what her dr said may or may not be colon cancer. My dad also has poor health but has always balked at hiring an agency due to them being in his home. And he and mom promised each other years before that they would not put the other in a nursing home. So here we are.
He has help come in during week days but weekends and most evening are on me. I am running on empty, and her condition is fast deteriorating. Fights going to the bathroom, is very shaky and this past week has has to use the wheelchair, spits her food out, won’t drink her water, won’t sleep at night. We use Melatonin at times but she either sleeps until The next afternoon or else it has no effect at all. I’m sorry, I know this is just basic info. But I’m not sure what to do. I’m afraid for dad for what ever decision he has to decide. I am looking for advice from someone who has been there before. Oh, and he is self pay so whatever happens he will be paying out of pocket. Any advice on that would be welcome also. They are not wealthy, but was always careful with their money. Our local Agency in Aging has not been very helpful imo. I finally told him last eve that we can’t keep doing this and he agreed.
Is your mother or your father starting chemo pills in Jan? If it's mom, I'd like to say something. We treated my mthr's colon cancer with surgery and she refused the chemo. She was about stage 5c Alzheimer's at the time. Had we realized what a long, dreadful journey this dementia would be for her, we could have allowed her to slip away peacefully in her sleep. Her worse pain from her tumors was behind her and her low hemoglobin meant that she was just days from slipping away. We pumped her back up with transfusions and surgery, and she's been in memory care another 7.5 years so far. It was just a year before she did not know who we were at all.
The book, "Being Mortal" by Atul Gwande looks at the end of life and the issues and consequences surrounding our interventions. He's a research doc at a big Boston hospital and my DIL almost took a job helping him (but decided to stay with the baby instead!). I am greatly thankful for his insight and wish I'd known all this before we started on this journey.
I am thankful that mthr refused chemo as that meant she did not have those side effects. The 5 year survival rate for her mix was about 30%. She may have survived, but she was not there anymore. I would no longer subject a moderate dementia patient to cancer treatment to experience a longer life of confusion, fear, and wasting away.