My mother, who lives with my husband and me, wants to be cremated with no service after her death. She is in good health for 100 years old with a great appetite. She is able to toilet and dress herself but does wear disposable underwear 24/7. Since she has made her wishes clear with a sound mind, would it be advisable to make arrangements prior to her death with a local crematorium? My husband and I cared for his parents for several years in our home. His mother passed away in her sleep in her own bed. When we found her unresponsive, we called 911; and it was overwhelming with the fire truck, ambulance, and police cars racing to our home with sirens blaring. Is there a way to deal with a death at home with less fanfare and more dignity?
Personally, having experienced an unexpected death, an expected death with arrangements prepaid and an expected death without expenses prepaid, i say YES if possible, take care of the funeral home/cremation fees before hand (where I live, the funeral home has a crematorium and they handle the cremation). You will have one less thing to stress over and worry about when the time comes. If you don’t have the money or access to your moms money, you’ll have a financial burden on your hands. My in-laws both went on hospice with a predicted few months to live. My MIL had the mortuary come out & she picked out what she wanted and & even bought her plot. All her kids had to do was go to the mortuary to schedule the services. My FIL did not make his arrangements or instruct his children to do it, he just said he wanted to be cremated so when he died, his children had to pick a mortuary to come get him and then go down there and deal with all the arrangements & the sales pitches and pay for it out of their own pockets because they could not access his bank account.
After my folks FINALLY moved to assited living I did a little on line research about funeral and burial state law and costs. I then called the same funeral home to arrange prepaid services and burials for my parents. The funeral director told me the cheapest casket availability was $2800 . I told him I’d get one on line and have it shipped to them. He double checked, turns out he had one for $900. And so it went. My folks had been quite clear about having the simplest services possible. I was able to pre arrange this for them at a reasonable price and at a time when I wasn’t grieving and trying to deal with a thousand other things.
Daddy passed at home after being on Hospice for several months. It was a quiet, family event that was actually very sweet and spiritual. We did not call the mortuary for a few hours, wanting to spend a few hours reminiscing, praying and being together as a family.
A day later, we kids went with mother to the cemetery where we gave them dad's clothing, the obituary and chose flowers. We were done and done in under 2 hrs. Mother was able to be calm and at peace.
My FIL died leaving NO instructions whatsoever and it was a hot nightmare from start to finish. I was the only sane one in the bunch and that's saying something.
GUILT overcame the 3 kids and they overspent by thousands and thousands of dollars on things that FIL wouldn't have wanted.
In the end, same result, we had a funeral and all--but my dad's was so peaceful and lovely and FIL's just makes me sad to think about to this day.
I'm pre planned for everything. DH won't do it, assuming he'll go first. Grrrr….
Never too late to plan for funeral for yourself or loved ones. I agree with many posters that once in hospice, you do not need to call the police. The hospice staff will take care of certification that your loved one died from natural causes or an illness, not foul play. My dad died at home last year in his bed while in hospice care. No police, ambulance, firetrucks, drama, embarrassment ... (My sister made a huge drama about the funeral service though, but that’s another topic.)
If hospice is not in the care plan, the police needs to be contacted for them to certify there no homicide had occurred. It is the law, so you cannot get around that.
I am glad to hear you MIL is still mostly independent and lucid. I wish my husband is like that.
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