I sit and wonder if this is the year that I will lose my Mom. She's 85 (in March) stage 6 mixed dementia, Vascular and Alzheimer's. Her delusions are growing worse. I feel so helpless, sad, and lost. I admit that, at times, I dread going to visit her. My sweet mother, my best friend, is not there. Instead, there is a shell of a woman that resembles my mother who searches for her words, talks of going home, is feebly unsteady, and who does not know me.
I also admit that I pray for Mom's suffering to end. I do not want her to enter into the final stage of this horrid disease that has robbed her of her memory and of our relationship. I do not want to watch her lose the ability to swallow and to become bedridden. I never thought I would surrender to this, but I have.
I'm just so sad. I want to remember my mother as the vibrant woman she used to be. I miss her quirky sense of humor; I miss her advice; I miss cooking beside of her at holidays; I miss sharing my day with her and hearing her voice over the telephone.
Thank you for listening...
Keep posting it will help!
Its been two years since she passed and thanks to some friends, I have started looking at the good times. My Mom was second Mom to our friends. And she treated them just the same as she did her children. She was a happy soul. Accepted what life brought. Always a smile for everyone.
Sending you a big hug and a prayer for peace with whatever fate awaits your dear mom.