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So for those repeat members who are aware of my situation up to now, even my outright refusal to provide care for Aunt has not resulted in much. She was granted palliative care. A nurse comes 1x every 5-6 weeks to spend 15 mins checking vitals & such. No other help. Well…remember I had mentioned we’re one major event away from me completely losing it? Yea. She had a stroke on Friday due to a blood clot in her brain & the hospital neuro ICU wanted to discharge her home TODAY (Monday). Her daughter drove in Friday & we both adamantly refused her discharge. She has been seriously hallucinating before the stroke & it’s not been any better. Her daughter went to see her & caught her yesterday trying to stick the handle of a spoon in her ear. Her daughter is her medical proxy & I'm nothing more than a caregiver which means squat to any medical professionals. But don’t I get a say so on whether or not I can physically take care of her? I’m not getting any help from
anywhere & her daughter can’t take her nor move in here to do it. That’s the whole reason why we gave up our own home & moved in - although that was when it was believed she’d be mobile again by this time. She had a heart attack the end of June. Now this. And there’s no plan b in place if I get injured or sick. She’s completely dependent - with the exception of being able to put fork to mouth mostly. She can’t cut her food, can’t bathe, can’t sit up without help, can’t get out of bed at all, can’t poop without being held on her side & struggling for 45 mins, she can’t change her pee pads, or even put her own gowns on. And even before the stroke she gets weaker every day…& now. And I now know we do not have the funds to involve an attorney at all.

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You make it very clear NOW that you can no longer SAFELY care for her.
If you have to pack up and move out of the house then do so ASAP.
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You tell the SW that by discharging her it would be an unsafe discharge. There is no one that can care for her in this condition. You want her evaluated for 24/7 care and placed in LTC. You can then spend down any money she has in assets and then apply for Medicaid. Or get her placed, if no assets, and apply for Medicaid right away. Any lawyer fees come out of Aunts money.

Call APS and tell them hospital is trying to discharge a vulnerable adult.
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Cover999 Aug 2022
Wouldn't the Doc come in to talk to all involved before discharge?
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"She had a stroke on Friday due to a blood clot in her brain & the hospital neuro ICU wanted to discharge her home TODAY (Monday). Her daughter drove in Friday & we both adamantly refused her discharge. "

Please update us about what happens today.
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Cover999 Aug 2022
Still early, discharge could be this afternoon or evening
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Do not take her at discharge…HARD NO.. have no guilty feelings

Social worker s job is to find suitable living / care arrangements. She is a 24/7 care need.
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AFTER the stroke, they want to discharge?

I'd raise a holy stink about that. THAT is almost the definition of an 'unsafe discharge'.

And, as far as the attorney--seriously, all you have to do is say "well, we will be having our attorney contact you" to the hospital--and you will be surprised how quickly you get their attention.

I only know b/c my son is an attorney and he says that the mere 'threat' of legal action is pretty effective. I use is wisely, but I also have had him make a couple of 'phone calls' on my behalf and hospitals really, really don't want to deal with lawyers. (I don't like to deal with my son when he is in full blown litigator mode, It's scary and I'm his MOM)
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They want discharge her to LTC, right? Because she is no longer an "acute" case; she's "chronic and stable". Pack up, leave and block the hospital's number.

My dear, you have NO responsibility here, do you? Stop showing up.

As Beatty says, there will be no solution as long as YOU are the solution.
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