Since a few years ago, my mom's memory has been declining (might be dementia but we don't have a diagnosis) but it took a particularly deep plunge during the pandemic, since we couldn't go out and had to just stay home without doing much. Our living arrangement isn't ideal since only my mom and I live together. My dad is planning on moving us back together sometime when finances are in better shape, but I'm not too sure when that will be. It sounds very dramatic but I'm tearing up writing this...I'm not sure how I can leave her to go to college. I've currently deferred to a school abroad and I'm supposed to be going in September of next year. The college education in my country just isn't for me, and I can't study the things I love. However, even leaving her to go out with my friend for the first time in 6+ months is a problem since she doesn't like being left alone, which I understand since there is no one here. But it just makes me wonder how I can leave to university for more than half a year at a time when even leaving for a few hours is difficult. I have nightmares about going places and leaving her behind, I have a lot of fears and developed some anxiety-like symptoms because of this, and my depression has become worse. I want to go to university and experience life like all my other friends, but I cannot imagine leaving my mom and I fear that me leaving would have a largely negative effect on her since my dad would be her caretaker and he has to work. He mentioned hiring someone, but finances are a problem at the moment. At the same time, I fear that if I continue to stay here, my mental health will worsen and I'll become bitter that I've been held back in life so early, which will also have a negative effect on her since she's the happiest when I'm also happy.
I'm only 19, but it feels like there's so much resting on my shoulders, and I'm not sure where my life is headed or what to do. Does anyone have any advice?
And after that your mom is your dads problem/responsibility not yours. You don't need to have any guilt/concern about wanting to have a life of your own, and going off to college. Of course you should do that, you're only 19 years old for crying out loud! It would be very selfish of your mom or your dad to expect you to give up your life to care for her, as again, she is NOT your responsibility.
And if money is an issue for her care, your dad will have to figure all that out, as again she is his responsibility, not yours.
You need to get out there and start living and enjoying your life. It sounds like perhaps you and your mom could benefit from some good therapy. I hope that is available to you where you live. May God bless you and your family.
Like others mentioned, your mom should get a comprehensive medical assessment. Her primary care provider needs to be made aware of these symptoms. Certain medical conditions lead to mental confusion or cognitive decline, and when managed correctly, improvement in such symptoms may result. Beyond this, clinical depression or anxiety also can lead to impaired functioning. There are many good treatments for both conditions, not just medications, but also other therapeutic interventions. In either event, you need the help of a medical professional to help you know how to take care of her. Your are not a doctor, nurse or therapist, so get Mom to someone soon.
Do not minimize the impact of two major issues that you mentioned in your original post. COVID19 restrictions have resulted in mental health concerns for many individuals. Also, having a child leave the nest can be very difficult for some parents to handle. Adjusting to such life transitions can also be helped with appropriate counseling and/or psychiatric treatment.
You do have some time here to make a plan; use that time wisely. Reach out to whatever resources that are available, and INVOLVE YOUR DAD. He needs to take the wheel here, and he needs to be know that it is your intention to go to school in September. You didn't mention where you are from, so we cannot tell you where to turn in respect to social service support. Try to figure that out. Get a notebook and write everything down. Keep that notebook by your bed, and if you awaken feeling overwhelmed, look at that notebook to see that you are doing all that you are able to help your mom and to remind yourself that you have a plan. Make a copy of that notebook for both your mom and dad. Believe it or not, your mom is YOUNG, and she needs to make efforts to be responsible for her own health.
I am not going to tell you to go away to school, because I can see it isn't that simple. But please TRY to get a plan together that will ease your mind so that as the time approaches to fulfill your dreams, you may do so without feeling regret. If you can connect with a counselor, please do so. You also may be experiencing anxiety and/or depression related to facing this huge transition in your life.
Best wishes dear one.
Why no diagnosis for your mother?
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