I'm new to this. I am an adult child and caregiver to both my parents I suppose. My mom has dementia and is approaching the mid stages now. She was diagnosed officially almost two years ago. My dad is her main caregiver in their home and I go there several times a week to help with what I can. It's taking a toll on my dad. He seems as tho he's aged ten to twenty years over the last two years. He's not very kind or patient with mom at times which breaks my heart. My mom and dad were a very young early 70's couple when this nightmare became real. I am fortunate that I was able to take a voluntary reduction in work hours when my employer was facing financial trouble a year ago and at this time only work Fridays every week plus I am "on call" for additional hours which technically I can refuse and I often do. I want to be there for my parents. I told them I will be with them thru this time in their lives. I live half an hour away and I have two brothers who are of no help. I do most of the cleaning and lawn mowing for them, my sisters in law have helped with some meal prep. I take my mom to her weekly hair appt and attend doctor appts with them. What else can I do to make this easier to bear for my dad? I feel like no matter how much I'm there it never feels like enough. I worry about them constantly when I'm not there. My dad is still quite capable if taking care of most of the day to day things but I think it's the constant supervision and direction my mom needs plus the isolation since they are not able to get out and about to socialize like they used to that's wearing my dad down. What else can I do for them???
Yep, my hobbies are gone... my friends are gone, except I have a new one who has aging in-laws so we do chat a lot about that, we found each other through volunteer work at the hospital. We meet once a week for a couple hours doing volunteer work... it's like a mini-vacation for us :)
It's sad because this isn't how your parents had planned their retirement years. And this isn't how I planned my retirement years, either.
Or one buys/rents a large condo in a senior community and part of the monthly HOA fee includes dinner each evening in the restaurant at the complex. That would help solve your parents from feeling isolated. Mom could even take part in whatever is offered at the community. Your parents are too young to hide away in their home.
Some complexes even have on-site a memory unit for when the time comes that your Mom needs a higher level of care... that way your Dad could walk to that building and still feel apart of the community. Nothing better than to have a lot of friends on your journey.
That way you and your siblings will once again be "their children" instead of a "caregiver". There will still be things you can help with, but at least Dad and the rest of the family won't feel drained.
You can't change MUCH, but you can make dad's life a little richer. That's what I'd try to do. Dad's beat up, tired and heartbroken. See what you can do.
Be specific when seeking help. Enlist your sisters-in-law (SIL). Could they help with some of the laundry? If they alternated, they could bring it to their house or do it at your folk's home. Who helps with the food shopping? Consider supermarket delivery services or perhaps you and your SILs can alternate. Can you ask your brothers to take Dad out for a few hours? They could watch a little league game, go to a movie, fish, golf, or whatever. Someone would have to be on Mom duty during the outing time.
Do you have a med dispenser of some type? If so, can you or someone fill it for your Dad so he has a check on what to dispense next. (Make sure his and hers are in different containers. Make sure Dad gets his medical appointments.
Does your Dad have any siblings? Perhaps they can help. I urge you not to be shy about seeking additional help. BUT be specific. Waiting for my brother to step up to the plate and do things was the moet frustrating part of caregiving. BUT if I gave him some specific task he was able to do it. He just couldn't see what had to be done on his own.
If you were to become medical POA, your father could take the day off when you take your mom to the doctor. That would be one less thing for your father to stress about. Could you get someone to sit with your mom one day so that your dad could get out of the house to visit friends or enjoy a hobby? Sounds like he could use some R&R and find time to destress.