When mom and dad moved into their 2 bedroom/1bath senior apartment we got mom a bedside commode. It seemed necessary for emergencies. Mom has bad knees/also incontinent and using during the night became her routine. Now dad has passed and she walks past her bathroom to use the bedside commode! She uses it all day and rarely cleans it and the smell is indescribable. Mom has mild cognitive decline but understand she needs to do this chore. She is still able to cook and do simple chores. Sister and I live in town plus a good bit of family who visit weekly. She is able to do what she wants. Mom also has a sitter 6 days a week 5p-9p for help with meals, showers and light housekeeping. My sister wants to remove the commode completely but I am concerned about night time falls. Mom does wear a life alert. Any suggestions? It is disgusting.
Regarding your fears of her falling at night:
*Keep a walker beside the bed.
*Keep a nightlight, or several, on at night so she can make her way to the bathroom.
*Move any dressers or obstacles near the bed on which she can fall and hit her head.
*Put pads under the sheet or replace the bottom sheet with a rubberized one.
*Make sure she wears a "pullup" (adult diaper) and wears rubberized panties over it.
When my Dad had dementia , we could never get him to bathe. If I asked him why he didn't like baths, he said, "I like baths". I think he simply could not remember how to do it. Once he was in hospice, we had a CNA, who offered to help him shower. It was no problem then - he just needed assistance. Maybe the part-time caregiver you have can teach her how to take care of it, with verbal instructions everyday. Just a thought...
I would also question if she is truly capable. Maybe her cognitive decline is worsening. Talk to her doctor.
I had a bedside commode in my mother’s room which I emptied. I almost spilled it on occasion due to gagging.
Some caregivers can tolerate smells easier than others. I cannot. It totally took my appetite away which is not good for a person like myself who doesn’t eat a lot to begin with.
It wouldn’t hurt to start investigating possible facilities for her. Or additional help to assist her if that is in line with your budget.
If your mom has bad knees and is prone to falls, do you really want her to be walking around carrying a bucket of waste she might spill? I sure wouldn't.
These types of issues are the warning signs none of us recognize until after the fact. They're telling us that our loved one is not as able to handle daily tasks as we think they are. My dad was able to cook, drive, go to his meetings and events, pay the bills, etc. and care for my mother, but he couldn't smell rotting food -- or gas when my mom walked past the stove and turned it on, and walked away when it didn't light.
This is a wake-up call for you to take bigger steps that you think you need to.
It just seems she does what she wants to do. Sister, sitter and I are monitoring her food and she doesn't seem to recognize hand written "throw out" dates on the containers.
See an eldercare attorney about estate planning, power of attorney, advanced directives, and get her Medicaid prepared in case she does not have nursing home insurance.
Trust me..everything I said will come to pass and sooner than you think.
I took care of my mom for many years and her stooling was the worst stress. but I got that down where she would go three times a week (Tues, thursday and Sundays) it became routine thanks to Lactulose. If you love someone you do what you have to do. I never put mom in a nursing home and she lived in comfort and 15 years of Alzheimer's. Until she died age 90. But she died of other natural causes, not alzheimer's.
I found it very ironic all those years I been battling mom's Alzheimer's disease that did not kill her. Her body was kept healthy and in the end the feeding tube kept her needs met, and did not have to die of dehydration (which I think dying of dehydration is cruel and barbaric). Mom's mind was so gone she did not even realize she was dying of cancer. but she never presented any symptoms and her labs were normal until the last week of her life. Even then she was comfortable. She could have been a self-caring walkie-talkie the SAME would have happened to her. Wow.
The bucket doesn’t need to be emptied quite as often, and if tied with a twister at the top it will be less often spilled, odors are somewhat less of a problem and scented or super cat litter can help with that issue, and deodorizer or antiseptic can be sprinkled into the garbage bag during set ups and removals.
Downside is that the bag is heavier to dispose of, but even a small amount of litter may help if your mom is strong enough to manage the weight, and spillage of “liquids” is significantly reduced.
Obviously, your mother is not going to do it.
Battles like this are not worth the time and stress that go into it.
Elderly people can become nose-blind and they don't 'smell' as well as they used to.
My mom's cath bag always has maybe 3 Tbps of old brown urine in it. She either does not see it or doesn't care. It smells so bad, it gags you. I don't clean it and never will, she is capable of doing so, just chooses to not do it very well.
The smell on top of the depends she wears (which are saturated, b/c she does not use the toilet at all) are just folded up in the trash. I used to try to 'fix' things for her until I realized she didn't WANT me there, 'fixing' things. She has the trash taken out once a week, so by Thurs, it's pretty rank in her place. She;s overflowed the bag and depends many times on her recliner and she just puts another blanket on the recliner.
She refuses help in this dept, so we let her place just smell awful. I gag when I walk in, and sometimes, against her will take out the bathroom trash and bleach the garbage can--but that's rare. If I'm staying longer than 15 minutes, I have to in order to stand the smell.
'Old urine' is often very smelly due to dehydration and the meds an elderly patient may be taken-along with general decline in hygiene. In your case, you probably could get the CG to empty the commode. And clean it so that it doesn't smell. It would be hard to work with that 'smell' hanging over you.
Elders will also use 'air fresheners' all over the place in the confused state that covering up the base smell will make it be OK. To me, it just adds to the funk.
In your case, where mom is walking PAST the toilet to use the commode makes me think she's gotten into a habit that could be broken.
Good luck. Toileting issues are so difficult to deal with.
The other option is to remove it until she really needs it.
Has she fallen? I know you don't wait for a fall but if she is going to fall chances are she is going to fall just as easily getting up and moving to the commode.
I would also put cameras in so you can remotely monitor her for any falls.
Leave lights on. Maybe a motion detector light would help keep her safer.