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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Coco you have successfully lived your life whereas the others have made extremely bad choices and ended up of the loser end of life. Losers are leaches and will do anything to suck the life blood of those they can. Your mother cares more about your brother than you. You take them in you might as well say goodbye to the life you created for yourself and your daughter. Blood is not always thicker than water!
Coco, It's not going to stop when they move in. Just as they have done to your father's house, it will be done to yours. Trust me, you WILL be taking care of mom, bro and his pets. No, you won't do his pets? What if his pets are moved into the house because they are House Pets? Are you going to let those pets mess your house? No, you will do your best to keep your house clean - which means cleaning after the pets, and brother, and mom.
Do Not Feel Guilty or Bad. Find Alternate Options for them. Get brochures, read up, call up. Get everything in order, write notes. When it's time, confront mom and bro. It's going to be very very very difficult.
Ask yourself: Are you willing to have your home be defiled, messed, damaged? Are you really really able to Live with them in your home? Are you really willing to give up your life, your money, your freedom - to take care or clean up after them all?
Know this, your mom is not even in a Critical condition where she's bedridden or dementia-ridden that she no longer can live on her own. As long as your mom and bro are able-bodied, they CAN live on their own....it's call Govt housing.
Your mom had a lot of money. Now it's gone. Guess what? YOU are now their next money tree (the bank.) Are you willing to end up like them? Are you willing to lose your job (even if it's at home- you will be too stressed to do any real job)?
Coco, as long as they have not moved in, it's easier to keep them out. Once they move in, you will find - like in some states - that you cannot just kick them out. So, I'm warning you now, be very careful of what you decide. Don't let mom give you the guilt trip. Do your research and stand firm. Whatever you decide, it's going to be with open eyes.
Coco. Do not do it. Your mom can qualify for something. As an elderly, there are LOTS of programs she can fit in - Medicaid, Medicare..they even have "apartments" for the elderly under the gov't program.
As for your brother, He Is NOT your Responsibility. He will Never Ever grow up with you and mom there for him 100%. Your mom should have given him the Tough Love years ago. You are NOT his responsibility.
I guaranty you right now. If they move in, your house will deteriorate fast. Your Money will beTHEIR money. And you might end up losing your house, etc...
I never understood why people here on AC kept saying go to therapy. I have resisted it for years. I knew I needed it as a teen, but refused to go. Only this month I'm finally seeing one. OMGoodness! In the 3 visits I've had, I learned a lot. Trust me, when you go to therapy, they will help you see how people can "walk all over us." I'm learning to appreciate ME so that I can tell my family No More!
Tell your mom, NO. But that you will help her find a place to live on her own. Your brother has kids...well...then he needs to learn to grow up. And worse case scenarion, they too can apply for govt housing subsidies and food stamps!
In situations like this the potential "savior" has likely been trained their whole life to feel responsible for things they are not responsible for and to feel that only by meeting these other people's needs will they stay in good standing within their family or have any chance of love from that family. Guess how I know. This is powerful powerful stuff and it isn't so easy to just shake off even if your brain knows you are being used. The heart has a hard time accepting the painful reality.
Coco, if any of that resonates with you please consider getting into therapy so you have some more support for YOU in this situation and keep posting here so we can support you too. You do not owe any of these people shelter, grocery money, or restoring their debts. If you feel that you truly do want to help, as was suggested above make what you offer very specific, time-limited, and not open-ended.
This reminds me of something that happened to me a few years ago. My brother, who was a serious alcoholic, lost his job, home, wife, and mind. My mother thought I should give up my life and come home to watch after him. The reason was that he was too much for her. Well... I detested my brother, who had ruined my life as a child. He was a compulsive liar and would steal anything not nailed down. She wanted me to take care of him, because he was too much for her and my father couldn't stand him. Sorry, but it wasn't my responsibility. My brother was on a course of self destruction that no one could stop. He had been on it for years. He died a few months later, leaving behind a mother and wife who were actually relieved that he was gone. And, to tell you the truth, when he died I actually wondered why he couldn't have died a long time ago before he hurt so many people.
We may be our brother's keeper, but this doesn't mean we are their pigeon or their enabler. One problem with my brother is that he never was allowed to hit bottom until the very end, so had no reason to change. It sounds like your mother has been enabling him and now wants you to enable him. It is bad for him and worse for you.
I totally agree with these comments! You should really think about this situation and picture what the future might bring if you allow this to happen. It sounds toxic to me.....and once they are in it will be very hard to get them out! And four pets? Ugh!
Just say no. Your mother saying it's your turn to take care of her and your brother sounds like a bad joke to me. Your mother probably gets SS, so can take care of herself. Your brother needs to get his own life. It isn't your fault that the two dug such a hole for themselves. It sounds like they want to pull you into the hole and ruin your life. Just say no. They can't move in if you don't let them. Don't let the bullying work. It can be hard to say no and make them understand, but it would be harder to get them out once they get their hooks into your house. In fact, legally you can't get them out without going through eviction proceedings. Don't let them get a foot in the door or your life and house are probably gone.
Sounds dysfunctional. I believe in family and I would support any family ember that needed it, to the best of my abi,it's, but the way they are coming about it leaves much to be desired. This is an obviously toxic situation. Do not allow them to move in....they will never leave. If you are willing to help hem find a place, a job, etc., say so. If you are willing to give them $ say the amount and for how long. Mom needs to live off her SS and bro needs to work.
cococneedshelp .. DON"T DO IT !!! Seriously, you are an adult and you have to put your foot down and say NO !! Get a restraining order if you have to, don't even let them in your house for a visit because they will never leave. You have helped them enough. Truly.
because their is no work in their town but my brother is insulent dependant and doesn't take care of himself. Her house well they talked her into bankrupty even thou she has an 800 credit score and told her to stop paying her bills. She will get to keep her house and then make about 40k off of it. I guess when she comes up here she said she is not giving anyone any money it is hers....
My mom had a stroke mild about 4 years ago but she can be so nasty and my brother treats her like crap until he and his kids get what they want from her. I mean cars, rent, repairs, etc.
Why does your brother only work part-time? Are the 4 animals your Moms and what exactly are they? Have you ever been your Mom's caregiver, or did your brother play that role?
What will happen to her home? Who has POA?
Sorry for all the questions, but so much is unsaid.
I work from home. I am resentful because my brother and his family got my money into this no money situation. My mom says oh well deal with it your not leaving your brother out of this they are moving to my state.
Move! Disconnect your phone! Leave NO forwarding address. Change your name. Hide!!!!!!! Dig a bomb shelter and get the hell in it and lock the door. Hells-a-comin!
I have four bedroom house so yes I have room, but I do have a life too. I get up almost every morning starting at 3:30 Am and stop working around 7PM. I already help one of my brothers kids that has 5 kids and buy them groceries all the time.;
I have been divorced and raised my child on my own. I have been divorced for 25 years I am going to go crazy. I am a neat freak and so is my kid when she, and her husband come to visit. My daughter helps me with lots of things, but I think my family expects me rather told me I could help them all. I'm 56 I would love a vacation or just to relax I work about an 70-hour workweek.
My mom is 84 and my brother 59. My brother and his children have borrowed all her money made her take out a mortgage and then ran up credit cards. My mom keeps including me in on the stack. Over the years, all I have ever done is send them all money to help them out. My mom is broke and now wants me to pay for everybody. My brother works part-time and, my mom says you can do it.
How old is your brother? Is he disabled? As for the pets, unless they are well behaved goldfish, that is a lot to ask. I would bend over backwards to help a parent, I would also support a sibling the best I could, but just being told this way sounds like a bad foot to start off on. Set your boundaries, whether it be pets, or living arrangements. Do you even have room for them?
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Do Not Feel Guilty or Bad. Find Alternate Options for them. Get brochures, read up, call up. Get everything in order, write notes. When it's time, confront mom and bro. It's going to be very very very difficult.
Ask yourself: Are you willing to have your home be defiled, messed, damaged?
Are you really really able to Live with them in your home?
Are you really willing to give up your life, your money, your freedom - to take care or clean up after them all?
Know this, your mom is not even in a Critical condition where she's bedridden or dementia-ridden that she no longer can live on her own. As long as your mom and bro are able-bodied, they CAN live on their own....it's call Govt housing.
Your mom had a lot of money. Now it's gone. Guess what? YOU are now their next money tree (the bank.) Are you willing to end up like them? Are you willing to lose your job (even if it's at home- you will be too stressed to do any real job)?
Coco, as long as they have not moved in, it's easier to keep them out. Once they move in, you will find - like in some states - that you cannot just kick them out. So, I'm warning you now, be very careful of what you decide. Don't let mom give you the guilt trip. Do your research and stand firm. Whatever you decide, it's going to be with open eyes.
As for your brother, He Is NOT your Responsibility. He will Never Ever grow up with you and mom there for him 100%. Your mom should have given him the Tough Love years ago. You are NOT his responsibility.
I guaranty you right now. If they move in, your house will deteriorate fast. Your Money will beTHEIR money. And you might end up losing your house, etc...
I never understood why people here on AC kept saying go to therapy. I have resisted it for years. I knew I needed it as a teen, but refused to go. Only this month I'm finally seeing one. OMGoodness! In the 3 visits I've had, I learned a lot. Trust me, when you go to therapy, they will help you see how people can "walk all over us." I'm learning to appreciate ME so that I can tell my family No More!
Tell your mom, NO. But that you will help her find a place to live on her own. Your brother has kids...well...then he needs to learn to grow up. And worse case scenarion, they too can apply for govt housing subsidies and food stamps!
Please!!!!! You need to think about yourself....
Coco, if any of that resonates with you please consider getting into therapy so you have some more support for YOU in this situation and keep posting here so we can support you too. You do not owe any of these people shelter, grocery money, or restoring their debts. If you feel that you truly do want to help, as was suggested above make what you offer very specific, time-limited, and not open-ended.
We may be our brother's keeper, but this doesn't mean we are their pigeon or their enabler. One problem with my brother is that he never was allowed to hit bottom until the very end, so had no reason to change. It sounds like your mother has been enabling him and now wants you to enable him. It is bad for him and worse for you.
I believe in family and I would support any family ember that needed it, to the best of my abi,it's, but the way they are coming about it leaves much to be desired. This is an obviously toxic situation. Do not allow them to move in....they will never leave. If you are willing to help hem find a place, a job, etc., say so. If you are willing to give them $ say the amount and for how long.
Mom needs to live off her SS and bro needs to work.
What will happen to her home? Who has POA?
Sorry for all the questions, but so much is unsaid.
I already help one of my brothers kids that has 5 kids and buy them groceries all the time.;