I can only do so much, and we have a rather antagonistic relationship. Much of her snotty personality toward me remains. Functional in many surprising ways. Dresses herself, even putting on jewelry for example. But have yet to find a bra and undies in the laundry, maybe one pair. Have seen prior some staining on the bedding that was very slight. She opts to not wear undies to bed (life long pattern). Yesterday went to do laundry and found a heavily soiled (but no residue) pair of underpants to the point of being smelly, that she had put down the laundry chute.
With the short term memory loss there is no sense in discussing it though I have fantasized about leaving a note under her bed covers that says something nasty.
Should I raid her drawers (no pun intended LOL) and steal her undies and replace it with the disposable briefs?
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/toilet-bidet-keep-older-adults-clean-177890.htm
The facts are that if Mom has a continuously dirty dupa, she’s on a fast track to a UTI. Poor hygiene caused my mom’s UTIs and she became violent when she had one. I still have a scar from where she gouged me. Taking her underwear and replacing them with Depends won’t improve her hygiene. She is at the point where she needs supervision when she bathes. Leaving nasty notes under her pillow won’t solve a thing and will only mean you’ve sunk to her level of snark. Also won’t solve the hygiene issue.
How about a bath aide? If she protests she doesn’t want a stranger giving her a bath, then tell her she can do it herself with your help and you WILL help. When they act like 2 year olds, all bets are off as far as “Mom is the boss”.
I only was THINKING of leaving a note in my imagination, not really. She is determined enough that if she chooses to be uncooperative with anyone's help, she will be...but I think we are going to need to get some help in. She has neglected her personal hygiene in general for longer than I care to admit, though last summer I did have a hospital affiliated home care nurse come out. She saw how well mom was functioning and said she had seen many others where they just "let it go" because it is not worth the upset and agitation. I think we have reached the point though that we need to do so. I am going to connect with the primary care doc or neurologist, maybe an official script for the help to back up the plan that she can keep picking up to read as she often does with greeting cards or her calendar, might help...and with the Alz Assn in hopes they can help me find someone really special. Has anyone ever used Care.com to find someone? Months ago when I looked there, I saw a couple possible people...i.e. like someone who was a nursing student... I attend a support group and one of the leaders pointed out how many steps there are in processes like this we take for granted, i.e. the afflicted person can't remember what to do. Wondering too, if hospice might be able to be infrequently involved. I think she's together enough to be really upset if they were. She actually worked for their resale shop over 25 years until it closed. Though they wanted her out long before (she would say things were on sale that weren't).