This subject is totally off limits to my mom as she is paranoid about someone trying to take control of her life. She won't make me (her caregiver and daughter) or anyone else her poa. She has a living will but no poa. I have tried to explain to her that even though I believe she is of sound mind right now, what will I do when that is no longer the case and she hasn't prepared for that? I have 4 brothers who have no interest in helping with her care. She lives with me in my home and I get no help either physically or financially. My two eldest brothers are in her will as executors of her estate (She and dad did this many years ago). However, she really doesn't have much of an estate. One of my younger brothers had her to put his name on her bank accounts. I am beneficary on her very small ins policy to cover her funeral costs which will not be enough. The money in her bank account is susposed to be used to make up the difference but I know it won't be. I seriously want home to get things in other before it is too late but how do I get her to understand this without her thinking I am trying to take her. (She is paranoid because of a situation that happened between her sister and her daughter, I keep telling her that I am me not her neice)
As far as my mom's funeral arrangements, she prepaid for a casket, made arrangements and set the money aside in a separate savings account that my sister's name is on as well as mom's. My sister is primary on the DPOA plus she is executor of mom's trust.
I have a few ideas. Do you have a local senior center that has programs? They might have one on the plans a person needs to make as they get older. If she would agree to go to something like that, it might plant some ideas in her head. Do you have a friend who is a lawyer, insurance agent or other professional that she might listen to?
When I finally get around to it, I'm going to take my slightly demented husband to the elder care lawyer to set things up for when I need care. Oh, while we're here, maybe he might want to do the same. Seriously, you could be hit by a car and end up unable to care for yourself, so "model" good behavior for her by letting her know about the plans you're making for yourself, as any responsible adult would.
By the way, most of us came to this website knowing nothing or next to nothing about these issues. I had never even thought about a POA, much less knowing how long it lasted. People don't think you're stupid. They just want to mention all the things you might need to learn.
About dementia: my husband was diagnosed with Alz. A common sign of that is forgetting over and over again what day it is. Repeating the same question several times the same day is another one. Does Mom do anything that makes you wonder?
If you can't convince Mom to set aside more money for her funeral, then I guess you'll have to do a budget version. Or your brothers will. How important is this her?
Who is paying her bills now? The brother on her bank account? Is she content to have him on her account?
Here are a couple of helpful articles about noticing signs of dementia:
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/alzheimers-disease-dementia-warning-signs-144253.htm
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/Alzheimers-Disease-signs-symptoms-treatments-95734.htm
Not all forms of dementia start or progress in the same way, but these articles provide a good general view of what to look for.
What specific kinds of transactions do you need POA to handle for Mom? Does she have recurring bills?
Would Mom be open to pre-paying funeral costs? Is she willing to discuss what kind of funeral she would prefer? Or doesn't it matter to her? Might she consider increasing that small insurance policy to cover the kind of funeral she expects? BTW, POA ends upon Mom's death, so even if you have it, it won't help you pay for the funeral, unless you have done something ahead. If she will so something ahead to ensure those funds are available, that problem would be solved.