i.e. bad doctors, bad gardeners, etc?
Every time I see my mother all she talks about is negative stuff, it is so hard for me to listen to. There is never, and I mean never anything good that she talks about. The adult grandchildren really don't see her, because of this. My father died about 6 years ago, she was negative then but now it is terrible. She mostly sits at home all day, she is 85 years old. She keeps talking about all the doctor appointment she needs, eye doctor, skin doctor, etc, but never makes the appointments - we finally got rid of her car this year, and she still talks about how she wishes she had the car, which she hadn't driven in over a year, and even then maybe once or twice. I drive her to all her appointments, with a full time job.
All her frustration and anger is directed at me, and it sucks the life out of me, so I pull back. At my age (soon to be 73) I feel I have a right to enjoy my own old age, and pray that when my time comes, I can be gracious like my aunts, not bitter and angry like my mother. Meanwhile, I do what she needs, but leave when she starts to put me down, or my children. She has driven them away, and then complains that she never hears from them. So sad, and when she dies, I think I will cry for the relationship we never had, not for her death.
She is in a very good facility, and on an antidepressant. I visit once or twice each week and take her to appointments. She makes no effort to get out of her apartment on her own to visit with the other residents or to entertain herself. After several years of this, I have come to the conclusion that I cannot change her, I can only change the way I react to her. As a result, I keep my visits and phone calls short. If she starts complaining, I make up a reason why I need to hang up. Listening to a long litany of complaints is exhausting and stressful.
You might want to ask her about things that she did well. "Hey, mom, how did you do this or that?" It doesn't matter whether you care about the answer particularly, but it can get her off on a topic that she does feel good about. I often ask my mom about her childhood (hundreds of stories) and that occupies her without negativity for quite while.
And, of course, I always have to suggest medication. My mom was an impossible nuisance untill she got on the right meds. Have you had her evaluated? Trust me on this one: it is worth it. The right meds can turn things around overnight.
Hang in and get some help. Look into a geriatric doctor and the right meds. You may be surprised.
Our personality traits manifest more intensely as we age. Anything we have been hiding behind a mask become more difficult to hide and it comes out.
This is why making any adjustments need to be made early to ourselves if we are aware soon enough that we need to change. Otherwise, we are who we are.
It could also be that she's angry at her state in life now and just wants to vent. But it is an energy drainer.
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