We have to move my in-laws next week from AL to NH therefore we have to take their dog away from them. She has vascular dementia and he has Alzheimer's but they are both still aware of having a real dog verses a fake one. He is insistent on going home (childhood) but she is aware that they have no home due to hurricane. My question is how would you break the news to them and how soon would you tell them? I feel horrible about the situation but no other alternatives. Thanks
They know they have a dog because it provides comfort to them.
My dad had a 6# chihuahua and I am not a pocket pooch person, but I took care of her and hauled her back and forth until he was placed in a facility that allowed him to have her. Rehab even allowed her to stay for hours, he just had to keep the door closed.
He cried more when she passed then for any person he has lost.
They provide a love that should not be treated lightly.
Ask the facility what they allow, you might be surprised. Maybe a couple hours a day or over night, never know.
In other words, while I can't imagine living without her, at my age, 78, I would rather be lied to than have to bear the idea she is gone from me to a place I don't know. Best of luck to you. It broke my heart to read of your dilemma. I can't imagine what it must be like for you and your parents. Love to you all, including the pet.
Would they prefer to focus that by moving, they’re improving the life of their doggy?
If in fact you have “no other alternatives” then please allow yourself to be at more of a sense of peace. Any feeling human being who is forced to become part of this tragic process MUST become resigned to feeling the weight of “no-winners” decision making. I find with my somewhat similarly abled LO that less information, quietly, calmly, and matter of factly given is inevitably what works best.
As her dementia increased, so did her "meanness" behavior towards "Gizmo." Several different staff mentioned it to me and then I witnessed it myself. I found a loving family with 4 kids (10-16) that loved her from first meeting. Gizmo was so excited with all the attention. I told my sister I was taking Gizmo for grooming and poor thing had heart attack and died. We both had a good cry(different reasons)...but she forgot this sadness quickly. I made sure she had a great photo of Gizmo to "talk to." Dementia is a cruel disease.
The dog my Mom/stepfather have was also a very big concern for me. The dog is a Pitbull/terrier mix AND a rescue. The dog is everything to them. She knows something is wrong with both, but especially Mom. She won't let anyone, NOT aggressively, near Mom until she gives permission. She stays next to Mom all the time.
The #1 thing I asked was if the AL allowed dogs as their dog has become more of a service dog over the years.
The AL I was able to place them did accept the dog! They have 1 suite which is more like a very exclusive hotel room, I bought a doggie door for the patio door, they took out the swimming pool to make a gorgeous oasis area so I bought/paid for a portion of the wrought iron fencing/installment so the dog can go in/out and not bother the other residents.
Yes, I pay $500 more a month because their laundry/playtime/cleaning up after the dog/extra cleaning due to shedding is worth the $500.
I know since I live out of State, that Mom/stepfather are happy knowing the dog is there. Mom/stepfather only recognize each other and their dog. I also pay for the Vet bill. Mom/stepfather happiness is more valuable than the money, I just need to fight step-siblings to pay 50% of the bills for these extras per State community laws
I would wait as long as possible. No sense in giving them time to fret about it and probably drive you crazy with questions and complaints.
Probably have to come up with a theraputic lie or two to make the explanation for the big change short and sweet. And easy to repeat as many times as possible.
I know you must fell terrible. But you have to do what you have to do so find a way to make peace with it and remind yourself that you are doing the best you can and that your inlaws WILL be OK.
Thanks for all the helpful nonjudgmental comments. This is so hard to do as many of us struggle to make the right and sometimes only decision we can for our loved ones. My hubby told them today he said they were not happy but no too upset but tomorrow may be a different story. Prayers and hugs to you all as you continue your path with your LO's.
Stay in touch with all of us. Good luck to you and to your parents. Very nice of your husband to relieve you of that unhappy task. Special hug to him.
Take care, safe travels, and know you are being thought of.