He also can't remember the names of his Grandchildren. Physically he's OK, he can walk down to the shops and back and further sometimes. But he has very bad hearing and has a pacemaker. When he comes home, he lays down for a long time. He has a very temperamental stomach, which is a consequence of a twisted bowel, so he can't eat solid food like steak or chicken etc. He has soup most days for lunch and sardines mashed potato and peas for dinner or sometimes I'll cook a shepherd's pie. Since mums passing he's lost 40kgs in 3 years. He's an extremely independent thinking man and stubborn.
On a positive side, though, he is very respectful of my husband and my boundaries, and feels disinclined and embarrassed to impose on our private time, for which I'm extremely lucky. I put on DVD's for him in his room at night so he can be entertained and he's an avid reader. He can shower on his own at the present time.
What am I to expect as time goes on?
When my dads battery was nearing replacement, he would get worn out from activities and nap for hours.
It ended up that he also had some blockages that contributed to his weariness.
I would look into that 1st, because it can cause further mental challenges as his brain can be deprived of oxygen with these issues.
You all sound very blessed to have one another and that your dad understands the needs of a married couple to have privacy.
My mother resides in a SN center with a bedsore that will never heal. That developed after she was dropped by a CNA and both her femurs were broken. They healed but the bedsore became massive. I visit several times a week. She has lost alot of weight. She was overweight yet now she is so very frail. It breaks my heart to have her so compromised.
In earlier posts I described less than an ideal relationship over many years. However she is a kind person and this is so very undeserving. She has been placed on palliative care twice in the past year only to be removed from it. That in itself is an emotional rollercoaster. There have been times when I wish it would all be over because the suffering is so cruel. She has also developed gout which is appearing in her fingers and is very painful. I came away yesterday and thought what will it feel like to no longer have her alive as she does not express a desire to die and is so grateful for my visits. There just is no win here at all.
These were helpful to me:
http://www.dementiacarestrategies.com/12_pt_Understanding_the_Dementia_Experience.pdf
There's a checklist that's more detailed at the bottom of this page--you have to give an email to be able to download it, but they don't spam, and it's very good:
https://tamcummings.com/stages-of-dementia/
There is no one size fits all though. Some people fade gently, memory fades, appetite decreases, sleeping increases. These folk may need more help with tasks as their personal skills (physical or mental) become patchy.
Others become fearful & clingy or many many other things.
Eventually many will need a team approach. This can be more family but also paid aides (if/when needs are higher than what family can do).
Eg Eventually when more help in the bathroom for washing is needed, consider a home side 2-3 x week. If home alone but wandering or unsafe, a sitter.
Keep assessing what he needs, then find how to provide it. Life is a journey of constant change.
The people I meet who really struggle seem to expect things to stay the same, or even return to a previous time. Sometimes they get caught up with how they want things to be they don't see the reality.
Your Dad is lucky to have you in his team 😊