Follow
Share

Struggling.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
I'm so sorry about your husband's diagnosis. You have plenty of company here on this forum!

When we realized my MIL had short-term memory impairment, I went about making sure her critical and sensitive information was preserved and protected. I have a digital password keeper, which also can keep documents, pictures, notes, etc. I made sure I had a picture of her SSN, driver's license, Medicare card, insurance cards, credit/debit cards (and their PINs), scanned important docs like house and car titles, birth and marriage certificates, divorce paperwork, EE bonds, etc.

I made online access to all her banks and credit cards for ease of knowledge and transactions. I put as many bills on auto pay as possible (mortgage, utilities, cc's, property taxes, etc).

For my own Mom (now 94, and I'm her PoA) I keep just the minimum of cash in her checking to pay bills and the rest is in savings and assets so that she can't "accidentally" do something that would drain her account.

You should take your husband along with his FPoA with the documents. Each bank has their own protocol for adding the FPoA to the account, and it usually involves bringing in the person (like your husband) physically to help prevent fraud and financial abuse.

Take all critical and sensitive documents and store them in a locking or fireproof safe that you keep in an private but protected and accessible spot. Put the key somewhere where he can't find it. Give the other key to his FPoA or a trusted family member. Get one big enough so you can also put small valuables in it, like jewelry, expensive watches, coins, EE bonds, passports, etc. My Mom has hers on a rolling cart in her closet.

Hide a house key outside your house in case you're not home but emergency help needs to get inside (or use a lock box that attaches to the doorknob).

How is your husband handling this news? Do you have adult children? If so, do they live locally?

What stage of dementia does your husband have? It helps us to know what his current behaviors are so we can give you very specific advice.

Taking care of yourself now becomes a primary priority because who knows how long this journey will take, and your body is doing its own aging as well. I wish you all the best and peace in your heart as you move through this.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

There are several things you should do now. First I would start by educating yourself as much as possible about the disease of dementia, as that will help you better understand what your husband is going through.
The first book I read when my late husband was diagnosed was The 36 Hour Day, by Nancy L. Mace and Peter V. Rabins. Teepa Snow(a dementia expert)also has a lot of great videos on YouTube along with several books that she's written that will be helpful as well.
Then make sure that you're getting all your important documents in order, like POA's, Will, MOST or POLST forms, and the like.
Try finding a local caregivers support group in your area, that you can share with and learn from others going through or have gone through what you are going through. Mine saved my life. and though my husband has been gone for over 3 years now, I still attend to try and help others still in the trenches.
You can also take your husband to an Adult Daycare Center up to 5 days a week, and 8 hours a day. They serve breakfast, lunch and a snack, and offer all kinds of fun activities to those suffering from dementia. That would give you the much needed breaks you need.
Of course there is a cost to that but they do offer financial help if needed.
And most importantly take care of yourself. Find time to still do the things that you enjoy as that will help you stay positive and rejuvenate you so you can continue on this journey with your husband.
You can do this, I promise. And you will come out much stronger in the end when it is all said and done.
God bless you.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Marie, welcome!

Does your husband have a good care team that can provide you with guidance about what kind of dementia he has and what to expect?

Have you seen an Elder Law attorney to get all of your legal documents (wills/trusts, POAs, end of life wishes) in order?

Do you have a good handle on your finances and understand how to file for Medicaid for him if facility care becomes needed?

You might Google Teepa Snow and look at some of her videos on handling folks with dementia.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter