I come over everyday and care for my mother who has dementia and real bad short term memory. I do have caregivers that relieve me during the afternoon and graveyard. But this particular past week has been real hard because everyone has been getting sick and I have been covering their shifts. I have been spending over 12 hr days with her and yesterday it came to a head. She has been verbally abusive to me for no reason in the past but last night at about 7 pm I was locking the patio door and I turned around and she appeared behind me saying that I was going to be very sorry and that she was going to tell my older brother about me. I said nothing. She went to bed and when she gets this way she really scares me so I kenneled her dog and shut off TV and sat at kitchen table in dark til graveyard person arrived at 8 pm. I was too scared to make any sound that would set her off again. I'm scared and alone and don't know what to do.
Hoping for you that everyone will soon be safe and your Mom will get the care she needs, wherever that may be. You have been a wonderful daughter to care for her and want her to have what she wants ( live at home) plus what she needs.
It is sad when their needs outweigh their wants at times. You will figure this out I am sure. Trust yourself.
It was just coincidence that I had just last week experienced similar to your situation.
I would not have known to consider detaching with love had it not been several years on here reading the advice of caring people like Barb, Jeanne, Golden, MsMadge, FregFlyer, and Countrymouse to name a few. In fact, much of what I said was borrowed from them over the years.
They all are a fast study and may take a situation to it's logical conclusion before others are able to understand. In your personal situation, you are already aware of the dangers.
What I am trying to say so awkwardly, is that give everyone a chance to help, considering what will help you and your Mom, and leave the rest. It could have been me jumping to conclusions that won't work in your situation. I just felt that you can be trusted, as I also trust the others who have weighed in to help.
Yay for us!