My mother uses the house as a open toilet! What do I do?

Hi Yellowfeever, keep up your courage!! You are very brave not to have placed your mother in residential care already. Diapers, diapers, diapers are the way to go, and use every kind of belt on clothes over the top to prevent your mum from getting at the diaper. My Alzheimer's friend wants to go to the loo every 5 minutes when I take her out, but can stay for hours without "going" if she is in her room next to her own bathroom with loo. Sadly, I can still smell the poo on her hands even after she washes them, so I have to grab paper towels and do this. She asks me why? She cannot smell it.

The laughter and pulling up pads could be embarrassment. Yes, they know what they are doing and, no, they can't help it. Lack of sleep makes all of us tired and short tempered. I put my husband in respite care every month or so so that I can get a full night's sleep. Also, check with your doctor. Sometimed there are meds. I would tell my husband. You need someone to be there to support you. And if he thinks it is time for AL, he may be right.

Dimentia is known for memory loss,behavior and personality changes and speech . Alzheimer's is known for attacking the living cells on the brain so they are not themselves anymore they don't know what they are doing there brain becomes like a shribbled cabbage while ours is still fresh . Unfortunately with the elderly when they aging their mentality goes backwards like toddlers for example there was an elderly man who was yelling for his mother . Some play with dolls . This requires patience and if you can not handle I will suggest calling assisting living facility .

Alzheimer's kills the brain living cells in which they stop the brain it's not like it use to be .There are pictures of a normal brain like our and Alzheimer's that look like a shrunken cabbage . Unfortunately they do no know what they are doing . Dimentia is not only memory loss but also personality and behavior changes. And having a hard time speaking it's like they going back as if they were toddlers

I couldn't handle this one!!!! Time to look for a nursing home. Nuh-uh, No Way!!

I'm not a doctor, but from what I've seen, mental illness, especially depression, dies seem to be linked to dementia in later life.

I do not have much of a suggestion but I can say my grandma who has dementia thinks the bathroom is places it is not. She will walk with me and try to sit down on me thinking it's the bathroom. She has peed on her walker before while in front of the toilet insisting the walker is the toilet. I only turned my back for a second on that one. She has ripped off her pants in her chair once and peed in there. Thankfully never again has that happened as I got sturdier pants to prevent that from happening.

If my grandma goes to poop, I wipe her or she will literally put her fingers inside of herself and either try to pull out the poop and get herself covered or will try to wipe using her clothing or will clean her dirty hands on her clothing. When being spoken to she used to insist it was the way things were done. So while it may seem she's doing things on purpose, she really might not be.

I take my grandma to the bathroom every hour to prevent accidents. I walk with her to the bathroom to ensure she makes it to the toilet each time. I use puppy pads in front of the toilet especially when she has a UTI so when she pees while standing it lands on the puppy pad and makes for an easy clean up instead of my tiles making me bleach them. I wipe her after her pooping bathroom uses to ensure it doesn't get spread anywhere it shouldn't. Those are just some of the things I do to avoid bathroom messes but she wasn't doing everything your mother is doing.

This is disgusting beyond belief and under no circumstances should you tolerate it. You MUST find a place to put her. She is way beyond the point of being cared for at home. This is just plain sick and it is going to g et worse.

My husband is horrified when his pee or poop comes with no warning. It is humiliating to them because even with dementia they know what is happening. Do you think her trying to hide it might be embarrassment? My husband constantly apologizes when I have to clean up after him. I just tell him I hope someone will do it for me someday. It is exhausting, isn't it. I'm worn out! But, nothing lasts forever and this, too, shall pass. PS. I freaked out when he whipped it out to pee. in the fireplace. It's so porous I could never get the smell out. Every time he ruins something, I just make a mental note of one more thing that will have to be replaced.

Certainly an option is to have a loved one who relieves themselves all over the house is one solution.
Maybe you don't want to place the loved one. the other solution is to protect your home. it may be possible to confine your loved one to a section of the house where the floors can be changed to a washable covering.. If they share living areas a specific chair for the LO can be protected. When someone refuses to either wear depends or frequently removes them garments can be purchased that close in the back so the LO is unable to remove tham.
There are lots of things to try before confining a LO one to a facility unless that is a good solution for you.

I am very sorry to say this but when people start doing things like this, you have one option - remove them from your home and put them into a facility to be cared by people trained in that type of work. Do you want your home to become cesspool? I doubt it. Get them out of your home at once. it is just disgusting and cannot be stopped.

My last sentence got cut off somehow...sorry. You must face the fact that this person CANNOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, STAY IN YOUR HOME. She must be immediately moved to a facility where they can deal with people doing things like this. You and your home will be destroyed if you allow this to continue. It is very sad but there is no solution that is going to stop this. She needs to be professionally cared for and you have to find a way to do that.

I just answered this but it didn't post so here goes again. I don't care if it is age, mental problems or physical problems. This is DISGUSTING AND TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE. This is NOT going to stop - it will get worse. And it will destroy you and make your home uninhabitable. It cannot continue. You must face the fact that

I don't care if your mother has dementia or nothing is wrong with her. This is absolutely disgusting and it is not going to stop. No one should ever, under any circumstances allow this. It is just plain sick. Face the fact - you can no longer care for her. She needs to be put somewhere into a facility where they can handle this. To do this to someone is horrible and it will destroy you and your family. YOU CANNOT ALLOW THIS TO CONTINUE. YOU MUST REMOVE HER AT ONCE!

I am a caregiver to my brother with ALZ. The incontinence of 1 and 2 is part of this dreaded disease. Like most everything else, he simply doesn't know this task, occasionally he may get #1 right even at this later stage. The incontinence started with just the #1, at times getting it right, other times not. Then the #2 began, not making it in time, not knowing the how to of it all. We went thru some behavioral, a warning with carry thru, then found in a hidden place. I used the toddler training approach, pointing it out, would be denied, but had to advise it wasn't acceptable, it did stop. It seems once the incontinence started, it moved quickly. Reminders never working for me, "No," was the answer or, "Don't have to," causing agitation. Trying to direct #2 more challenging; afraid of the sitting down, undressing, not knowing the steps; not allowing me or anyone to assist him. Sorry to say but it seems this the game changer for many, step up your game or not? I do know caring and loving givers who had no choice but to retreat, just burning out from it all. "Get help," you hear. It's hard, the best of the best don't want this task, no matter the $ involved. It's no longer a caregiver position but more of a housekeeper/maid. It does seem if one is not ambulatory, is in need of more care it is easier to get help. A 4 or more hour shift, even live in is feasible, $ does matter. With this disease there are stages, not cookie cutter. Type of care, amount and time needed different for everyone. Momentum fades, so, know when, take care of you. Sad to say but you're on your own it seems. God Bless

You all are angels.Truly better than I. My mother told me years ago, when she was a young healthy woman, that she never wanted to live with me, or burden me. She was (and is) so private, and not a warm sharing woman. But our relationship was warm and fine.She would be fine to go to a nursing home. I believe her. The 'old her' really meant it. She now has dementia, and my elderly father is the necessary part of her living. And my being here about 1/4 of the time. Her memory and logic, and independence are shot. But they are still doing ok. She is now incontinent a lot of the time..not always..but she has poop accidents about once a week or so. I am sure it will continue to get worse. She is afraid to leave the house (she rarely does anyway...we have to force her..) My Dad still wants them to live independently (they are in a townhome...people around..but its not a old age place). My point of writing this is, my mother would never ever want me to clean her up. She is still proud, and can get humiliated. If my father were to die first, I would have no guilt, or hesitation in having her continue her life in a nursing facility. I then feel guilty that I have no guilt. I know I would want to be in one, when I get older..I'd have no problem. My mother is 90. She does nothing but watch TV,read and doze, and eat. No social life....Dependent on Dad, who is 92, but 'healthy'. So no guilt in her going to a place to have them clean up her poop...but guilt in that I have no guilt.

my mom pees and poops everywhere but the toilet and thats just one of many straws thats been broken and I still dont feel that she needs to be in a home with strangers taking care of her. Im still learning to be patient she cleaned up my poop the least I can do is clean up hers.

Ive been caring for mom now going on three plus years and it does get hard and stressful but every day is just another day with my mom and im glad that I am here to help her with her day to day living.

My husband has had early onset alz for eight years and today was the first bowel movement out of the adult depends...all over the kitchen.....it happened while I was talking on the phone to our teacher daughter on her way home from work. I smelled it first and then was shocked seeing him standing naked in the kitchen with poop everywhere.....some scenery! LOL He said 4 people made him do it. Imaginary friends...then, I found his pajama bottoms on top of the coffee pot but never did find the actually depends he had been wearing! I am hoping he had thrown them in the trash can. Needless to say, everything cleaned with ammonia and lots of scrubbing...and showering him and well, I never thought he would do that because he has been so good listening to instructions. I have to do everything for him but this was the straw that broke me. He is scheduled to go into a memory care home within the next two weeks. I have a real understanding now how really hard the staff must work...good to know that a urinary infection may cause this....I will have him tested. Thank God for this site and all the common sense and love you people have caring for your loved ones.

why does my mother pee and pool on her self often.

my mother often pees and poop on herself she said she can not hold it...why is this happening to her.

I'll bet if you alert the health department, they'll warn you about the serious health hazards of this situation and what kind of danger everyone else in that house is facing. From experience I know that one of the threats of fecal matter is the infection H. pylori, (which is very hard to get rid of).
You may want to learn more about this from the mayo clinic who can describe everything:

I'm not sure how long this is been occurring, but if this just started you really need to get her out of there before she ruins everything (including the house). Solid waste penetrates anything it can and ruins it. If you're not careful, it'll penetrate and settle into your furniture, carpets and floors. Outside of replacing everything, professional cleaning is also very expensive, so weigh the cost and see if it's worth it to clean or if you should just go ahead and replace.

The longer this problem occurs, the more of a hazard this will become as it not only ruins everything it touches, but it also puts the lives of others in danger. The house will most likely need professional cleaning and sterilization (which can be very expensive). Compare expense and it may not even be worth it depending on the home's value. If the damage is too great, it may need condemned and torn down. This was the case in a neighboring town near me where there was extreme filth inside this one particular house where there were too many dogs for starters. They used the house as an open toilet to the point where the house just had to be condemned by the city and torn down. It was so bad you couldn't even have company because it wasn't safe to go inside the house, and there was definitely no where to set up because the dogs had taken over everything. Had the dogs been removed much sooner, the house may have been saved.
Putting myself in your shoes, I'd be quickly out the door if I couldn't find immediate alternate placement for someone who uses the house as an open toilet. If you were ever infected with a fecal matter related illness like I was, you could clearly understand how I'm still struggling with the aftermath of the infection since it really is hard to get rid of. This is why I'd be gone because having already been infected, I don't want that again, and past experience is exactly why I just won't live where the house is used as an open toilet.

Another thing I know is about how toxic waste pollutes the air by giving off a gas that smells worse than ammonia. Breathing that kind of air long enough will actually make you very ill, and for some people it really doesn't take long, let's say maybe one night. If you're sleeping over somewhere and find yourself waking up feeling very ill one morning and feel fine when you get out in the fresh air, you may want to question the indoor air quality. I mean, look at the situation:

Your sleep over at a friend's or relative's house. You notice an ammonia smell in the air which seems to fade. You go on about your business and find yourself unable to sleep until close to morning when you finally drift off. Hours later you wake up feeling very sick with flu like symptoms. It seems like every muscle is weak, you have no appetite and you feel nausea when you try to eat.

Now, step outside in the fresh air and notice how quick the illness vanishes because you'll notice you feel better right away. This is what happened to me when I stayed over at a friends years ago. The other house wasn't nearly as filthy as the one that later got condemned, but even a little bit of filth build up enough gas in the air that can make you sick. This is why it's such a health hazard to have someone living with you who uses the house as an open toilet. The bigger the person is, the bigger the mess they make. You may try to clean up behind them, but trust me, there still traces left behind regardless of your efforts. You really wouldn't want out-of-state company or company from another country sitting on furniture where someone else made a mess, it just wouldn't be right (even if you flipped the cushions over). It's not right if they can't sit down anywhere because someone has ruined the furniture. After a good long trip, the company who has come to see you from far away deserves the comforts of plush cushioned furniture. This is why furniture should be protected, because some furniture out there is very expensive. Adult diapers can only do so much along with other marketed products, and there comes a time when the person making the mess must be placed elsewhere such as a facility that handles stuff like this every day. Shortly after my elderly friend started making messes, he was immediately taken from home and placed into a facility where they could handle the problem. This worked out very well since he was a frequent flyer with our local squad and ER because we could no longer handle his problems

Shitface, I am SO sorry for what you're going through. Please check back here and let us know what's going on! I fell asleep last night thinking about you and your problem. It's clear that you've reached your limit and need help.

PLEASE contact your local agency on aging for support, and assessment of the situation in your home. It clearly canNOT go on like this - for everyone's sake.

So your grandmother and father cared for you as a child - that was their responsibility, and with a child there is continuous growth and development. In elders the process is reversed. Your situation can only continue to deteriorate.

You need to get help NOW before you are any more overwhelmed. If nothing changes, I'd tell me father that I needed a break and was going away for a long weekend. Then he'll have to deal with the problem on his own - and I'd bet he'll find a solution. If the only answer he comes up with is leaving the mess for you to clean up when you get home (worst case scenario), you may need to cut ties and move - or at least threaten to.

My husband didn't "get" the strain his mother was putting on or relationship until I told him that either he'd have to move out with her (back to her home) or I'd have to go, because our situation couldn't continue. Then suddenly he was willing and able to consider the options. Had he considered the options earlier (adult day care, a part time aide, respite) she could still be with us.

HOWEVER - we found a wonderful memory care facility for her which he will admit provides far better care - including social, physical, and mental stimulation - that we were able to.

shitface - please take care of yourself and take steps to move your situation forward. Sending you hugs and wishes that your situation improves soon!

Hey shitface, how about putting your grandmother on Vitamin D; it could help. Even if it doesn't help her make it to the bathroom on time when she has to poop, it could help with her balance so she can run to the bathroom when she has to poop or to pee

That is fascinating information about Vitamin D, cak2135. Thank you for sharing the information!!!!

I am almost 63 years of age, and I have had some bowel incontinence. It's mighty embarrassing. Turns out if was super easy to treat; my doctor suggested I try 2000 units of Vitamin D; I have had malabsorption for the past seven years. I live alone, I don't have any immediate family in the area that I live in and I also do not attend church. I did try the Vitamin D, and I am getting my life back. Now I make it to the bathroom when I have to poop. I sometimes didn't make it to the bathroom in time when I had to poop, and it resulted in a messy accident.

shitface, I have two suggestoons having been there, also. 1) Change your screen name. You are a very worth while human being! 2) Talk with somebody face-to-face who is outside of your family circle about this (like an Alzheimer's group or a caregiver support group or city social services....something like that). Hang in there, where gloves, smile, and remember that you are not a shitface

Ive been caring for my Mother for 6 years. I just found this site! It made me laugh and cry. It is very encouraging to know that others are dealing with issues and finding ways to cope. Thank you for all the suggestions and encouragement! Im going to try the buck and buck and try re potty training to the bedside commode.

Regarding her inability to sleep for more than 3-4 hours in a 24 hour period: There are drugs for that, and I'd get them! Then at least you could all get some sleep.

I cant help but crack up with all these posts because we husband and I are going thru the same crap. pun intended! because my mom in law has dementia and her bd is today she is 85 and she does the "pulling down her diaper and letting it rip" stuff
she has always been a control freak and i guess it really does carry onto their old age. thanks for the comic relief due to all we are going thru with her! it helps a lot