My mother is having hallucinations and delusions but will not see a doctor. What to do?

I can almost feel your pain. I went through this as well. First thing is to keep everyone safe. Hide scissors knives, forks knitting needles and other sharp objects. My mother wanted to stab me and kicked me in the stomach. During her psychotic episodes she became really strong. Get safety locks on the doors to keep her in at night. Remove the fuses in the stove or lock the kitchen door if you can. Then, using every trick in the book, get her in the car and take her to the geriatrician. Don’t ask, just do it. There are meds to help and she may also have a UTI. You can’t do this alone. You are going through a living nightmare. But things will get better. She needs urgent care.

Marlo1234: It is imperative that your mother see her physician posthaste. Your mother is quite young to suffer from dementia. Also, her neurologist needs to be updated with the issues you state.

This sounds like psychosis and there could be other reasons for it, not just dementia. Maybe try and see if you can get her to the Doctor’s by giving her another reason for the appointment??
The Doctor wants to give you a general health check? They are into preventative health measures now!
Lets get the Doctor to look at that Mole on your back?
Then inform the Doctor separately of the real reason for the appointment?

My dad had bad hallucinations one night and called the police a couple times. He lives with my sister. He said there were kids in his apartment. I messaged his doctor about it and he said next time he needs to go to the ER - call an ambulance. That was over a month ago and it hasn’t happened like that since then. But if it does, we are prepared. He’s never been diagnosed with dementia or any other mental disorder.

What you explain in your note is not hallucination. I believe it is mainly delusion. But deciphering between hallucination, delusion, illusion and delirium is not an easy task.

Here is a cut and paste from my recent book "Dementia Care Companion":


Sometimes it is difficult to tell the difference between hallucination and other conditions such as illusion, delusion, or delirium. The problem is compounded by the fact that the patient is often unable to articulate what they are experiencing. As a result, it may take some detective work to determine which condition is present. Proper detection is critical, however, since each symptom is a clue to underlying conditions and a possible warning sign that may need to be addressed right away.

Illusion
"It is near sunset. A gentle breeze moves the curtains. Grandpa believes someone is hiding behind the curtains. You turn on the light and pull the curtains aside. He sees that no one is there and accepts that he was mistaken."

In the case of illusion, the patient misperceives or misinterprets external stimuli, such as a sight or a sound, and confuses one thing for another. They may think that patterns on a rug are live insects, or a belt is a snake. They may mistake a distant sound for someone calling and may get dressed and leave home to investigate. However, they can usually be convinced that they are mistaken.

Delusion
"Grandpa is convinced that a neighbor is hiding behind the bushes and is spying on him. You take him outside and show him that there’s no one hiding there. He accepts that no one is there but still believes the neighbor is spying on him."

Delusion is rooted in an internal belief, rather than external or internal stimuli. The patient does not see or hear things, real or imagined. The belief exists on its own.

I don’t know how old your Mom is, but it sounds like end stage dementia. My Mom was the sweetest most gentle and attentive. As her dementia progressed she too hallucinated and was delusional. She became violent, vulgar and very frightened. She would throw her off flowers ( water and all). Not at
us fortunately . She would clear off her side table with one sweep of her hand. She used vulgar speech and cuss words that she would never use. She would wander and try to go outside to yell for help thinking we were holding her in prison. I could go on and on. My sister and I took turns being with her while we continued to work our full time jobs. Mom’s gerontologist coached us on how to give Mom compassion and tender care. Mom refused to go to doctors so we would video tape her current behaviors and emailed them to her doctor. As Mom’s dementia worsened we had an arsenal of tools that worked great. The medications the Dr prescribed eliminated most of her frightening delusions and hallucinations. We learned to
Live In her delusions or hallucinations . The last thing you want to do is correct her or argue with her that what she hears or says isn’t real. They are most definitely real to them. Preserving her dignity and respect she deserves you don’t want her to feel belittled or stupid which will trigger more undesirable behaviors, fear and anger.
We learned to not ask her to make decisions which just frustrated her. We would say short words like Mom it’s time to eat. or get dressed or take your pills and so on. Luckily after the first consultation and MRI to make sure her brain was not affected by other reasons for example brain tumor or other space occupying lesions Her doctor fortunately prescribed dementia medication like Seroquel, Aricept, antidepressants, anti anxiety meds. The drugs permitted are prescribed to address the current symptoms as dementia worsens. Please do not ask her if she remembers an event, people…..and so on. Their long term memory seems better than the short memories. She eventually didn’t recognize us as her children. I became a close friend of hers from
school. I was Verna the funny one. My sister was a mischievous one. Of course we took on that person that was absolutely real to her.

Having said all that, dementia is a
family disease. It challenges every emotion you have . It is heartbreaking, confusing, scary.
incredibly difficult to the role reversal of u being the parent and her the child. It doesn’t matter how old u
r it still evokes strong emotions that can be difficult to handle. We
cried more tears than I can describe. Grieving is prolonged and real
Give you and your family grace since we all use different coping methods to experience this horrible,,ravaging disease that envelops misery frustration, helplessness , hopelessness, exhaustion to be their caregiver. There r many state of the art memory care facilities. They
are very expensive and not paid with insurance money If your
loved one could afford long term care insurance it can help. Please read the policy very closely and don’t miss the nuances written in it.
You are probably wondering why we didn’t put Mom in a memory care facility. It sure would have given us some respite We promised her when she was lucid and herself,
that we would never put her in nursing home, adult family home or whatever you call them “to wait to die”.

Marlo:

So sorry that you are having a difficult time with your mother. You should call 911 when your mother is having these psychotic episodes and have the doctors at the hospital diagnose her.

Marlo replied 25th Jan, can't find after that. Hopefully getting the situation resolved/treated.

Your mother is having mental health illness. She needs to be evaluated and treated as an inpatient. Please take her to any ER when she has her next episode so she may be appropriately evaluated and treated by a psychiatrist. Medications can help minimize her hallucinations and make it easier to care for her.