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Not really a question but an update. I posted on here last year about my mom who was being controlled by her abusive, sick, 95-year-old brother. He has 2 wealthy sons who do nothing to help him along with adult grandchildren. My mom was going to his house, scrubbing his floors on her hands and knees, while he verbally abused and starved her. My older brother kept driving her out there. There is no money reward as well. Both my mom and brother were controlled by my uncle. I gave up trying to stop telling her to go as she would get angry. What happened was my mom wound up in ER with delirium, afib, heart failure, blood clots in both legs and her lungs. Multiple hospitalizations. Cognitive decline got much worse. I told my brother, "I warned you and you didn't listen" now he regrets it. Uncle is now healthier than her, he still expects her to go out to his house despite this. He never even sent a card or flowers. He just calls my brother for the gossip on her condition. Before my Mom got involved with him she was healthy as a horse, had an active happy social life. She decided to get taken down by her brother. A sad and tragic story which I don't think I will ever forgive her for letting him take her last years of her life away. It was her choice. I believe his goal was to destroy her health because he was sick and he wanted her to be like him. Mission accomplished.

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This has to be a cultural thing. I can't imagine feeling that I had to get down on my hands and knees and scrub my brothers floor in my 80s. I am 74 and would not do it now. There is nothing in the Bible about honoring your siblings.

Your brothers POA is not there to control Mom. Its a tool to help her when she can no longer do for herself. Basically, making sure her bills are paid and she is getting the care she needs. Its not guardianship. That can only be gotten when there is proof the person can no longer make informed decisions. There is a court case and a Judge who reviews all the proof and signs off. Once your a guardian, you are responsible to the State to keep good records and you must prove that all Moms moneybis being used for her care.

Of course Uncle has stopped calling. He lost his slave. Now Mom should not live alone. Maybe once her health gets under control and she is away from the stress she will be better. You brother was as abusive as the Uncle. Making her go there when she said she was sick. If she can still make decisions, she needs to revoke his POA and assign someone else.

My Aunt was Italian, her parents immigrants. The sons were revered. But neither my Aunt or her sisters would have scrubbed floors for their brothers. Maybe that is why they did not marry Italians.
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marcie88 Mar 11, 2024
Yes it is a cultural thing as well, My Mom is Greek, her parents were immigrants as well. My Mom has been stuck in a 1950s mentality, she never broke out of that. She has always catered to her brother as my Dad was sick with cancer when I was very young, he gave some money to help my Mom and she feels because of that she owes him forever. Her brother is highly manipulative, i cut ties with him long ago because of his control and abusive comments to me. I don't have anything to do with his family. My brother keeps in touch with them and looks for their approval and friendship still. I'm hoping my Mom does improve, but in no way will she ever be independent like she was before this happened.
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Marcie, we all know that this shouldn’t have happened, but it did. It’s too late to change the past.

Do you have any suggestions about stopping it happening to people from now on?
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This is so sad .
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Editing your question is not that important Marcie. The smart ones here had it already figured out that it's your Mom.

Sometimes, the Admins will notice and correct it.

It is what brought me over to read in the first place. Sorry that I did not have an answer for you. Yours is a complex and tragic story.

Hope your Mom can be protected in the future.

Just a FYI:
You can edit your post up to 30 min. after posting it.

If you still want it edited, contact the Admins through the bottom of each page.
Scroll down, click "About Aging Care", find the "Contact Us" form.
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"My now 89 year old man got sick after years of caring & abuse from her brother."

Is this correct?
My 89 year old MOM got sick
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marcie88 Mar 9, 2024
how do i edit the question?
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Why don't you curse your uncle out? Your brother is as sick as he is because he keeps taking her to her brother house. Block the brothers number from your mother phone and report this situation to APS as it is elder abuse. Your mother may agree that you are right but if she is still talking to that worthless POS she calls a brother then she is going to get sucked back into talking to him and doing for him. He is an abuser and your older brother is a fool and that fool is helping to hurt your mother. Your brother should also be cutting ties with this sicko. What a sad story that this disgusting 95 year old pig is allowed to continue abusing your mother and no one says or does anything to stop him.
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marcie88 Mar 9, 2024
She stopped talking to him. I said my Mom can't talk on the phone since she's so sick, my brother told him this so he stopped calling. My older brother is a fool, he gained nothing by following my uncle's orders. No money, nothing. My brother always looking for friendship from my cousins, they never gave it when he was a kid, they are not giving it now or ever.
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You say your mother has cognitive decline?
Who is her POA?
Who is her guardian?
Was APS called on this situation, could I ask.

If your mother was helpless due to dementia then this cannot be considered her fault.
If however, she was lucid and in charge of her own life, and chose to obey an abusive brother, then it was her choice.

Not knowing more details we can but guess.

I do hope, now she is very ill and having cognitive decline, that she is in care and protected from an abusive family. I hope that when she is gone and no longer needs you that you will drop this family like hot potatoes.
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marcie88 Mar 9, 2024
My brother has POA and was her guardian since she wouldnt listen to me, APS was never called. My Mom was lucid and mentally well when she made the choice in 2020 to care for her brother. I begged her not to and explained his sons and their family are trying to use her. She didn't listen. My brother kept siding with them and driving her out there to take care of him. When my Mom would come back home, she would spend 5 hours on the phone with her brother, this led to cognitive decline. The last straw was the day she developed a dvt in her leg, she told my brother she was in pain and wanted to go to ER, he refused and demanded she go to her brother's house. I then wound up taking her to the ER myself when she came back home. Another time, shortly after this her heart rate was 140, my brother took her again to her brother's house and was questioned by his son if my mom has memory problems. The next day she spoke to my uncle for 5 hours on the phone and had shortness of breath after and was rushed to the ER with afib diagnosis, later heart failure. Since then she developed blood clots in her other leg and lungs.... I've been visiting and helping her, she finally realizes I was right and she made a mistake.
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