My parents agreed to pay me for being live-in caregiver. Advised not to inform siblings. Can greedy siblings sue me for any reason?

First, there should be a written agreement between you & your parents for the caregiving pay & all that is included such as free room & board, groceries, etc. If for no other reason If they need Medicaid in the future this is proof they weren’t gifting you money. You are supposed to pay tax on the money you earn. Your inheritance comes from whatever is stipulated in the will, and what they give you now can not change that.

renoir, if you don't have an employment contract with your parents, time to create one. See the link below for a sample.

https://www.agingcare.com/documents/personal_care_agreement_AgingCare.pdf

Such a contract will help answer any questions your sibling might ask, especially if down the road your parents need to go into a nursing home and have Medicaid [which is different from Medicare] pay for room/board and care. I would also suggest keeping a daily appt binder writing down everything you do during the day regarding your parents.

The contract will help answer the question regarding payroll taxes. Either your parents pay the payroll taxes or you can pay them yourself being you are now self-employed. Or there are payroll companies that can handle this.

Whatever you are getting paid, it isn't enough for being on call 24 hours a day. Your siblings sound like they have zero idea of all the things you are doing to help your parents. That appt binder will come in handy for such questions.

I am in Canada, so keep that in mind.

Your parents should have a properly worded caregiver contract prepared by a lawyer that states how much you will be paid and what your duties are. If you are using your car for appointments, you will need an agreed upon rate for mileage. I am sure the IRS has a prescribed rate you can use. Then you should be paid hourly for the work you do or it could be weekly, but you must have it properly documented.

As far as it being taxable income, in Canada it would be. Income over $12,000 is taxable. If you earn less than $12,000, you are still required to file your taxes, even if you do not own anything.

The lawyer can help you get advice one how and when to remit taxes and if there are any federal or state with holdings that need to be made.

Another reason for the care giver contract is Medicaid look back. If they think your parents have been gifting you funds, how would you prove otherwise, it will impact their ability to access Medicaid benefits if needed.

Lastly, if your siblings are already looking to make trouble, then you need to document everything. Keep track of your vehicle mileage, fuel and other expenses, start by writing the odometer reading on your receipt each time you get fuel. Then each time you drive anywhere have a log book in the car and record the beginning and ending mileage as well as where you went, who you were with and how many hours the trip was. Keep every receipt and record each expense.

I know this is one more job for you when your hands are full of looking after your parents, but filing your taxes is an legal obligation, keeping good records will benefit your parents if they need Medicaid and it will protect your interests as far as your siblings are concerned.

if you are a paid caregiver, you do need to report the income to the IRS. You may not earn enough TAXABLE income & have to pay taxes on it but you do have to report the income to the IRS otherwise yes your sibling can make your life hell.

You need to have everything in writing. If you are truly concerned about your siblings, have a caregiver agreement drawn up by an attorney. An attorney may not be necessary, you could always draw it up yourself and then have it notorized. But bottom line—get it all in writing, everything, everything your parents are paying you for, the date it begins, how much they are paying.
document it all! Don’t commingle your money either. Use your own bank account. If you’ll be taking over their finances then again, document everything! Save all receipts.

You don’t have to disclose anything to your siblings. Sometimes transparency is best but if you know your siblings will have a problem with this, it might be better to keep them out of the loop. Or it might be better to tell them.

anyone can sue anyone in this country. Yes they can try to sue you but that doesn’t mean they will prevail. If your parents have a will or a trust that was drawn up by an attorney, there may even be a clause that says anyone who challenges the will or trust will be disinherited/treated as if they died before the will/trust was created. So if your siblings try to go after your inheritance, they might end up with nothing.

DO NOT BECOME A PAID CAREGIVER FOR YOUR OWN PARENTS.

Im telling you from experience, I am a health care professional and as such everyone looks to me as the de-facto caregiver for my parents...it's horrible...it's like being oncall 24/7 ...it's like my work never ends.

When caregiving for patients who are strangers, you have work hours, you have off-time and you have vacation...but with your own parents' you NEVER get off-time...and the more time you give...the more time they demand.

HIRE a caregiver.
If I could afford to, thats' what I would do.

Please have a contract drawn up by an elder law attorney. Sorry to add more work for you, but at least consult the attorney to protect your future rights. Verbal stuff means nothing, & I wouldn't want you to be accused of anything later on.💟

Renoir, you could be charged criminally if not done correctly. No reason for your siblings to know, think of it as a business relationship between your folks and you. As such, do it legally. See an elder law attorney to draft a caregiver agreement. Your folks become your employer, and need to get employer identification number. As your employer, withholding taxes, worker's comp, social security and such. Yes it sounds like a hassle, but will protect you and the folks in the long run. If your folks want you as their caregiver, they will be happy to do this for you.

My craziness started when APS showed up at mom's door. Sibs had requested an investigation for financial exploitation. Of course there was none and APS closed the case within a few months. That was the start of attorney involvement, I needed one as sibs were determined there was some sort of exploitation occurring. Court eventually ordered that I be paid and received some back pay as well. It was a long drawn out full two year process. Another reason to get that care agreement in place. No questions can be asked that are not documented.

Do not accept under the table cash, it could be tracked if Medicaid is ever needed for parents care. Who is POA for each of your folks? Get those done or updated.

You are the 24/7 caregiver. I suggest they are not signing up for that job and nor would they want to pay for what the care costs in ALF? You DO NEED however to get this payment straight. You need to see an elder law attorney with your parents and draw up a very simple contract of what you do, what you get paid, what the stipends are to pay for their personal products, their food and etc. This is the'n the document you keep and you keep track of all your expenses in file folder each month. You will be putting out a lot of your own money if you are honest; you will be surprised how it adds up. You should also keep a daily diary, simple short statements in composition (bound) notebook out of which no pages are torn and which is done in ink without erasures. This is what you would take with you to court or Lawyer's office to show what you have done. When the judge gets a look at all you have done then your greedy siblings are DONE WITH. But get it in writing and keep it in writing and start NOW. Your parents are also spending down their money. You need to know from and elder law attorney how to do this so that your care and their costs are not seen as gifting should their funds run out and should you need to apply for medicaid. Good luck.

I would set up a "formal" contract detailing what you are to do as an "employee".
Also set up tax withdrawal and if possible add Workers comp to insurance.
You should also hire another caregiver to work hours that you don't. And you NEED to take time off.
If the taxes are not taken out you will need to report the full amount that is paid and you will have to pay taxes on it. Probably a lot easier to have taxes take out each month.
To determine how much you should get paid check with a few agencies in your area and ask what they charge for 8 hours also ask how they do a 24/7 care and what the cost of that is.

As you have already found out, siblings will not help with mom. They EXPECT you to do it all forever for free. Getting a contract in writing, reporting to IRS, stipulate what your job duties are, and that you do have the option to place parents in AL if their needs become more than you can do physically or medically. Who has medical/financial poas? Are your parents mentally stable enough to grant it to you? Do they have a DNR or other wishes concerning care in place? You need to realize that siblings look at the small amount of money you are paid as THEIR money and their inheritance, it's not, it's your parent's for their care. Document everything, down to the last box of tissues. My issue is with the spawns of satan, 2 sil, who look at MIL funds as theirs. Ummm nope its MIL funds. They have the mind set that cuz MIL moved in with us she doesn't use that much so shouldn't have to pay. How soon they ignore water bill goes up 25 a month between extra showers and 3 extr loads of laundry a day, electric bill up 50 a month because of her O2 machine and too hot or too cold so air on or heat on, gas bill up 30 a month cooking 3 meals a day, wants it warmer in house, cable bill up 25 a month so she can watch tv in her sitting room or bedroom when she doesn't feel like being downstairs. Add in all the other items you purchase, poise pads, mouth wash, toothpaste, deodorant, specialty food items, shower bench, new wash cloths, towels, sheets,room size area rugs so they don't trash your hardwood floors and they don't particularly care for them, rather have a carpet. Cleaning and disinfecting supplies, LOTS of toilet paper, napkins, an Kleenex. Trash bags for disposing of wipes and poise pads a couple times a day and all those Kleenex tissues in the can that have not been stuffed in your couch and chair cushions. Don't forget about the mileage and wear and tear on your vehicle for all the doctor's appointments or other needed errands. Bet you're operating at a negative income. If you live in their home sibs will look at it as free rent for you, um no. A live in companion fets a hefty fee, room and board, plus time off! Look at what you do for them and add up your expenses to care for them, may surprise you. Siblings are greedy and will remain so. I actually had a SIL come to "visit " mom a couple of weeks after we got MIL settled into our home. MIL has a bedroom, a sitting room with her couch and loveseat, private bath, plus full access to kitchen, dining, and our living room. Her sitting room was set up for when she wanted/needed her own space. SIL proceeds to question MIL about antique furniture we placed in her rooms of mine. She attempted to get each piece down to the comforter set on MIL bed. When she found out it was NOT up for grabs she was pissy and stated oh, so that's yours, um yeah that's what I said 4 different times, no I did not buy it for mom, no it was not in her house, no l did not give it to mom, what am I going to do with it when she no longer needs it? Put it back where it belongs, oh so it's yours 🤦‍♀️They have the what's in it for me and how much more can I get than everyone else attitude. Really pisses me off. How about paying just as much attention to your mom as you do material things, oh ya nothing in it for you....

From experience, your siblings will never appreciate you or give you any thanks. This will split your your family apart. Document everything. Don’t even try to discuss this with them. They don’t care what you are doing; just about the money,
Been there, still there. Sorry to be so harsh.

I'm not a live-in caretaker, but my mom and I opened a joint account a while back, it's purpose being for me to write checks to pay bills regarding closing up the house, mom's care, etc...

This might not help you but I do like having that stuff in one separate account. Fyi I have one sibling who has helped in no way whatsoever, but shows up after years of no contact, and then hovers around doing things like asking for an 'advance' on her 'inheritance'!?!?!! I dread what she's going to do after mom passes.

Wishing you the best in this situation!

Also make sure to document any nice pieces of furniture, art, etc. you have brought with you or purchased. If you don't they will attempt to claim it from you when it's time. Save receipts, put into a covered plastic container, also at end of the year scan them so you have more than 1 copy available so no one "accidentally" disposes of them on you. I tend to do it by the month and include copies of credit card and bank statements so expenditures for their care can be matched up by date and store, place by month in envelope, can rubberband 1 years worth of envelopes for storage and access quickly if questions arise. Are their wills and executor in place? May want to make sure and update if needed.(assuming that they are mentally capable of doing so)

Lots of great advice, renoir, so I won't repeat it. Just encouragement and support for you to protect yourself, not just legally and financially (with the contract and being paid) but emotionally too (with documenting everything).

The thought of implementing everything people have advised you is daunting. But, once you have the contract, all the government goo (reporting income and so on) set up, and a method of documentation of your services and expenses (and keeping ALL receipts!) in place, the energy and time to keep it all going will lighten dramatically. Soon, it'll be a routine that can take little time and energy.

When I was Mom's live-in caregiver I documented and had receipts for everything. After Mom passed away, Twisted Sisters accused me of helping myself to Mom's money. Twisted Sister 2 went through my documentation (on advice from Mom's lawyer). This inspection I secretly recorded, including TS2 telling TS1 that everything was on the "up and up". Of course being narcissistic, they got back at me when TS1, with help from TS2, as Mom's executor and they held back a chunk of Mom's inheritance money.

Oh, one other thing in getting all these affairs in order: decide how you're going to copy, or back up, all these documents. If there's a fire or a theft, how will you prove all these?

Ideas:
- If you have a computer or tablet, back up your computer into a hard drive or an electronic "cloud".
- Store any external hard drive in a very safe, fireproof place.
- When Mom passed away, Twisted Sister 1 became executor, who was mentally off the deep end. I continued to be on the "up-and-up" to the very end and turned over ALL paperwork and a CD of all electronic papers to her. I'm talking a large plastic bin of papers. Rather than take five months of life scanning them, within a couple hours, I photographed all the receipts with my phone, then downloaded them into the external hard drive and my computer.
- If you use paper only (like a spiral notebook and paper receipts) and don't have a camera phone, you can go to the library to scan them into a thumb drive for safe keeping.

I missed it if someone already posted this, but my suggestion is to not only note the tasks performed and money expended on behalf of your parents, but to also note down the time it takes. My brothers thought it wasn't a big deal at first the things I did for my mother, but when they were in town they started getting an idea of how longggg it took to do everything.

When you say your parents have agreed to pay you this (presumably nominal) caregiver's allowance, so to speak, have they put that in writing? Get a caregiver's contract put together, signed and sealed, for the benefit of all concerned - you, your parents, Medicaid, and anybody else entitled to take an interest in how your parents' money has been spent.

As for your siblings - tell the truth and shame the devil, isn't that what they say? The payments *will* come to light. If you're looking for the mother of all arguments, keeping quiet about your agreement with your parents is the right way to find it. You have nothing to hide, so why worry?

Worried in Cal is correct.

Anyone can sue, but can they win?

To protect yourself, you should hire a lawyer specializing in elder care issues. Or have your mother do so. Better to do so now than after the fact.

If your parents have a joint checking account they should take turns signing the checks issued to you. Just to show the siblings they were both aware of the money you were getting from them. Parents are always accused of giving more to one than another, favoring one over the other and so on... Usually it's true for good reason. If you knew how many siblings are SO MAD that one child received the bulk of their parents money/property but, if that's the way they want it and you can take it in good conscience it's legal. You may have to pay taxes on the money and if that's the law, you should. Check with an account (no specialist) about that. I know I wouldn't complain!

Im still boggled about "don't tell the siblings" ? We all know they find out somehow... and one is a tax accountant?

Get a lawyer to review. Document everything. Have everything prepared as if you are going to war. If nothing happens, you're safe. If it does, you are covered. For whatever reason, people go crazy thinking they are being "cheated" once death occurs. No matter how innocent or loving your situation is, be preventative now, rather than later. The more documentation you have indicating your parents wishes, the easier it will also be for others to accept the decision made by them. Go the extra mile, it could save you in many different ways: respect, sleep, peace of mind, etc...

I posted last week about my issues with my MIL. My husband & I have been live-in care givers for MIL and BIL who is blind and has autism. Because we have lived here taking care my MIL is now 92. We moved in when she was extremely I'll knowing she would pass within a year. 12.5 years later we are still here. SIL 1 is sick. SIL 2 is a narcissist who has no idea what we go thru on a daily basis.
12.5 years ago they were a "close" family so the family decision was we don't need anything in writing we all love & trust each other. Well, they aren't close at all. In fact, they all don't even remember the numerous family conversations we had before we moved in and why we were doing it which was for BIL.

Please do not make the same mistake we did.
I have many regrets in the past 12.5 years but not getting anything in writing is the biggest one.

And, if I can give you another piece of advice; my 2nd regret is putting my life on hold. It's been over a decade and I have major burnout, anxiety, depression, fibromyalgia, anger and resentment. I no longer recognize myself. Right or wrong that is the space I'm in. So, again get everything in writing and make sure it is a legal document.

Oh and don't let anyone here or anywhere else make you feel bad. What you are doing for your mom the majority of people would never do.

Kind thoughts,
Kim

Not telling the “greedy“ siblings will come back to bite you. If your parents want to pay you this needs to be in great detail in the trust. If it is not... and you take money ... it will come back to haunt you when your paying it back some day in court. Seen this happen once with a co worker. Who ever is the caregiving generally has to do accountings.
Best of luck!

I DOUBT IT! 😱

I do know of someone who was sued because she was caring for her mom 24/7 but they were not taking any pay directly. She used her mother's money to pay for round the clock caregivers six times a year to fly to the opposite coast where she was building a home. The sibling saw her taking mom's money for her own gain while paying the round the clock caregivers , so she could build the lavish house.
The lawsuit went on forever but they finally settled out. There is no telling what siblings may do, so I would consult with an attorney to make sure you are protected. If you buy supplies for your parents, keep all the receipts as well so the siblings can't accuse you of taking that money.

Welcome to the wonderful factor of siblings. Aren't they great. The first thing, contact a couple care agencies in whatever state or city you are in and get written quotes for 24/7 work for two. Or the cost of assisted living facility for two. Send the quotes out to your siblings and tell them "This is what it would cost if we hired outside help, or they moved into a facility.." Be open and honest on this one. A big factor is your parents health condition. If they truly are in need of help you have a pretty good case. If they don't have dementia and are in fair health it will look like you are taking advantage of the situation. So you have to constantly justify to your siblings your value, and again keep good records. Maybe send a monthly report to them.

Do your parents make out a check to you, or do you access their account? Try to get a written notarized agreement from your parents, include everything like your food and board.
The most important thing is to start a daily record of your work, what you actually do for them. Keep copies of their medical records. Take frequent short videos of them and you with them. much of this depends on their condition. Do they still drive? Fix their own meals? Clean the house? Potential falls? What are their needs? What actually you do for them. If they are cognizant, again, have them agree to a written contract. Pose to your siblings that you are doing this for your love of your parents, but you need to live too. Ask them what they think is a fair compensation.
Try to find a neutral third party to be the communicator. This could be a counselor, a nurse, attorney, a pastor, or a family friend who has know your parents a long time.
You are in a position of damned if you do, damned if you don't. The siblings don't understand what you are sacrificing. Invite them to come and share in your work, relieve you say one or two days a week.
Paying taxes is an area that is grey and can differ from state to state. Most likely you will have to pay some taxes.
Good luck on this one, its a common problem. Openness and honesty are the best policy.

See an eldercare attorney and draw up a caregiver's contract so your parents will be your employer. With this contract, your siblings cannot sue you. You will have to pay taxes whether it be one lump sum for lifetime care OR monthly payment--see a tax specialist to set up a "corporate tax" naming you are the corporation so you get more tax breaks. Make certain you are made Power of Attorney (POA); if your parents are still with it they can name you as POA. Your eldercare attorney can also do a "lady bird quick deed" so when your folks die the house automatically goes to you without probate. You should also be added to your folk's bank account. Do all of this before your folks deteriorate; otherwise if they are not "with it" it will require a Court order to name a legal guardian and that's a mess.

I was sued by 2 of my five siblings. Send me a personal message and I will help you through this time. (I completely won all the lawsuits and they filed more than one). I am so happy I chose not to settle!!

Like you, I also saw the legal trouble coming because the two began trying to organize and align even distant family against me while my mother was still alive.

None of them helped me with my parents’ care. I took no pay, but did have help from hired CNAs- what amazing angels! (They will forevermore be my new siblings!). If you are caretaking 24/7, make sure to hire some help and give yourself breaks. You will need it.

The long and short answer is, yes, siblings will sue (and can sue) for any reason. There is nothing you can do to prevent a lawsuit, only things that you can do to protect yourself now in the event that you are sued in the future.

Keep pristine records. I know this is tough while caretaking. I wish I would have kept better records. I had to pay expert accountants to organize everything but it would have been worth the time to keep a notebook in my car console and record notes after each and every transaction. I had to do this after the fact and had a sleepless weekend over one big transaction that I couldn’t remember (on Monday, when the bank was open it was easily solved).

if your parent(s) are able to sign a contract, hire a lawyer to prepare an employment agreement for your parent(s)’ signature. If you have any supportive siblings, have them sign also.

Make sure your pay it is equal to or less than the local standard pay. Research and retain records “real time” which capture that information. (If your parents want to pay you more than the going rate, refuse).

Hire a payroll company to pay you, withhold, etc. This will be worth the small added cost. Never take any payment in cash.

Keep all funds completely separate. Do not pay for things with your credit card and then reimburse yourself with your parents’ check. Drive back home to get their checkbook instead. (It’s even better to have a different sibling handle the banking, if you have a good sibling).

File away notes, emails and threats from your siblings. (I had some “great ones!” — Extremely painful at the time, but absolutely wonderful in the legal proceedings.

If they scream at you, record them with your phone. They will deny what they said later.

You will be okay. Protect yourself and your parents! Do not let them bully you! You can do this!

Do contact acaringdaughter, you are perfectly entitled to be paid, not just your parents wanting to do something for you, but good idea to get the right paperwork now.

Lot of good warnings in the answers below. Essentially you have to sit down with an elder lawyer and review all documents that have been down up. You need to be power of attorney POA, and have health directive authority. You need an employment contract with your parents. YOU need to decide if this is agreement is best for YOU.