Follow
Share

I did deposit the money in his account . She was also offered to purchase them but went silent . I became power of attorney and enduring power of attorney in January of 2024. She wants her lawyer to get details of a line of credit my dad took out in 2018. She is claiming it was to buy my daughter a Home. This is not true and even if it was , he was not in a nursing home in 2018 and I wasn’t power of attorney . She wants proof that my attorney duties were enacted. Of course they were as how does she think I have been paying for his nursing hime care and handling his financial affairs. . The bottom line is she is desperately trying to find out what is in his bank account . It is my understanding that I am to keep this confidential . If I were to pass away my brother gets the power of attorney and enduring power . If he passes away it goes to the lawyer, She is not listed at all. She is a beneficiary whe he passes and then the funds in the estate are split three ways . I keep record of every penny spent . My question also is what kind of lawyer would entertain this demand to me . I was given a deadline to produce the documents but I am not answering or sending her laywer anything, Thoughts anyone ?
the bottom

Ignore it. The lawyer is for intimidation.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Sha1911
Report

Your sister Is Bullying You . Do Not feed into her drama . Pretend she doesnt exist and Block her Number . people Like this are Toxic and You dont need this Toxicity in Your Life . It is hard enough to be a caregiver never Mind dealing with Idiots .
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to KNance72
Report
Anna1234 May 15, 2024
Very true. I have blocked her since December .
(3)
Report
Tell her to F..K Off . My Sister Pulled the same stunts because she wanted to be POA and Grab all the Money she could could get . Ignore her .
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to KNance72
Report
Anna1234 May 15, 2024
Thank you for your response. Not telling her anything.
(2)
Report
Honestly, lawyers can be great or they can be a waste of time/money.

Your sister is not going to get any attorney to handle this--b/c what you are doing is RIGHT and she's mad? You can sue someone for basically nothing--but you'll probably lose and end up paying the lawyer AND court fees and sometimes "waste of time" fees, if the judge (should it get that far) finds that this is simply sibling squabbling.

I remember my son's first case in front of a judge. I asked him how it went and he said "Boring, and my client not just lost, he got deported, too". However, my son had been paid upfront and told his client shouldn't go ahead with this lawsuit..but still chose to.

Lawyers are not that scary.( And honestly? Most never see the inside of a courtroom. )

I am sorry your sister is being a jerk. Just go grey rock with her, keep you own good records and don't tell her anything.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Midkid58
Report

She probably has something like “prepaid legal” where she gets 3 letters written a month for like $50. Ignore.

Google her lawyer’s name + prepaid legal
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Southernwaver
Report
AlvaDeer May 15, 2024
She hasn't said she even got a letter. Just that the sister is saying she is hiring an attorney and she wants to know the answers to this.
I think she has no attorney because an attorney would know better than to think he has any right to ask details of anything regarding mom's finances from her POA. He wouldn't ask such a think. He could threaten to go to court and ask the judge (the only one with a right to question and ask for proof). LET them. Let her pay for it. This OP is protected and her POA pays for her court costs. Sissy has no such protection. She is going to be paying between 350 and 700 an hour to some greedy attorney. Aint gonna happen. She has been already closed out by this family. It is clear she is angry and jealous. She should not be talked to .
If our OP, Anna, is worried she should hire an elder law attorney to reassure her that she is immune from these idle threats, because the POA DOES PAY FOR HER.
A good and decent attorney would likely answer her on the phone for such a call if she calls the office and says "I am my mom's POA and my sister who has been astranged is questioning my POA and threatening to take me to court; can she". I think she would be very reassured if she just checks this out for herself.
(1)
Report
See 1 more reply
OP, your POA pays for expert legal advice. If it makes you feel better see an elder law attorney. But the truth is that no attorney, in my humble opinion will write you to ask you ANYTHING because it is ILLEGAL to attempt to find out the private affairs of someone elses finances and you as POA are in charge, and have a financial fiduciary duty not to discuss your principals private finances with ANYONE OTHER THAN A JUDGE. So tell Sissy that you will come to court with your proof when a court summons you and you will tell a JUDGE anything he wishes to ask and show him any documents he wishes to see but that SHE AND HER ATTORNEY have ZERO RIGHTS TO THAT INFO.
You might want to add that you will be soon getting a stay away order for harassment, and you may want to consider seeing an attorney to do just that.
You are being harassed. DO NOT SPEAK WITH HER. You answer to APS and the Courts of your state. NOT to her and NOT TO HER ATTORNEY.
Google your state + POA + rights to question POA.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to AlvaDeer
Report

No need to prove anything before your POA took effect. If there was "gifting" within the 5 year look back, Medicaid (if Dad is on it) would have questioned it. Yes, so what if Dad bought ur daughter a home. He can spend his money the he wants.

You are not obligated to tell her anything. Your correct that Dads info is confidential. I think u need to consult a lawyer. Sure u can use Dads money to do this. Ur lawyer can send a letter to her lawyer saying that information will not be forth coming because the sister, not being POA, is not privleged to that info. That your POA went into effect ? and any money your Dad spent before that has nothing to do with your POA. That you do not have to supply those bank records. The info at this time, is not privy his client. Sister is not entitled to bank records either. You are his representive.

Send them nothing. The lawyer is fishing. He knows that your sister has no leg to stand on. He is just taking her money. You do need a lawyer to answer, IMO.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report
AlvaDeer May 15, 2024
I so agree.
Stop discussing ANYTHING with her.
Tell her you will see her and her attorney in court when you are called to testify.
Tell her meanwhile she is too annoying for you to have to deal with while you are doing the heavy lifting. HANG UP the phone. That's what is done with annoying people.
She is making idle threats.
If she wants to hire an attorney let her pay the big bucks and tell her best of luck. NO ATTORNEY should be asking you to discuss your father's affairs. Tell him that as POA you are not at liberty to discuss your principal's private financial affairs, and that you will gladly bring your files into court should a court so summon you.
THEN get an attorney. And your POA pays for that, by the way.
(0)
Report
Your sibling cannot question YOU.
What your sibling CAN DO is to hold you accountable to the court. It will cost her, but she can see an attorney and challenge your POA by saying you are engaging in elder abuse. She can also call APS and ask them to open a case challenging your POA duties and your record keeping.

SO now we come to the questions; A checkthrough, as you seem to indicate you ARE aware and you ARE keeping records. So just a check:
Do you understand how to do POA? Do you know that you cannot sell any of his possessions for less than TRUE MARKET VALUE?
Do you understand that you must have a file for every account, for every bill, for all receipts of payments? Have you seen the bank and registered on the account as POA, (not as an account owner)? Do you know how to sign checks as the POA?
Do you understand that as POA you can attend an elder law attorney on Dad's dime to learn how to do all these things; that your POA pays for expert advice?
Do you understand that as a POA you are held to the HIGHEST LEGAL STANDARD to do things the right thing and that the response "I didn't know that...." can land you in jail with a charge of elder abuse?

You are currently serving as a POA with a sibling at war after you.
This is a terrible position to be in.
You need to see an elder law attorney today about how you are carrying out your duties.

You are absolutely correct that you should NOT SHARE ANY FURTHER information with your sister. (or with anyone else)
She has no right to it, and in fact as POA you are to keep your father's finances and his decisions PRIVATE sharing them with NO ONE but APS and attorney.

IF your sister pursues calling you before a court you will need to bring all documents, files, records, to court with you and prove you are acting correctly as POA.

See an elder law attorney right away. You say you have the records. Start a diary also. No markouts, just mark through for mistakes, in ink, in a composition book with no tear outs. You have a troubled sister and if she wants to spend money on an attorney she can cause any amount of grief for you. I hope this attorney your sib-at-war hired costs her 700.00 an hour.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to AlvaDeer
Report
Anna1234 May 15, 2024
Yes I sold the vehicles for market value. One was actually for more than market value.the cheques were put immediately into my dad’s account.
yes I sign cheques with POA after my signature.. I pay all my dad’s utility bills, his meds, his care at the nursery home .
I am registered at his bank as power of attorney and enduring power .
I keep immaculate records of every dime , going in and going out. I will be selling his house too as it makes no sense to keep a house that’s costing him money for utilities and taxes. He won’t be coming home. This money will be deposited in his account. I am also is personal directive for all his medical needs and decisions.
The elder abuse is from her to him in his nursing home. Telling him lies and upsetting him .
i do not talk to my sister at all. I have blocked her since December when she wanted to put me in jail for opening his dresser drawers to bring chis clothes to the hospital after his fall. She’s not right in the head to say the least .
(0)
Report
You will need to ignore her. Her attorney wrote you a letter demanding to see proof of this and that. And if you don't... then what? I don't think a judge would agree with the pointless demand based on heresay. She still has to pay the attorney. Maybe have your attorney send them a letter back. That will shut them up.

You wrote that she clearly has mental problems. If so, you can't do anything about it. Save your emotional and mental and physical energy for reality and your responsibilities, not trying to appease a bully with self-serving motives.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to Geaton777
Report

A lawyer can write you a letter asking you to produce documents. So can the guy next door – and it doesn’t mean that you have to oblige either of them. You can simply ignore it if you wish. Or you can answer, say that you understand your obligation is to maintain privacy, and that you will do so unless you receive a court order to provide information. Lawyers do what they are asked – like defending murderers – as long as they go by the professional rules. We don’t want lawyers to act like they are the judge and jury themselves.

My other comment is that my sisters and I have always shared all the information like this. I’ve never seen the need to keep it secret. It makes life a lot simpler if people know the facts and trust each other. Secrecy makes people suspicious. But your sister may not be ‘trustworthy’, perhaps.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to MargaretMcKen
Report
Anna1234 May 14, 2024
my sister has clearly mental problems and we are dealing with that as best as we can. She has done absolutely nothing to assist us in care of our dad. .
she has only accused us constantly until we finally had to block,her. On her occasional visit to our dad, she has verbally elder abused him . He has early dementia and she has told him that we stole his cars and stole 70,000 dollars out of his account. My dad lives off his pension only . If I didn’t have my husbands support as well as my brother I don’t know how I would cope. My entire family is under stress. Her family won’t get her help.
(2)
Report
See 2 more replies
A deadline to produce documents or what? I would think a formal case or complaint of some kind would need to be initiated first in front of a judge or other magistrate type of setting? I'm not an attorney, but it would seem odd if anyone's lawyer could just demand information without some kind of a formal proceeding??

Do you have your own lawyer for yourself and your own family? I'd certainly run it by him or her but I could also see not wanting to shell out several hundred dollars to be told ignore it.

If you know your records will show no malfeasance the best you can do is let her spin her wheels. Sorry you have to deal with this on top of managing your dad's affairs.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to casole
Report

Thank you . This is the very least of what my sister has done. I could wrote a book She sent me a text nine years ago telling me I would be executor over her dead body . She said she would do everything in her power to stop me every step of the way. Now sadly it’s a reality
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Anna1234
Report
NeedHelpWithMom May 14, 2024
Wow! I am so sorry. She certainly isn’t thinking about your dad either.

I am sure that this situation is causing your father distress. Neither you or your dad should have to be dealing with this situation.

Looks like your sister is carrying out her threat. What in the world is she hoping to accomplish by doing this? Other than wreaking havoc in your lives?

Bullies are generally very insecure people who are miserable.
(0)
Report
See 2 more replies
Oh my gosh, your sister sounds like quite a pot stirrer. I’m sorry that there is friction between you and your sister.

I remember years ago when those of us who had siblings were venting our frustrations, there was a poster who would occasionally say that after hearing our stories, he felt lucky to be an only child. 😝

There are pros and cons to all situations. Unfortunately, you are experiencing the crappy side of things at the moment.

I am sorry that you are experiencing such drama. Has she always caused a scene in your family? Or is this behavior out of character for your sister?

If any kind of investigation is done and everything is in order, the case will be resolved soon.

Wishing you all the best.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
Report

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter