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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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Mtkat15: If perchance your husband requires mental caretaking due to the fact that you included "Alzheimer's & Dementia," maybe it's more than one individual (you) can handle.
This won't work for everyone, but maybe your spouse would go for what I did:
My mom (almost 90) has mild dementia, is stubborn and insists on staying at home until she dies. Shortly after she was declared incapacitated by physicians, I suffered burnout and so I hired home help for when I'm not there, without asking her. I told her that while I had made this big decision against her will, ALL SHE HAD TO DO was answer the door and let them in each day and after that, she was in TOTAL charge.
She agreed to that. She probably took pleasure in imagining how she'd yell at them and tell them she didn't need them, that they shouldn't touch her or anything in the house, that her daughter is an awful person, etc, etc. But the agreement appealed to her on some level. I held my breath the first week, let her complain about the plan. But when they started coming over, her ingrained politeness kicked in and she ended up opening the door each day and being (mostly, I assume) nice to them. And now they are nice and helpful to her.
I hope something works for you. It's so hard. Good luck.
You have listed this under Alzheimer's. Therefore we need more information. You say your spouse doesn't need PHYSICAL caretaking. But with a diagnosis of Alzheimer's I am assuming he needs MENTAL care and oversite? Is that correct?
If so, there is of course no option to whether or not to have oversite. He must have it.
You just tell him that this person is coming in to help YOU with some things around the house, so you can get some errands done outside the house. He will then be more comfortable thinking that you're the one needing help and not him, even though you know otherwise.
I agree with the others that the strategy would be to slowly acclimate your husband to this person. Yes, tell him s/he's your friend or that they are there for you, to help you do tasks around the house, clean, food prep, cook, play cards, whatever. Then at some point you can start discretely slipping out of the house while he's distracted or sleeping.
Another option might be to introduce your friend as someone who really needs some peace and quiet to use a desk (that’s if you have one). She could then spend time at your place, without it involving your spouse. Decide if it’s company you want, or just someone there in case of emergency.
Most of us are not comfortable with someone coming into our home whom we perceive to be a stronger.
One way is to introduce someone as your friend and have them spend time with the two of you. Have them do chores with you, cook a meal, visit, watch a program on tv. Then your spouse, depending on his level of disease, will be more comfortable with your helper and you will also have had an opportunity to watch them interact and the helper will have been able to observe the interaction between you and your spouse. A camera is helpful to allow you to determine how he is doing and what you might do to further facilitate their ease in dealing with one another. Perhaps they will work on a puzzle or fold dish towels or walk the dog, rake leaves or shovel snow, not necessarily to complete a job but to have some pleasant exercise.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
My mom (almost 90) has mild dementia, is stubborn and insists on staying at home until she dies. Shortly after she was declared incapacitated by physicians, I suffered burnout and so I hired home help for when I'm not there, without asking her. I told her that while I had made this big decision against her will, ALL SHE HAD TO DO was answer the door and let them in each day and after that, she was in TOTAL charge.
She agreed to that. She probably took pleasure in imagining how she'd yell at them and tell them she didn't need them, that they shouldn't touch her or anything in the house, that her daughter is an awful person, etc, etc. But the agreement appealed to her on some level. I held my breath the first week, let her complain about the plan. But when they started coming over, her ingrained politeness kicked in and she ended up opening the door each day and being (mostly, I assume) nice to them. And now they are nice and helpful to her.
I hope something works for you. It's so hard. Good luck.
Therefore we need more information.
You say your spouse doesn't need PHYSICAL caretaking.
But with a diagnosis of Alzheimer's I am assuming he needs MENTAL care and oversite?
Is that correct?
If so, there is of course no option to whether or not to have oversite. He must have it.
He will then be more comfortable thinking that you're the one needing help and not him, even though you know otherwise.
One way is to introduce someone as your friend and have them spend time with the two of you. Have them do chores with you, cook a meal, visit, watch a program on tv. Then your spouse, depending on his level of disease, will be more comfortable with your helper and you will also have had an opportunity to watch them interact and the helper will have been able to observe the interaction between you and your spouse. A camera is helpful to allow you to determine how he is doing and what you might do to further facilitate their ease in dealing with one another. Perhaps they will work on a puzzle or fold dish towels or walk the dog, rake leaves or shovel snow, not necessarily to complete a job but to have some pleasant exercise.