Have any of you done pre-planned funeral arrangements for family? Did it make it easier in the end?

This is timely for me as my mom is on NH hospice & I am in to deal with all this.

Whatever you do make sure the funeral AND burial is a NCV - No Cash Value policy so that it does not become an asset for Medicaid.

My mom did her pre-need in the 1980's after my dad died. She is now on hospice in a NH and I recently went to the FH just to see what's what. Yeah she has a great pre-need for the funeral with no cost of living adjustment (LOL) as it is a really old policy. If she had done a pre-need after 2001 then the FH could do a price adjustment. So look to see if they can increase the cost based on the federal cost of living adjustment.

Also for us, we have an issue of pallbearers. Everybody on her list #1 has died.....
Everybody on list #2 is either dead or physically unable to be a pallbearer. My mom is mid 90's and outlived everybody in her immediate family and almost all of my parents friends. Now the FH can supply them for a fee of $ 50 a person plus travel, so that is an unanticipated cost and not in the preened. Also the police escort was not included in her pre-need as her cities police department does not allow for this, and that cost (about $ 200 hr) is not in the preneed either. For us this would mean an escort from FH to church & then from church to cemetery. 3 to 4 hours of cop time. Add's up. So you really have to go over the details closely.

Ask about restrictions on floral. Some places require by state law that all floral must come from a certified florist. Other places may allow for immediate family only to bring in florals which must be brought in advance of the viewing - if you can do that, you can order floral from Costco for significantly less than those from the FH book of floral arrangements or an outside florist. But you have to get them to the FH in advance. Also if your family is the type for over the top on floral, then you may have to order a "floral car" to transport all this to the cemetery. Extra cost on that one too.

Also FH may not be the same company or site as the burial site. If that is the case, there may need to be another preneed to be done for the burial site or cemetery. My dad wanted mausoleum burial and they paid for one in the 1980's and before he died. Well the cemetery / burial site at the time my mom did her pre-need with the FH, did NOT do for pre-need for burial. So we will have to pay a vault opening & closing fee, as well as other on site cemetery costs. I don;t know the costs on all that but rumor is about $ 1,500.00. I'm dealing with going to cemetary later on this week and will update a post on that.

Death is expensive even with a pre-need done. I'm actually going to speak with my mom about doing a conversion of the preneed plans to do a viewing at the FH with the tricked out silver mauve casket she picked out and then a cremation with no church or cemetery.

Really if you can get them to do a cremation, it will run under $ 1,000.00 and you can even buy the urns at Costco. Huge butt difference from the 5 - 12 thousand dollars for a traditional FH & burial. Don't put yourself into debt or allow unresolved guilt drive you to do this if you really can't afford it.

How do you get started with the Funeral Home in making pre-arrangements? I am my Grandma's LI Beneficiary and POA. She shared with me her service wishes and I have them written down. My Dad died suddenly a few years ago and planning his funeral was extremely stressful.

id like a sump pump and some worm repellant too..

i sure dont want anyone profitting from my death. id like to be buried green and covered in nothing but a sheet. that is legal in indiana now if the proper permit is obtained. it can be on your own property because complete decomposition doesnt really pose an issue for future owners of the property. maybe under the pear tree. that spindly bastard looks like it could use the nutrients.

On the same topic...has anyone purchased a cremain urn ahead of time?? I was looking at some online, and the prices are very reasonable...then I felt sort of ghoulish doing it, so I stopped short of ordering one...haha! I don't think my mom wants to get "as" involved in planning ahead as I do, so I haven't asked her what color/style she wants hers to be. Has anyone done that, or did you just pick out a "nice one" for them and just sort of let it go?

Great idea of sewing the US Army Crest in the casket. I am sure my husband who is retired Army would love that. And it is so less stressful on the entire family to plan ahead. As I stated mother had done hers. We have our plots but we need to finish up our plans too. And the funerals only get more expensive each day. A prepaid is much less than paying at the time of death. They play mind games and have you spending more money so you will not feel guilty if you done buy the most expensive casket and spend higher on other expenses as well. It is the one of the best things we can leave for our grieving family members.

I lost my father when I was only 23 and had to do it all since my brother were under age at the time and it was a nightmare. I am so glad my mother even picked out her own casket and we have nothing to do but a small service. What a relief it will be when the time comes.

Sunny

When we realized my Dad has only about a month to live, we pre-paid for his funeral arrangements. I felt it was the best thing we could do. We were able to make the selections without the emotion and even had time to have a US Army crest embroidered in the lining of his casket to honor him. I suggest it to everyone I can who is open to this. Some people are so burdened with the emotion that they can't even speak about it.

Yes. It is healthy to do so, when one knows their loved one is soon passing. The stress will be removed a bit, not having to worry about what to do, on top of the emotional pain over the death of a loved one.

Thank you all for your encouraging answers to this timely (for me) question. I do not expect my husband to live much longer, and just this week had called the local funeral home to request a price list and ask a couple of questions. Nothing has been arranged yet, but even having done this much is a little bit of the load lifted. I know I need to go in and choose a casket (the part I dread the most) and discuss other decisions that must be made, and I wish my husband and I had done this years ago when it would have been much easier to feel somewhat detached. At this point I am emotional about everything, after several years of caregiving which has become increasingly heartbreaking and draining, so it would have been easier when we were both well . . . but I'm sure it will still be a little easier to do now rather than wait until he actually passes away. I did purchase two cemetery plots a year ago, and am glad I did that much, and now I appreciate all your input at this particular time. First, I need to discuss some points with our family, and hope we are all in agreement that a simple graveside service will meet our needs the best. By the way, if I go in to discuss options and make decisions, am I expected to also pay in full up front -- or do mortuaries vary on this? If anyone has any more tips to share, I sure will appreciate them! Bless you all!

My step father had a plan, but it was not enough. His son paid $900 more and Mom spent $240 for flowers for the casket. He must have gotton it 20 years ago.
Mom has one and has updated it about 10 years ago. I suspect I will have to pay to take her body 100 miles away to the Cemetary where Dad is. She couldn't
Remember if that was included.

Mom had her arrangements in place. She passed away Tues. 7/30/13. All we had to do was call the Funeral Home and they took over. They would have called her church but the minister was with us when mom passed away.
Amazingly helpful, my husband and I will be talking to the director soon reguarding our plans.

Did this for both of my parents and now my husband. This certainly makes the final goodbye much easier. Also, you don't overspend because you're in an emotional state which some people will take advantage of. Sad, but true.

Yes, I did that w/my parents AND hubby & me & I'm SO glad we did!!!When Dad passed mom & I didn't have to do anything except for some minor things. And when mom passes I won't have to worry about any of that except her obit which I have already written. Of course it was extremelly difficult, but I'm glad I did that too since I already know I won't be in any mental condition to do it when the time comes. And I wanted to honor her while I'm in the right state of mind - it's a pretty long obit but she deserves it...

That is a shame your family will not help with your proper decision of taking care of the problem before it happens. Death and loss of a loved one is never easy but normally most of us are willing to take care of our personal needs by prepaying or having good life insurance. I don't have any idea unless you could present a package deal to your mother and see if she would agree to it if she did not have to face doing it?

I pray she will see how important it is for her to make her plans now while she can. And my heart is with you. If is hard enough being a caregiver but when our parents will not help with decisions such as their funeral, I cannot imagine the stress this puts you under. And it sounds like your entire family is in denial of reality and it will be much more expensive and difficult ifi you don't make plans now. You would think they would not want that burden when the times comes?

My love and prayers are with you that maybe you can help your mother see what must be done while she is still able. And may God give you the peace to accept what you cannot change.

Warm wishes,

Sunny

Gosh some of you are lucky to have had your parents discuss this even plan it themselves.
My mum has had a few scares in recent years BUT still refuses to discuss ANYTHING ive asked her to write it down but no she dosnt want to know.

Lucky I know that she would like to buried either with her own parents or in her hometown village but I must admit my family do not want to discuss this either if my mum died tom we would have no money to bury her and ive brought this up with them on many occassions but they dont want to think about it!

I'm going through this right now. I know my mom wants to be cremated and have her urn buried in her mother's burial plot, so that much has been decided. With some of the recent scares we have had (her blood sugars have plummeted without warning to 29 and 22 within the past 2 weeks) I am tempted to contact a funeral home near her nursing home and ask about prearrangement. Let's face it - we all know what is coming down the road, so in my mind there is no need to wait until the time comes to made decisions that will be clouded by emotion. I guess that's just the realist in me though...I'd rather be prepared ahead of time.

My 91 year old mother has her funeral prepaid and I cannot tell you what of relief it is. When you try to make those decisions with your emotions at the time of our loved ones death, we way overpay. They try to shove the guilt trip of which casket is sealed and best and the same with vaults and sell you on services we may not need. So making it without all the emotions helps us make a more informed and the best decision. It is no reason to spend more than necessary. It is throwing money down the drain.

Mother bought her casket from a member of our church for $1200.00 an she has her plot, vault and prepaid the stone and date to be put on it. It is next to my grandfather and a double stone. So, all we need to do not is compare prices of funeral homes for preparing the body and any service we may need. We will not use the family cars which is wasted money and many people have quit doing this.

There is a lot of positive to pre-paying and my husband and I are shopping now to do ours. I don't want our children to have all the emotional stress to go through. My oldest son and his wife have donated their bodies to the Medical Center in Charleston, SC and I am not for it but will honor their wishes. Just hope I am not around to deal with it. But another good reason each of us should make our plans early. The time of death is the worst time to have to be stressed with all those details. And with the cost getting so high, our insurance may not be enough when the time comes to bury us. I just don't want any wasted money on my funeral. We will not be there, it is just the body. The spirit is gone and we will have enough grief to deal with without funeral plans at the time of our loved ones demise.

Now, if we can get mother to get a will made out. And soon we need power of attorney since her dementia is getting so bad. She cannot remember what month or day it is. She gets nervous and upset easily an needs to be in a nursing home. She did admit that to me today but she will change her mind when it comes to taking action. She lives in an apartment with Assisted Living Facility on the premises. She has her meals, transportation and housekeeping once a week and this is good but don't think she will last their through the year. I need to check the details on the Assisted Living to see is she need that or a nursing home? I am not too familiar with the difference? She will have to have a semi-private room and she does not want this but we cannot afford a private since this is a private facility and not government subsidized. But, is so much nicer than the others. We can help her with her needs up to the semi-private but the cost of the private rooms are $3,000 and we cannot afford that. Her income is very limited and I will be the one to have to help her financially. I don't mind but just cannot afford the private room and would prefer her in this private facility if possible. Nursing homes that take social security are not as nice as the private ones and the good ones have a long waiting list. She has not assets so that will not matter but I just want her in a nice place where I know she will get good care.

This was a great subject on prepaid funerals and glad you brought it up. Sorry, if I got off subject a bit. lol

Warm wishes and God Bless,

Sunny

Yes, my MIL made her simple arrangements 14 years ago with the local funeral/mortuary home. We called when she passed and they took over. We went in that afternoon and they checked over our information (address/phone) and just reviewed what MIL had picked out. About an hour or so (we also chatted) and we were done. They called when the death certificates came in and we picked them up. All had been paid for 14 yrs ago and there were no changes so no extra money required. Since her daughter was out of the state, no immediate memorial service.

Right now I'm in good health but given what I went thru with my parents and the you never know, I need to take out a funeral policy on myself . I want to make it as easy as possible for my daughter when that time comes for me , she is my only family. Both my parents were very sick, my Dad was so cynical (sp?)he never made any arrangements. I ended up taking care of both parents pretty much at the same time. After Dad passed given the experience I had, I almost immediately made plans for Mom. It really makes sense financially and other wise, its like an insurance policy. If the funeral home that u want to have service at somehow is no longer in business ,you don't lose your money because the policy is with another company. Its one less thing to worry about when the time comes. You never know like I said, my parents were sick before ,it was very stressful ,I was exhausted not to mention the many other issues I had going on. Making arrangements with a clear head, thinking in the terms practicality and not focusing on the fact its the end only the beginning.

My Dad planned everything ahead. When the time came it was so easy for me! Especially when that is the absolute worst time to do make plans, when you are so very sad! We recently planned my brother-in-laws funeral. He had done it years ago in Nevada. Since he is here with us now in MD, we took all the arrangement plans with us to the funeral home. It was prepaid so long ago, but the money had made enough interest to pay for the funeral now and it was transferrable to here. Only $100 dollars difference. I breathed a sigh of relief. While we were there, I asked my husband if he wanted to plan his own. He said "NO" very loudly. He asked me to do it for him. So I guess I will go and plan both of ours pretty soon. My hubby has Alzheimer's and later it will be harder to get out. I might as well get both of them done at once. An by the way, I went to a funeral service in my church last week. The lady had planned out the service with all her favorite hymns and prayers. She even told the pastor the theme for the sermon. She wanted him to say that she was where she wanted to be...... with Jesus, and that she was expecting that she would be extremely happy there. Faith is a very comforting "thing" to have when you are ready to die! Never understimate the power of your beliefs! They mean everything.

My mother had lung cancer and while she tried to pretend that she thought she was going to recover, she privately knew the odds were against her. She wrote down specific funeral arrangements and told me once where they were kpet, after which she never referred to them again. When she died suddenly in the hospital about 6 months later, I was relieved to have those instructions because I was on my own and things were difficult enough without having to make too many decisions. My mother was a member of a local church so her instructions involved working with the priest there who knew her well and was very helpful in managing many of the details of her funeral. My father, on the other hand, died without any instructions or arrangements having been made. However, in that case I was one of 6 siblings (my father remarried so he had many more children than my mother did) and we knew that our father did not want a religious ceremony so it was fairly easy to go from there since I wasn't alone and were in agreement about what needed to be done, dividing up the tasks among ourselves.

Yes, I think doing pre-planned funeral arrangements is very helpful. I took my parents to the local funeral home last week so they could assign their life insurance policies to the funeral home. The funeral director gave them both information packets so we would know what kinds of things to talk about. It was hard, but doing it together was helpful and we were able to laugh about some things. Over the past year, I've been able to get a lot closer to my mom as she enters the stage of Alzheimer's where she has no short term memory but remembers the early years of her life.

I picked up an information packet for myself as well. I think it definitely makes things easier for all, especially if you are able to make plans while they are still in decent physical and mental health.

Mom and Dad have decided to be creamated and have prepaid for everything there. They want their ashes mixed with the ashes of their dog and shot out of a cannon over the lake where we once lived! LOL No so sure how the current residents will feel about that! We are planning celebration of life ceremonies for both of them but not the dog! FIL will not plan for it , I think he just does not want to pay himself. If nothing else it is funny in an odd sort of way :) Glad Mom and Dad decided what they wanted , it just takes the pressure off.

My Mom took care of her arrangements 6 yrs ago too... She sat with the funeral director picked out her own casket and what she wanted her ob to say..

We also were advised by our Atty. to sign over the Life Ins. policies to the Funeral Home so the monies are not part of her estate...

We did that for my father-in-law when he was within 6 months of dying. Picked out the casket, headstone, cemetery etc. My folks had their funerals all figured out too. Dad was Navy, so mom was cremated and put in the cubby hole awaiting for my dad when he dies. They did it themselves, then told us kids what the plans were. Much less stressful when the time comes, to have all your ducks in a row and not have to worry about it. Worked for us.