When I drive my Dad to my families Thanksgiving, His caregiver does not allow him to drink, because it of the medicine that he takes. Technically he could have one drink but 1) has no impulse control and would not be able to limit himself and 2) in his youth, men drank, that was a given. Yes, I do think the problem is more of a control issue, but I can't solve that todasy. i just want to have a day out with him where he doesn't try to guilt me into giving in, and then be so furious he gets in a snit and doesn't enjoy his holiday with his family who he normally pines for..
If you can't do it, then maybe ask another family member to drive him and you just come a little later.
Will others drink at the dinner? If not, simply state that "sissy's family has banned drinking this year, sorry". The
If he asked on the way about it, I would say the alcohol is already there. And the amount you can keep to yourself. It's a single serving size. Also wine comes in single serving sizes now too.
I would be careful though. Many medications have caution when using alcohol. I know you said he can have one drink, but ,I'm not sure I would risk it.
But if there's alcohol at the dinner, then there's the issue of creating a scene by trying to make sure he doesn't drink. That's a whole lot touchier situation.
I remember on one *The Honeymooners* shows Alice had poured some grape juice into a wine bottle. Later Ralph found the wine bottle, he and his buddy Ed Norton decided to have a glass of wine. It was interesting to see how subconsciously the brain thought it was alcohol and the guys were acting like they were drinking too much wine. Oops.
So, anyway, it's a lot easier to drink no alcohol at all and polish your halo.
But it's a bit miserable for your father to sit there at Thanksgiving dinner while everyone else is having a merry time of it and not be "allowed" a drink. He's not a child, after all. Who is his caregiver who's put the kibosh on the idea?
Treading extremely carefully, you could check what medication it is that contraindicates his having occasional drinks, and see how strict this prohibition is exactly. You have to do this sub rosa, not letting on to your father that you're even thinking about it. Then use your own judgement. If the label states, plain as the nose on your face, "Do Not Take With Alcohol" then it's doctor's orders - keep the label with you, and when your father starts up about it just hold it up and point. If the drug information leaflet, on the other hand, doesn't say a solitary word on the subject of drinking, you might want to confirm this no alcohol recommendation with your father's doctor. And *should* you get the go ahead, then bring him a nice bottle of something that wouldn't knock over a baby gnat and let him take that to the dinner as his treat.
Of course it also slightly depends on what he considers to constitute "a drink." If he means a double Chivas Regal, you have a problem. You'll just have to be as hypocritical as you can manage, sympathise hugely, and tell him you don't want to be the one who does him in.
Oh,and the reason he can't have it is Valium that takes "as needed" for a couple serious issues .... PTSD, and recurrent thing we call the "shakes", a nerve thing he's never figured out what causes, and valium calms it. SO .... when I read about mixing the two is they quadruple the effects of each other. So I think, taking literally, as long as you have someone there to monitor his intake, he can drink a little.
Back to the current problem, driving him to the event. he has impulse control and has an explosive nature - talking it out first is the best idea, because a large part of the control issue is having your say.
Taking all you've all said into consideration doesn't solve the problem, but will help me remember, and honestly, all those things is all that can be done are being done. The watering down doesn't work,,nor the near beer, but I have been able to get one bottle of a beer call it really special, and talk him into sharing it with me in a celebratory way, that works really well. Because it is all about love, and control. The alcohol "effect" is invocative of happier (and powerful) times for him. He's used to being a driving force in other's lives. It is sweet, now that the shoe is on the other foot he is very grateful when others will stop their lives to help him. And although we have a big family, there is no selection of relatives to call to drive....
Thanks for your help, I will be posting more, many problems here!
Unless he has access to at least one bottle, impulse control is not much of a problem.
See All Answers