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My mother owns two homes and land that she obviously expects my husband and I to take care of. We have our own home and yard to mow and my husband still works full time. I don't know how to push back on her when she complains about everything "going downhill" and needing work. I suggested a neighbor man and a relative to help out and she threw her little tantrum. We cannot keep up with the work and she controls the money and receives crop money to maintain the property. I am the trustee but she blabs everything to her nosy sisters so I have to be careful what I say and do. They judge me and would think I'm taking advantage if I were to take over her finances. The properties are needing work but I'm 60 years old with a bad back and do the mowing myself. Where does this end?

It will never end because your mom does this for her enjoyment. You know that. So what you do is not announce anything to your mom. You just hire someone to do the lawns and pay for it with the trust funds. How will her sisters know anything? Who has access to the trust besides you?

In general, you have to stop letting her bait you. You have to realize that she is doing this to get a charge out of it, and your reactions are her reward. I know you have hopes to get the land at some point but your mom isn't even 80 years old. She could be here for 15+ years and every single moment you'll have to watch everything you say and do so she doesn't disinherit you? From land that you can't do much with because of your physical problems?
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Reply to SamTheManager
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JeanLouise Mar 12, 2026
My father pulled that nonsense. I earned my own education and career independently. It's liberating not to be under a control freak thumb. Best decision of my life to walk away from his tantrums.
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How hard is it to tell mom you and hubby are unavailable to do the work on her properties and she needs to make other arrangements. Sure she will get mad, who wants to pay for something they were getting for free. That isn't your problem though.
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Reply to lkdrymom
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1. Don't pay yourself. Do not do the work.
2. Tell Mom you and your husband can no longer do the work and she will need to find someone.
3. Ignore anything she says to the sisters. Who cares.
4. It sounds like Mom is financially comfortable. She needs to be outsourcing this.
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Most importantly, you have to stop worrying about what your mother, her sister or anyone thinks of you.. If you are Trustee you have the right, responsibility and the power to deal with the property. You need to start stop giving free help and start acting as trustee..

Your mother sounds like a bit of a bully and will take advantage of your peace-loving nature. You have to stand up to her. Will she get mad? Sure - whatever. Your job is not to keep her happy but to manage the property. I believe she is the type of person who will always criticize, so pleasing her is a lost cause. I had a mother like that. I decided to do what I thought was right no matter how she reacted. It meant that she and her affairs were well looked after and my conscience was clear. She wasn't going to be happy with me no matter what I did.

((((hugs)))). I know what it is like
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Lander22 19 hours ago
Thank you so much. I know there are a lot of us out there. I didn't realize what I was signing myself up for
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Back way off.

"Mom, my sciatica is acting up again and my Doctor says I am prohibited from mowing. Husband has his own obligations."

Just stop mowing. Let her find someone. She shoots you down when you make suggestions so back way off. If things go downhill, they go downhill.
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Lander22 19 hours ago
She doesn't understand someone telling her their health won't allow them to do something. After all, she's the only one that can be sick lol
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Explain yo Mom you are considered Seniors too. That your husband still works and has his own home to take care of. She needs to pay someone to care for her properties. Maybe its time for her to sell her property if she can no longer care for it. You need to set boundaries.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Lander22, I remember back when my parents needed help around the house. I, too, was a senior myself. After years of helping, I stood in front of my mirror at home, practice saying "no, I can't possible do that" until I was comfortable with that statement. Then I used it. They reacted like my hair was on fire, but I stood firm, it wasn't easy (only child).


At one time my Dad even asked for me to resign from work. Since during my career I had to break a few glass ceilings, I wasn't ready to quit. So I asked my Dad if he had resigned from his career to take care of his parents? He said "no", and never asked me again.
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Reply to freqflyer
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Parents will always do what is the most 'comfortable' thing for them first. They will do it until they cannot do it any longer and only when they are forced to change will they. Which, in your case, your mom is assuming you and your husband will continue to take care of her property maintenance. Sounds like she has the means to have this outsourced, so put your foot down and tell her it needs to be outsourced! Period. It's easier said than done though, I know. I work FT, my elderly husband still works 4 days per week, and both of us spend more time helping my elderly mother at her house than we spend helping ourselves at our own house (which has yard and landscaping on all 4 sides). How do things get this way? It angers me, yet somehow I continue to do it. We literally wash the outside walls of her townhome by hand to get rid of spiders (and of course we've never hand washed the outside of our own home!). I guess the advice I'm giving you is also the advice I'm telling myself: draw boundaries.
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Reply to DaughterDoesAll
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Lander22 19 hours ago
We have four properties total including hers, ours and my father-in-law's. We have been servants to other people for years with very little appreciation from my mother. My husband is a saint and loves to work so I'm dealing with that also
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Resign as trustee. Resign your POA. You can't be the trustee of a trust that's just property with no money in the trust to maintain it. And you won't be able to act as POA for someone who won't listen to reason either. Give mom a chance while she's still mentally able to make other provisions. Or to not make other provisions, that's on her. You literally cannot force another adult to do anything they don't want to until they're completely and utterly incapacitated either mentally or physically. You could be in your grave by then.

Take some time for yourself and maybe work out where you and hubby might like to live when he retires. You two have a life to live and you deserve to live it.
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Reply to Slartibartfast
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If your mother can’t take care of the property and you and your husband do not want to, she should hire someone or sell it.

I sold my house so I didn’t have to deal with it in my old age but somehow my parents assumed we should take care of theirs. It was infuriating but I lived there six months out of the year and so I did it. But everyone’s needs would have been better served if they sold their house and went into AL.
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Lander22 Mar 11, 2026
I suggested AL and she flipped out and told everyone I was "putting her away" in a home. Of course she got lots of sympathy.
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