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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
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How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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This is a caregiver support group. We are here because we know how hard it is for each other, not to try to guilt people into doing what we feel is personally right. I don't know what is right for everybody. However, I know that caregivers often do not get the respect and help they need. It is sad to see that they can't even get it on a caregiver support group. I think it is far better to listen to individual circumstances than it is to make sweeping statements like the one above.
I have been put in this situation for 7 plus years now. Until 2 1/2 years ago I was also employed, but worked for a very understanding company that allowed the non-stop "emergency" phone calls from my mother which were merely as simple as "what time will you be coming over" calls. When I was laid off, I decided to take the time off and continue caring for her and my stepfather. Fast forward to now, and the financial burden, not to mention family burden for my own family has been nothing short of devastating. I have gone round and round with my mother who is more than financially stable about paying me a monthly fee of $1400.00 per month which is less than half of what I was making while employed. Not to mention as others before me the lack of 401k participation, insurance, etc that I am continually losing. Simply put, if I went back to work, my mother would not be able to care for herself with all the demands she puts on me. I fight her endlessly for the this money every month, she wants to put me on a time-card as are her other caregivers who primarily care for my stepfather with advanced Alzheimer's. I can not even begin to track the non-stop phone calls, grocery store runs, doctor visits. I believe that the idea of having an attorney draw up a contract with a firm amount per month is the only fair way to go.
If you are faced with the decision of whether to care for a parent with dementia or a disabled husband, I guess you'd just throw your husband under the bus. I can't make that choice and because I am the sole breadwinner in my household, and my Mom has means, I've chosen to negotiate a workable stipend for living in with her. (Husband is alone at home.) I don't have a lick of guilt about this arrangement. Glad you're able to make your decisions without guilt as well.
Well, back to the question -- if your mother is living with you, it seems fair to charge her for her portion of the rent and utilities. She should be responsible to pay for anything that she needs especially for her care. If you are staying home to take care of her, I think that $1000 is very fair and $2000 even better, depending on what she can afford to pay. If you are concerned that she will run out of money, you can put what she pays you in a separate savings account that you can tap back into if she needs to. The benefit of doing this is that paying yourself protects the assets if she needs to spend down for Medicaid in the future. Be sure that you draw up a services contract, with the charges being legal and reasonable.
Sometimes I read the things people write about who owes what to who when. It is just crazy talk to compare obligations owed to children and parents. Obligation passes down the line. Our parents raised us and we raise our children. Anything done in the other direction is for love and compassion, and not obligation. Anyone who has been an elder caregiver knows it is nothing like raising a child, unless the child has a severe disability. Everything can go smoothly with elder care, but if the elder goes the self-obsessed route, he/she can drain the adult child financially and emotionally. Caregivers have the right to protect their own lives and try to prevent living in poverty. It would be nice if the elder retained the ability to care what happens to the child, but often this is lost if it was there to begin with. I don't charge my mother to care for her, but it has been very costly for me. I would recommend that other caregivers take care of themselves while caring for others if it is at all possible. Caregivers are important people, too, and worthy of care from self and others.
as i was on disability and caring for a special needs child of my own ....it made sense to make us a 3 generation house. it puts a near dead stop to me having a relationship with a man...but hey the occasional booty call will do until i have this place to myself and i realize my dad is happier being with what little family he has. he took care of mom for over 30 yrs with her health issues. he never cheated on her. least i can do is make sure hes clean dry and fed. isnt that what all of us really need in this world?
I would not take payment for caring of my elderly parent, but then I can't afford to take care of them. I have bills to pay and health insurance costs. I work to meet those expenses. I am not rich so I cannot do both. Yes I will help them, but not at the point of jeopardizing my own financial present or future. I have three adult children of my own and I know they would never charge me for my care, but then I will never allow them to take me on as their responsibility. Having children is a gift with no expectations of a return favor.
How old is this child? Are you talking about an adult child? My answer is nothing to paying for gas. One's children need to take responsibility for their elderly parents and do it for the sake of repaying all the years they cared for you. Expecting payment is a little callus, but younger generations think they have to be paid for being kind.
My divorced mother spent years taking care of her parents in our home when I was a child. NONE OF HER 8 BROTHERS AND SISTERS GAVE HER ANY FINANCIAL SUPPORT AT ALL. As I look back now, I realize how much stress she was under trying to work a full-time job, take care of 2 children and aging parents. I believe adults taking care of aging parents in their homes should be paid.
I take care of my dad who has dementia and a few physical issues. I am 24/7. In the beginning of this journey he knew i would be giving up my personal life in order to do this. with his blessing i am POA and we co-mingle our money and I use his and mine as if it is mine. He sold his home and bought us a mobile home(a very nice new one) and a car and I pay all the bills out of OUR funds. If you are married you dont split the money. This is a marriage ...without the fun stuff lol. I have dedicated my love and time to care for the man who gave me life and put bread on my table for a long time. So I feel no guilt and when he is gone I will have both house and car and all the responsibilities on just my money alone.
@ rthendricks - Children don't ask to be born therefore NO, the parent did not charge the child to raise them. That was the parent's pleasure (in making a baby) and when you bring a child into this world YOU as the parent owe the child food, shelter, clothing, love, as well as teaching them the right path to walk as they will eventually leave your nest. Hopefully, you've treated this child well and they are willing to take care of you as you age however, this assumption that a person is OBLIGATED to care for an ailing parent baffles me. Many ppl are not fit enough to have children yet they do every day. Some even have children with the expectation that the child will grow up to take care of them when they get older which means, your life is only your own once you leave your parents care until the day when your aging parent expects you to take care of them? What a sad prospect to say the least.
A nursing home on average is a $110,000 a year cost for 24/7 care with staff! So I figure a one person caregiver is worth twice that amount for the same level of care.
It is the law to provide everything that your child needs to prosper and grow till he is grown up, the child did not ask to be born, and it is ludicrous to make such an analogy rfhendricks!
There are alot of opinions here. My thoughts are that if the person is expected to give up their job to provide the care; then a formal legal agreement should be drawn up. IMO, compensation is important because in the end, there are lost wages, lack of retirement investment (401K or matching 401K for that matter); lack of health insurance, etc. -- all important considerations. Thus, there are two ways a parent or loved one can handle: 1. Wage plus benefits -- $20/hr for caregiving is an average depending on where you live (and even that is barely livable wage). Could be slightly less if you are provided room and board. Plus, at least part of your healthcare insurance should be paid for. Will you need a car? Who provides the car, insurance, gas, etc.? 2. Compensation within the will/estate. This may be good or bad. You could be adequately provided for in the will with part or all of the estate willed to you that would compensate -- however, be very cautious as to what may or may not be left? Will it be enough? If this person lives several years or needs to move to nursing care, etc. and that estate/assets may have to be used to pay for the care -- this can go very quickly (upwards of $16K/mo) -- so you may need to consider this. You could also have some of those assets transferred to you ahead of time if the loved one is willing.
Whatever you decide; PLEASE make sure it is put legally in writing by an attorney. This would include any "caregiving/employment agreement (include all your care responsibilites, expectations, vacation, respite care, sick leave plan, etc.)" or the legal will and addendum. I would additionally review/discuss with siblings or others who may have an interest in the will/estate so they are aware and there are not heart feelings in the end.
You will see from many posts, the burden of long term caregiving. Many started with good intentions and then reality hits when the loved one passes on and they can't take afford the house any longer, or they are older and find it very difficult to reenter the workforce and make up the lost income and benefits when they are nearing retirement themselves. BE EDUCATED and frankly, meet with a financial advisor if you can ahead of time and have them walk you through the scenario of what you are undertaking and the impact on your financial future (and that of your family).
I hope you are asking about an adult son or daughter. I do not think a child should have any paid care giving duties. Although my niece was very helpful with her grandparents. She, of her own will provided occasional recreation, played dominos, showed off her cheer leading. I would not want to make that a responsibility by paying for it. Her visits were a Godsend.
The value of caregiving is priceless. I do not like to turn it into something transactional with an hourly wage. I do believe members of a household with income should all contribute to the household. Is mom living with you or are you living with mom? Who is providing the room and board and electricity? To put a value I would say an agency charges$17 to $22, a private person charges $10 to $15. Given you are not backed by the resources of an agency, the $10 to $15 rate applies. I do not think you can really charge a parent for companionship time.
What is Acceptable?. I bet the Medicare look back auditors have a rate range they find reasonable.
I could never have charged my parents. In fairness I am financially secure, so I refrain from judgement. all families are different. Also, my financial security is largely due to my parents working very hard to send me to private school and college. They achieved the American dream of having your children be better off that yourself, that dream should have a payback.
I would suggest if you are going to come up with a rate it needs to be something that fits into the budget and go with a flat rate, rather than counting hours.
If I were a millionaire, I would not consider taking any money for my Mom's care/room/board. However, realistically, what parents "spend" on raising children to 18 is completely different than caring for a parent, perhaps leaving your job, having to buy a larger home, adapting your house to accommodate their needs, to say nothing of the emotional strain on a marriage or relationship or just "life". As long as a child/children make sure their parents are safe, fed, medically cared for, and have shelter and are socially not neglected in any way, then who is anyone to judge a decision to "place" them? Please be kind when dealing with family and/or friends who are in that situation...to each his own.
II don't agree with rfhendricks at all!!!! If could do it all over again ,I would have insisted to my siblings that I get a weekly salary. They haven't done crap! It is a financial burden careing for my Mom had put a strain on my household income and not fair for my husband to carry the burden.
The weekly amount would have increased as her needs increased...
Kudos, rthendricks, but in this day and age, to make ends meet, most of us need financial support to do this. I had to give up my job to stay home with my mom and I would not be able to do it if she didn't kick in. I don't consider it pay, rather room and board. To answer original post, I would consider what that person's share of the household expenses are and take it from there.
Did the parent charge the kid to raise him or her? I take care of my elderly mother who has dementia, I could not live with myself if I even thought of charging her to take care of her..
Depends. Are you going to be doing it 24/7 for years and endless years? Then NO parent has enough to pay their kids as far as I'm concerned. Even $20 an hour is chump change in return. That's how I see it.
That depends on what the child is doing. At the very least minimum wage per hour, the child is not a slave and this is an emotional burden for him/her, keep that in mind, money sometimes does not justify putting someone in this position, yes responsibility yada yada, but still it is a lot to place on a kid IMO.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If you are faced with the decision of whether to care for a parent with dementia or a disabled husband, I guess you'd just throw your husband under the bus. I can't make that choice and because I am the sole breadwinner in my household, and my Mom has means, I've chosen to negotiate a workable stipend for living in with her. (Husband is alone at home.) I don't have a lick of guilt about this arrangement. Glad you're able to make your decisions without guilt as well.
Sometimes I read the things people write about who owes what to who when. It is just crazy talk to compare obligations owed to children and parents. Obligation passes down the line. Our parents raised us and we raise our children. Anything done in the other direction is for love and compassion, and not obligation. Anyone who has been an elder caregiver knows it is nothing like raising a child, unless the child has a severe disability. Everything can go smoothly with elder care, but if the elder goes the self-obsessed route, he/she can drain the adult child financially and emotionally. Caregivers have the right to protect their own lives and try to prevent living in poverty. It would be nice if the elder retained the ability to care what happens to the child, but often this is lost if it was there to begin with. I don't charge my mother to care for her, but it has been very costly for me. I would recommend that other caregivers take care of themselves while caring for others if it is at all possible. Caregivers are important people, too, and worthy of care from self and others.
Beautiful arrangement. Each member brings what they can, that is what I call family living.
God Bless you both.
L
1. Wage plus benefits -- $20/hr for caregiving is an average depending on where you live (and even that is barely livable wage). Could be slightly less if you are provided room and board. Plus, at least part of your healthcare insurance should be paid for. Will you need a car? Who provides the car, insurance, gas, etc.?
2. Compensation within the will/estate. This may be good or bad. You could be adequately provided for in the will with part or all of the estate willed to you that would compensate -- however, be very cautious as to what may or may not be left? Will it be enough? If this person lives several years or needs to move to nursing care, etc. and that estate/assets may have to be used to pay for the care -- this can go very quickly (upwards of $16K/mo) -- so you may need to consider this. You could also have some of those assets transferred to you ahead of time if the loved one is willing.
Whatever you decide; PLEASE make sure it is put legally in writing by an attorney. This would include any "caregiving/employment agreement (include all your care responsibilites, expectations, vacation, respite care, sick leave plan, etc.)" or the legal will and addendum. I would additionally review/discuss with siblings or others who may have an interest in the will/estate so they are aware and there are not heart feelings in the end.
You will see from many posts, the burden of long term caregiving. Many started with good intentions and then reality hits when the loved one passes on and they can't take afford the house any longer, or they are older and find it very difficult to reenter the workforce and make up the lost income and benefits when they are nearing retirement themselves. BE EDUCATED and frankly, meet with a financial advisor if you can ahead of time and have them walk you through the scenario of what you are undertaking and the impact on your financial future (and that of your family).
The value of caregiving is priceless. I do not like to turn it into something transactional with an hourly wage. I do believe members of a household with income should all contribute to the household. Is mom living with you or are you living with mom? Who is providing the room and board and electricity? To put a value I would say an agency charges$17 to $22, a private person charges $10 to $15. Given you are not backed by the resources of an agency, the $10 to $15 rate applies. I do not think you can really charge a parent for companionship time.
What is Acceptable?. I bet the Medicare look back auditors have a rate range they find reasonable.
I could never have charged my parents. In fairness I am financially secure, so I refrain from judgement. all families are different. Also, my financial security is largely due to my parents working very hard to send me to private school and college. They achieved the American dream of having your children be better off that yourself, that dream should have a payback.
I would suggest if you are going to come up with a rate it needs to be something that fits into the budget and go with a flat rate, rather than counting hours.
Best of luck to you
L
The weekly amount would have increased as her needs increased...