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Oh, let me say...nothing of value...just a buuuunch of stuff!!!
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Even though I could NOT get rid of things until my mother couldn't remember there was something missing...I did start getting rid of tons of things that she has been saving for 50 years! As my mother's dementia progressed...I just pretty much got rid of everything that would not be used. I did this little by little...giving bags to Salvation Army as I realized...some of these things would never be used. I have to clean the house...and I am NOT a collector of junk...and do not like homes that are filled with knick-knacks!! My beautiful mother is now bed ridden and can't do anything for herself...does she care about that stuff??? lol I think NOT!! I have not sold the house because I live in their house and care for them both. But...if I thought I should sell that for whatever reason to make life better for us...I would in a heartbeat. Don't feel guilty...things DON'T MATTER at that point...just the best care possible to keep them fed, clean and comfortable!
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Yvonnavee, maybe the gun should go to a museum with your family name as donator?
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Salisbury, Alas...I am a book and manuscript person myself. When I went through college (BA and both MA's) I bought my books and I kept them ALL!I started looking for a better job about a year ago and realized...what am I going to do with all these books? I started weeding and donating to local libraries. They took most all the books I had even the weird stuff on the Cold War and other sort of obsolete, dry history books I had accumulated over time. I still have a good deal of books, but I am down by about a third now. Something manageable. And that's basically all I have is books and oh...my chickens! I am like everyone else here. I don't want to do this to my daughter because I have only one, so I'm putting a muzzle on the pack rat as best I can.

I know I will have to just wait out the clothes issue with my dad. There is one item that is causing me a little grief though. Years ago, my dad gave me an old 1875 double-barrel 12 gauge with Damascus barrels. I am the gun person in the family, am a reenactor, love to target shoot, etc. My great-grandfather bought the gun in 1875 when it was brand new and he engraved his name and the date he bought it on the stock. It is a family heirloom and because it is one of a very few from a specific manufacturer, is documented, and still has the original cleaning rod and gun sock, is worth some money--not to me. It's priceless and not for sale and never will be for sale. Someone else in the family has been asking where the shotgun is. My dad says it's my call whether or not to give the gun to this person who doesn't have any children to hand it down to. I'm not the one with the family name anymore, but at least I won't sell the thing. My husband has offered to buy the gun to keep it in the family, but maybe I shouldn't even give it away? If I don't, it may cause family problems though. This is a lot tougher call than those darn clothes...
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Igloo.......good point about Medicaid.........I hadn't even thought of that, since I'm not planning to apply for the benefit for my Mom (although that can change in 5 years if the finances run out. Sigh) In Colorado, there is no look-back period currently in effect for VA Aid & Attendance benefits.
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Oh, I forgot to mention.. we didn't have prices on anything (no time). We just gave folks a price when they asked, and if the price was to high we often kept going down till they said yes and took it away! ;-)
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I emptied my hoarder dad's house in a matter of two weeks (with his consent since he's living with my brother in another state. I flew to the state my dad's house was in, where I grew up, and with the help of my best friend from highschool and a boat load of strangers, we emptied a 1600 sq. foot two story with a full basement that was filled to the max on all three floors. Since we were pressed for time I ran an ad in Craigs list explaining the situation and that we'd open the doors at such and such a time and folks could come in and start digging. We spent a few days making paths and walkways and clearing one small room where people could store their bags and boxes while they "shopped" for more. All total we had 7 sale days. On days we didn't have the sale we filled black trashbags with stuff that really wasn't worth anything to anyone and set them aside on each floor.

On the next to the last day we were having the sale we rented a dumpster, and then placed another ad in craigslist letting folks know that the last day of the Eastland sale was a free day... All we ask is that, if someone takes something for free, they grab a trashbag and haul it up from the basement or down from the attic and toss it into the dumpster for us.

It was amazing. Scores of people who had come to the sale, many multiple times, showed up on free day just to help. Someone even posted on Craigslist how wonderful our sales had been and put out a call for help to all who had attended. By the end of the day, the dumpster was full and the house was nearly empty. We could have never done it without Craigslist.

Doing it this way we didn't make a lot of money. But it was enough to pay for my plane ticket, my expenses, pay my friend Theresa something for her time and pay for the dumpster. Most importantly, it was done! My father was so relieved when I told him it brought tears to my eyes. We didn't know he had been worrying so much about what to do about the house (he knew he was a hoarder and that it was bad).

This was a GREAT use of Craigslist! We did think of having an estate sale company but two turned me down when I called and explained the situation, so this turned out to be a super solution.
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lea - if they are ever needing Medicaid, deeding the property over to you or whomever from the date of the Medicaid application back 5 years, will cause them to be ineligible for Medicaid and will place a transfer penalty on their use of Medicaid till the transfer penalty period of days (based on the about of the transfer & your states Medicaid reimbursement rate) is over.

For VA A&A, you should clearly find out IF any of the new changes to A&A have any sort of look-back as the Medicaid program does. I think the new VA A&A changes go into effect this FY.

What can happen is that since VA A&A only pays for those living at home or Il or AL and will stop being paid once they enter a LTC/SNF, so in order to pay for LTC/SNK aka a NH, they need to apply for Medicaid. What can happen is if the property was deed over for the AL years, everything is OK for VA but then they need higher level of care in a NH the next year, so that deed comes back to be a transfer penalty if it's within the 5 yr lookback required by Medicaid. Transfer penalties of real property is really hard to get around or get reduced as the information is there to the penny on the record at the courthouse & tax assessors office & dovetails to state records.
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To BLS0901: Can you have your Mom's house deeded over to YOU before you sell it? Then you can manage the finances and she'll still be eligible to get the VA benefits. Fortunately, I liquidated all of my folks assets last year (after my Dad had fallen & broken a hip) and had them put into my name. I am an only child (and I use the word 'child' loosely....) so I had to figure out HOW to deal with SO much. Once I had the assets put into my name, I was able to apply for VA benefits for Dad. He passed away last week and now those benefits have stopped cold. I have to reapply for Mom to get about half of what he had received.

When Dad fell, they were living in an independent apartment building with lots of furniture & belongings. The surgeon told me there was no way Dad would be able to go back into independent living after he'd finished rehab. So...........I was left with the dilemma of what to do with all that 'stuff'? Much of the furniture was dated, but in good condition. I called the Salvation Army 800 phone number, and they sent a truck over to take everything. The men came up into the apartment, and loaded everything into the truck for what's called a 'house clean-out'. You can use the donation as a tax deduction, too. Just keep a detailed list of everything you donate, with a $ amount. I kept the personal mementos for myself, and packed up a few boxes of belongings for Mom to take with her into the AL facility she moved into with Dad, and that was about it. Maybe not the smartest move financially, but surely the easiest way to get rid of a LOT of stuff with little hassle.

What strikes me is how life comes down to precious little in terms of 'stuff'. My Dad died with 3 things: a watch, a ring, and a gold chain. But what he left us with is tremendous: memories, love & gentle kindness that will live in our hearts forever. The 'stuff' is irrelevant, isn't it?

Wishing you the best of luck, dear one.
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To those thinking that saving items for grandchildren or their kids will be appreciated by them, I'm reminded of a scene in "GIANT"… Bick Benedict is telling his younger daughter Judy that he now wants her & her somewhat hapless future SIL to take over the Reata - a huge ranch (as the supposed heir Jordy has now decided to become a MD and wants nothing to do with Reata); Judy sweetly looks at her old dad and says something like "oh daddy nobody wants a big old ranch now, we want something small", turns around quite perky and exits the room. And this from 1956 (my mom went into labor with me watching this movie)

Don't count on your kids to be there or to appreciate or give a fig about the old clock, silver, photo albums……..
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Valshuppe,

Ah, do I feel your situation.

My husband (82) has way over 3,500 books in our house and will not even talk about sorting and weeding. I would like to take care of this now while I am 65 rather than 75 or 85. But he will not even have a conversation about it. So, I have accepted that it has to happen "later." I think this is the case with your dad. You are just going to have to wait until "later" and then, finally, you can go to Goodwill.

Meanwhile, all, I am cleaning out drawers and cupboards and closets like a mad woman. Be well!
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Skimming through these posts has made be doubly glad that I am NOT a "keeper". I will NOT do this to my kids. My parents HAD to sell their enormous home 15 years ago and move in with my brother. It took us 3 years to clean it out, slowly, as every single item had to be touched, talked about and sometimes wept over. Mom had 99% "junk" and 1% decent stuff that they actually needed and kept. After the move, she began quickly buying more junky stuff to fill up her small apartment. (What 85 yo woman NEEDS a stuffed rabbit the size of a 3 y/o on their bed?) I clean for mother and the dust level in her house is unbelievable. And unhealthy, since it's mixed with bird dander and feathers. She's in the midst of the slow slide into dementia, so I am very careful to not "throw away" ANYTHING! If I "deep clean" I now put all the treasures she'll allow me in snap tight bins and then store them. They're clearly labeled and once she passes, these will go straight to the trash. But I have to respect that she wants to keep EVERYTHING. I know she feels she has lost all control. And we, as caregivers, have to respect that as best we can. Let's just not do the same to our own kids. It's overwhelming!
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I had to clear my mother's apartment and sell it via POA when her dementia worsened. I sold some of it on Ebay on her behalf, gave some to charity, kept some of it for sentimental reasons and took the rest to the tip. She asks sometimes what happened, gets upset about her "nice things", then forgets again after I explain. I have some of her furniture and a lot of her garden containers in my house. I bring her to the house regularly to visit, she has never recognized any of her belongings.
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I am also in the slow agonizing, stressful process of going through my moms triple wide mobile home. She was a compulsive shopper of fine items. She has been in ALF for a year and half and since has fractured her hip and will not be able to go home unless she has 24/7 care which we can not afford. I am putting a lot of things in storage out of respect for her and her things. And after she is gone I will trash it. I don't want her old pictures as I have too many of my own that I never look at. A lot of her things are at my house in a spare room so I can take requested items to her and bring things back that she doesn't use. I am trying to prepare to do an estate sale right now. It is an awful feeling because she wants to go come but can't. I have no siblings or relatives to assist or talk with so I am making the best decision I can. And when I am old enough to retire I will bring her to my home so I can oversee her care until she passes. You all offer up some great advise and ideas and I plan to use some of them to
get me through this. One thing for sure I will not tell her the house is gone because my mom also would be pissed and take it out on her caregivers.
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Sounds like I'm not in this one alone. At the urging of the nursing home staff and social worker and the wonderful lady that has been essentially a member of our family for 16 years, I told Mom about me selling the house and having an auction to sell most of her antiques. This was 3 days ago and she still is screaming mad!! She has thrown things in the cafeteria during meals, yelled and screamed at the staff and according to the head of nursing is inconsolable. I'm 8 hours away, so I'm not witnessing this first hand, but I've certainly witnessed this type of behavior my entire life so I know what is happening. We had a plan for when I told her and the staff has followed through doing the best they can. She refuses to talk to me now, won't take my calls nor will she call me. She has told everyone that she blames me for doing this and that she's "done" with me. I know this is her age and dementia talking, but it stings a bit. I knew she wouldn't take this well, but we were so afraid that someone might slip and let the cat out of the bag so to speak and it would be even worse. Years ago, Mom left clear instructions on what we should keep in the family and who it should go to and I followed those wishes to the letter. Therefore, just as many of you that have posted, I have stuff in my house that I am storing until grand kids are old enough and so on. And like many of you, Mom and Dad were antique collectors their entire lives and lived in an old Victorian home. It was full to the rafters with Victorian furniture. I hired an auction company to come in and sell them, but to no surprise, it didn't sell for what I would have like to have gotten. But, it sold and is all gone and that is so important. Mom was devastated about that, because those antiques were something her and my Dad did together. (He was killed in a car accident in 1994, so he's been gone a long time). It makes me so sad to see her feeling this way, but with her severe dementia, she repeats about every 5-8 minutes. Trying to "break" that trend is hard. None of this is easy and in fact as hard as it is on Mom, it's as hard on me, but in a different way. I sold my childhood memories with that auction and pieces of my Mom and Dad. But if I wouldn't have done it, the State would have and at least this way, I was able to uphold her wishes. I promised my daughter she would not have to go through this - I'll take care of it long before that day comes!
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Yes, you're not alone. I've been caregiving for my elderly aunt, who never married or had kids, for over 2 years now. I had to sell her house and of course empty it of her belongings. Sadly, as she began to experience dementia, she developed a problem with mice, and most of her belongings were just ruined by mouse droppings. We kept photos and papers, of course, but to empty her house we just called 800 GOT JUNK. That was a sad day when her belongings were put in dumpster after dumpster. The men working there said they see it all the time, and grown adults telling them "My mom must never know!" The house was then sold, as was her beloved vintage car. My aunt forgets that her house was sold, which is a good thing, but remembers that I hastily told her ALL her belongings were somehow in my basement! I didn't know what else to tell her. She thinks it's odd that everything she owns is supposedly in my basement but it makes her feel better I suppose. She rarely asks about her car, which is good because it would be quite a stretch to tell her it's in our garage as it wasn't even running when she had it. It's tough but unfortunately it must be done. Sorry.
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BLS - your mom "collection" is like what my mom's house was like. A room full of sewing items....Boxes of Rick Rack, piping, fabric, zippers, bobbins.....does anyone even remember rickrack on clothes!!! Boxes of old vacation planning stuff...old Esso & Sinclair road maps, brochures from historic sites.

The sewing stuff all went to the nuns at a nearby convent, apparently they have a sewing circle from several parishes who make layettes.

But the old travel & old printed material (magazines, cooking guides) was used by teachers & they were thrilled to get it to be able to use for collages. One of my artist cousins brought a middle school teacher over & they took a van full of stuff. Art programs if they even exist in public schools are underfunded & moms stuff could convert to supplies. It was nice knowing that some of my childhood vacation could become McCarthy's " the Road" book report collage.

Mom moved from home to IL so it was a culling of stuff to do this, maybe 1/4 of furniture moved to IL. Rest of house less a bedroom got sold at garage sale. Made less than $ 1,000. Really unless your parents are the rare true collector most of what is in that house filled with decades of items is pretty worthless.

let all our posts be a lesson to ourselves to downsize
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Yes, I just finished this process about 2 weeks ago. At 96, mom still wanted to go back to her senior housing after rehab for her 2 toe amputation. But a week before her release from rehab, she suffered a CHF incident and her health went downhill really fast. Medicaid was pending so I took her to my own home, but could only last 8 days-we were getting no sleep and I was paying over $100/day to have someone sit with mom while we were out. So I finally decided to pay over $15K to put her into a LTC facility while awaiting Medicaid paperwork. I had 2 weeks to clean out her apt, which is 1 1/2 hrs away from me. What I finally did, after I took out mom's clothes and other personal effects, was engage the services of a friend of hers in the building-she held a "yard " sale in the building and sold just about everything in a week. She raised only $200 and I gave her 1/2 for her efforts. It was really worth it and people in those large senior buildings love to shop for cheap in neighbor's places. Mom was sad but I tried to explain to her that for her own safety, she could not live back in her apt. She is still unhappy about it, but as several social workers and a priest told me, I am the "parent" role now, and she is the "child". As a parent we sometimes make decisions in the best interest of the child that they do not like. Their judgement is not sound so it is up to us to do the right thing. Good luck!
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That's difficult if you have no experience with antiques yourself. But, that's what the internet is for too. You can research prices on eBay and other sites. At least, you can see what a certain thing is going for these days. Sometimes, a larger HS will have an appraiser that may be able to give you a value and may be willing to buy it from you if it's a significant piece and they have the financial resources.
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I am also going through a similar predicament with my dad. My mom passed in March and my dad has basically turned their house into a shrine for my mom (He has all kinds of pictures of her and him throughout their lives all over the walls now including an 8 by 10 picture of her in the casket on the wall--not good I think). He wants to get rid of some things, but he wants to give specific things to specific people and he wants them to keep those things. He has made a will and gave POA to my brother which is fine. My dad (he's 82), has directed us two to take what we want now, but neither of us really want or need anything. So, my dad is delegating us things to take. He wants me to take all my mom's clothes and jewelry. That would be fine if I could give them to Goodwill or the Salvation Army because she was quite a bit bigger than me and not quite my style and I don't wear jewelry at all. But...there are stipulations to my dad's gifts. If I take the clothes and jewelry, he demands that I wear this stuff or keep it until I can wear it or my daughter can wear it. (My daughter is a size 1. I really don't think she will ever wear a size 16 anytime soon). This is a weekly battle with him and he ends up crying every time we discuss it. Everyone says that I should take the stuff and donate it, but as I presented the post about a historical society telling a donor what's going to happen with their loved one's stuff, I feel that I should tell my dad, "Hey, I'm going to take it to Goodwill," which he does not agree with. I feel as if he wants me to replace my mom even down to her clothes. There are other people who could use the clothes and they would probably fit them, but he demands that I take them and wear them. I've tried to get him to go to counseling, but he says the Hospice counselor that visits about every other week, says that his grieving process could take years. I think my dad is using that as an excuse to do all this weird stuff. Should I take the clothes and donate them? I would take the jewelry and keep what I thought I might wear and get rid of the rest and share any profit with my brother, but there is quite a bit of it. Three large jewelery boxes full. My husband is a pack rat himself and I'm always donating or throwing out stuff of our own. I can't take on any more stuff, especially stuff that I'm not going to use. It's a dilemma that's for sure and a very emotional one. Just wanted to add my experience to the post. It's not easy and I'm not sure if there are any right answers to all of this. At least not ones that feel right anyway. Hang in there everyone.
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Correction: my mom could NOT remember the important pieces in her antiques collection. Sorry. Wish we could edit!
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As an archivist and a local HS volunteer, I should also say that historical societies (and academic libraries! Your local college library will probably have a special collections department), do take things that are of historical value to the area or people that lived there. You will have to sign a donor agreement and either sign over ownership of the item(s) or be willing to let the item be used for research and/or display. The archivist or librarian (if they accept your items), will let you know what they plan on doing with your things.Please don't be angry if they don't want them or don't have plans to display them right away. Most HS are overwhelmed with donations and just can't possibly display everything. They may even want to sell the item in order to provide funds for say a new furnace, a new roof, etc. Please don't be offended with that idea either because at least your loved ones things helped preserve other historical things. With our HS, the money goes into building preservation and other projects that we have going on in order to provide more materials for people to look at and remember our local history. Not in someone's pocket. Also: A lot of people bring in donations that don't have any significance to the local area and want those things displayed in the Society. Sometimes we become a storage facility for things that people can't bear to get rid of, but don't want them taking up space in their house. So, yes!! Take those things to your library or HS. One of our nicest displays is one that presents military uniforms of men and women of the community who have served at one time or another. We have uniforms from the Civil War through Iraq and I know that visitors love to see them and are proud of the community because of the display.
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Hi,

First, I am the POA. Yes, I did have to sell the house and many of the contents. I kept a some things for myself and my daughter. But my mom had been an antique dealer in the 60's and 70's and she had a LOT of stuff. Her house was bursting.

Many very nice antiques that my daughter and I either had no room for or real interest in (the list would stun you! Copper lustre, state plates, fairy lamps, ...), I gave over to an antiques auctioneer. We have a lot of those in our area. As I have written elsewhere, we did not get much for them though the auction was well attended by collectors and dealers. The antiques market tanked, which I did not know. It paid for 2/3 of a month in her AL! That was just last summer--my mom has been in AL for thirteen months. I never told her about this sale and I never, ever will. Interestingly, she rhapsodizes for hours about her antiques but when I once mentioned one specific important piece, she could remember it. (FYI, we thought it was worth $10-20K. Turns out it was worth, and I have triple checked this: $300. But I digress...)

I sold the house last July. I told her about it months after the sale and she just assumed that she had forgotten it. And, then, she forgot that, too. Every now and then she remembers and says that she wants to move back so that she can work in the garden. My husband and I sit quietly and do not remind her that SHE COMPLAINED ABOUT WORKING IN THE GARDEN FOR FIVE MONTHS OF EVERY YEAR UNTIL WE HAD TEARS IN OUR EYES.

The happy ending to the story is that she is really content in her AL and plays bridge several times a week. In fact, in this short time, she has become so acclimated to it that she actually gets a tad nervous when we take her out. She enjoys a short ride to a quiet place for an ice cream or lunch or dinner. Then she is almost relieved to go back. One hour, not too far, not too many people or too much confusion. That is what she can handle now. and that is just right for us, too.
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My mother's house is a split level with a basement. I can not get up and down step easy myself let alone carry things with me when I do. Mom literally has accordion folders with every year of financial papers, tax records, health insurance statements back to the 1980's. Nice her credit union is still the same all of this stuff needs to be shredded. We try to sit and do a couple of folders every time we go over there. All of the 4 bedrooms still have all of the furniture, the dressers are filled with quilt material ( a lot I have sold) and all upstair closets are filled with new clothes with tags still on. We wrap her own new clothes as presents for her for her birthday be use she does not remember buying anything. There a set of crystal glasses in a cabinet in the kitchen that have never been used dunce they were put in the cabinet in 1962! I would Li,e to try to get someone to come in who has a re-sale store and make me an offer on the dressers and other furniture si that they can tie it away but I don't know how to find such a person?
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Mom lives with me. She knows we sold her house but forgets several times per week. We had to give most of her nice furniture away; nobody in the family really wanted it or said they did then did not show up to haul it off. I called St. Frances quickly, who picked the remainder quickly, thank God, since the new owner gave us very little time to get out. Every once in awhile, mom will throw a fit and tell her imaginary "friend" that we've taken everything she has and that she has no money. She had already moved in with me, met the real estate agent who sold her house, knew at the time it was on the market. I was always honest with her about what was and still is happening. To this day, she really has totally lost interest in most of her things, her clothing, etc. I kept what she could actually wear and what was practical. I ended up buying her car. But she does grieve about her nice things when she has days when she remembers her house. The money from the sale of her house is in the bank. When she throws her fits, I explain the whole business to her again. It is a terrible thing when a person knows years ahead of time that he/she is having problems managing a household yet refuses help. I tell her sorry, but we did what we had to do and that when she could make sound decisions, she just refused to, stubborn as hell. I tell her repeatedly that nobody has robbed her and that her money is intact in all her accounts at this time. She can barely manage a $20 bill to carry in her purse these days and is always losing or dropping that, but I have yet to take her purse away from her. That's coming soon, I'm sure. Good luck to you.
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This is a very difficult thing to do. My mom had to stay in the SNF after her sub acute rehab-something we did not plan on. Her condo held 27 years of accumulated stuff. I had to clean it out and sell it. She knew she couldn't go back but she still talks about it and refers to me as her daughter who sold her condo out from under her.
I know in some cases money is an issue but I spent a small amount to hire people to help me. One was a "relocation" company --two women who do this for a living.
They came in and helped me organize, pack and even took things to donation centers. I had a close friend there when they came in and we all packed things up. They kept us on track and focused
It cost me $200 and believe me it was the best money I spent. The woman from the company kept us on track and gave us a lot of hints on what to do and how to do it. Another person came in who owns a second hand store and she looked over things and told me what she wanted to buy. I used her mover to get the things to her shop. That was $150. So far she has sold about $600 of my mom's things.
I did rent a small storage unit for the things I did not know what to do with and needed more time to look into what they were worth. That is costing about $50 a month but it took the pressure off about getting rid of things. My sister and I are going thru those things as we can and selling some on eBay. I don't plan to keep it for long but it gives us time to look into what to do with some of mom's things.
Also some of the donation centers will pick things up for free. St. Vincent De Paul is one as is AmVets. What about the public library for her books? Is there anything of historical significance that the local library or history museum might want?I also had to shred a lot of paperwork from years ago that my mom kept. Sometimes your community has a shredding day (free) where you can take up to 50lbs at a time.I didn't know any of this until I had to take care of this for my mom. Talk to your friends and ask if they have had to do this and how they did it. It was amazing what kind of information I found out by doing that. Also if you have a senior citizen center in your area, contact them to see if you can get any helpful hints. It is a very hard thing to do.
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I am in the very slow process of trying to empty my mother's house now. She has been in AL for 2 1/2 years. The house is in need of so many repairs that it is not even worth fixing up yo get it ready to sell. I have contacted one of these companies that buys houses in a very quick time when we are ready to sell it. My mother just qualified for VA A&D so if I sell it now I have to tell them and she will lose that benefit because once sold it is considered her asset and that would put her over their allowable asset amount. Life insurance annuities do not count towards her assets and what little she has in annuities will go towards funeral expenses when the time comes. My problem is what to do with all of the things? Mom kept everything, yet there are things like her sterling silver chest we can not find because she hid it. My mother's does not ask about her house anymore except to say that she wants to leave where she is living now. Lucky for us she trusts her doctor of 40 years so when we tell her that he picked the place where she is now because of all of the stairs in her house she accepts it. There is no money that can be spared to pay for labor to move things so it is very slow going trying to empty her house. I find that it is my sister and I who find it emotional to be getting rid of her things but we just don't need them. What do I do with all of the albums of all of her travels around the world, they don't mean anything to me? Actually working on moms house has lead me to reconsider what things I am holding on to that my children will not want and have to get rid of........
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I had to do that too, as POA. Mom had to sign off on resigning as trustee and I had to have incapacity letters but they were sadly very easy to get. After I moved her to live near me she eventually asked about the house and I told her I had found a nice couple to move in and pay for all the upkeep and that was pretty OK with her...she was reassured by pictures that the yard was mowed and plants tended...she never had to entirely stop hoping she would go back, but she did think in terms of finding an apartment near me when she could walk again (which was not going to happen...she went into hospice and passed on.) She felt like the other couple "maybe pushed us out" but would not want to make THEM move out...made no sense really, but at that point it was OK. I found it the hardest thing emotionally that I had ever done, to set up an estate sale and sell my childhood home, to take Mom's world apart like that, and I just could not tell her and think it was for the best that I didn't.
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POA husband sold MIL's house, but with her knowledge. However, her dementia doesn't remember from one week to the next that it has been sold. She was even at the closing. She hadn't been back to the house in years and it needed to be sold, it would just deteriorate more. So I don't think it really would have changed things if your mom didn't know or did know at the time.
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We sold my mom's house in the spring. She could no longer live by herself and moved in with me in another state. I am her POA. She is unaware her house has been sold. It was very stressful for me to do this but I had the support of the family. The last time I took her back to her house she didn't know where she was and I saw no need to hold on to the property. Her property taxes were outrageous. Having the POA made it all possible but not easy! The lawyer decided he'd rather have Mom sign rather than use the POA....he had not seen Mom and had no idea just how bad she was. And being out of state also made it all harder. I am so glad it's all done. Very stressful for me....and yes, the guilt still bothers me sometimes.
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