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So, her argument is that you aren’t her BOSS. You can claim the same argument for yourself. She isn’t YOUR boss and ‘seniority’ means absolutely nothing in her favor.

My mom recently died in a hospice house with end stage Parkinson’s disease and mild dementia. I can’t imagine my mom not having been nearby.

This is your decision to make. Having your mom near you is not only for your benefit but also for your mom. Not to be disrespectful of your mom, but she needs your help more than you need her to be happy with your decision. You can live with her being dissatisfied, as unpleasant as it may be.

You are the one who will be called upon for decisions to be made. Her ‘friends’ don’t have any say in her care. For all you know, they won’t even visit her.

I hope things will work out as smoothly as they possibly can. Best wishes to you and your mom.
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Imho, for all intents and purposes, YOU are the one in control in this matter/the decision should be your's.
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Here's the deal. If your mom moves away, she will need to hire a Geriatric Care Manager to do the stuff you would be doing if she was in an AL or MC near you.

This is not optional. When she falls in AL and is transported to the ER, she will be there alone until the GCM gets there.

When she needs new clothes, toiletries, snacks, thr GCM will be doing those tasks.

When there are questions about her insurance, when she needs to see a specialist, the GCM will see to it.

In dementia, logic often flies out the window. In your mom's case, I would give her the choice of where she wants to be, but with a GCM if it's not near you.
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gladimhere Jun 2021
My thoughts exactly!
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Might be off topic in this situation, but I read these looking for help in my own situation, don't we all apply things to ourselves? It MAY apply - if moving from NJ to FL, could the reason be because of prolonged time stuck indoors because of snow and cold weather? That is what I am facing with my LO. I am not her guardian, but live in CA and my LO lives with a guardian in NJ. She is longing to leave. Won't go into more detail, but don't you think that should be included in the conversation? Unless one is in such a situation that it doesn't matter. We have little enough money that my LO spends long periods of time with no one around but her caregiver and little to do. Heartbreaking for me. Sending you all love and compassion.
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