Following my Mom's dementia diagnosis my siblings received a copy of her will. Mom's "truth" now depends on who she is with at the moment and is easily convinced to do something in complete conflict of her trust and/or last will. I have co-durable power of attorney and co-guardianship with my sister who has only now received a copy of Mom's last will. Mom did not want my sister or brother to have a copy of her will until she passed, knowing they would argue and bager her with her choices. They are now taking things from her home if the items have been bequeathed to someone and they do not agree it should go to that person. My sister has also moved a large amount of money from Mom's bank account to her own. Are these activities just unethical or are they crimes?
This is how I'd deal with it: I would contact my siblings & tell them that unless they return the tangible items, and unless your sister moves the money back into your mother's account within 24 hours, you are going to file a police report & report it to the lawyer that drafted your mother's will. You will proceed with filing charges against your sister for stealing money---depending on what state you live in & how much she moved, it could be a felony for grand larceny---and file charges against your other siblings for theft as well. That should be enough impetus for them to return the items & for your sister to return the money. If they don't return the items & your sister doesn't move the money back, proceed with pressing charges. You could file a civil lawsuit, but it would take a very long time to work its way through the courts. Criminal charges are far more intimidating & far quicker.
What I am a little confused about is why, if your sister is primary POA, she did not get a copy of your mother's will. If your mother trusted her with her financial matters to make her POA, it seems odd that she wouldn't get a copy of the will. Why would your mother make your sister POA if she didn't trust her? Perhaps you need to find out if the transfer of money was for a specific reason, not just because she wanted the money. Taking tangible items is just being greedy.
Does your mother live by herself, or is she in a long term care facility, assisted living or is one of your siblings taking care of her?
As to the family coming in like vultures and taking her property, that's theft. Pure and simple. I would change the locks on the doors (at mom's expense), install a house alarm, and have the service call the cops if someone came in.
Who was the jake who gave out copies of your mom's will? Jesus. What an insult to your mother. When she made up her last will and testament, she expected those involved to hold it private UNTIL SHE DIED.
What a sorry bunch.
In the course of discussion, that sibling insisted either of them could write checks without the other signing because the bank wouldn't check on the signatures. They denied the need to act jointly. I have a limited POA which covers virtually anything my Dad needs, and I'm the local one who also solely cares for him.
The bankers I spoke with would not recognize multiple POAs, and my Dad had wanted mine to be the only one for him all along.
Family friction resulted when I identified numerous family abuses and took measures to stop them.
You will need to take charge and go forward on the assumption that a diagnosis of dementia will not rule out that your mother will live a long time. Those years can be quality years for her and those who love her be they family, friends and people who you may not meet until further along in her illness who will care for her too.
Handle the theft of assets without letting familial baggage get in the way - a person who would loot their mother's bank account is unlikely to stop by to change her diapers or write a check for all the expenses that will pile up as you care for her. Handle the theft of possessions the same way and get these items returned or else. She deserves to be able to see, touch or own her property until the end. It is heartbreaking to know that items she may miss most have a story or history she knows about but her kids don't.
For your part you have a hard job will have to put aside emotions and remember that you are acting on your mom's behalf - and that it will be difficult and very painful if there is a rift in the family. I found this site and the support from other caregivers to be lifesavers for those days I was blue, drained or had a good day I wanted to share. Reading what others went through I learned so much and am still humbled that all of us on this site have created though our postings a place that is not family but still a comfort and place we can ask anything. I've laughed, cried and gained much wisdom in the years since I started caring - I hope you will stay on this site and wish you luck.
"they didn't take anything already bequeathed to them" and actually misread it to read that they didn't take anything not already bequeathed to them. The inference was my error.
I thought that statement clarified the statement in the post title.
Looks like I made a mistake. Jeanne, you're right. If the items weren't bequeathed and Mom didn't otherwise tell them they could have them, it was inappropriate to take them.
Too many "whoops" for today. Time to retire.
And these sibs are not taking their own inheritance -- they are taking things Mom had designated for others.
I'm glad you corrected the situation and hope for your sake that your siblings have learned a lesson and don't repeat their inappropriate behavior.
This must be very distressing to see such behavior.
I think they've given you a glimpse of what their attitudes are, that they couldn't wait for your mother's death to begin taking what they would inherit.
It's a sad situation, no question, and I can understand your hurt. I experienced something similar when my sister died. It was a real shock and wake-up call. I try to think in retrospect though that I now know what will happen when my father dies, so I have advance notice on how to prepare for and deal with it.
Try thinking of yourself not as a daughter but as someone who's handling your mother's affairs as a professional; make the connection dispassionate, view your siblings as heirs and not siblings. Distance yourself from them emotionally, don't think about them or worry about them. They're going to pursue their own interests regardless. Concentrate on providing and getting quality time with your mother.
Sorry it has to be this way; sometimes families can really be a disappointment.
Lisa, it sounds as if the attorney breached the requests of your mother to have her Will remain confidential.
Still, I don't think it's unusual for the proposed Trustees to be provided with copies of the Trust prior to death, as often one or more of the Trustees accompanies the parent to the legal planning sessions and execution and leaves with conformed copies of the documentation.
I'm going to suggest consideration of an alternate plan than pressing conversion charges against your siblings. But first, how much property has been converted? Was it real property, personal possessions, or financial property?
If it's a matter of taking some furniture, dishes, or things like that, you might want to balance the potential rewards of recover against the aggravation you and your mother will face and ask if it's worth it to go through that when you're both already stressed.
If it's a matter of property or financial converion, and pilfering of your mother's assets, that's a different story.
In the meantime, you might ask the attorney if you have the authority to change the locks on your mother's house to prevent any further "conversion."
This is a sad situation. I wish I could offer some condolences. It's unfortunate how people don't come together at times when they really should.
And we really need an edit and delete function for our posts.
After reading the first paragraph over again and again, I now question my interpretion, so I'm deleting these conclusions:
"So it appears as though a "non statutory" "long form" POA is required in order to name more than one holder, under this particular statutory section.
However, I didn't check out Articles III or IV as referenced in (a) above. There may be other restrictions in those sections."
Sorry.
"ESTATES
(755 ILCS 45/) Illinois Power of Attorney Act.
(755 ILCS 45/2-10.5)
Sec. 2-10.5. Co-agents.
(a) Co-agents may not be named by a principal in a statutory short form power of attorney for property under Article III or a statutory short form power of attorney for health care under Article IV. In the event that co-agents are named in any other form of power of attorney, then the provisions of this Section shall govern the use and acceptance of co-agency designations.
(b) Unless the power of attorney or this Section otherwise provides, authority granted to 2 or more co-agents is exercisable only by their majority consent. However, if prompt action is required to accomplish the purposes of the power of attorney or to avoid irreparable injury to the principal's interests and an agent is unavailable because of absence, illness, or other temporary incapacity, the other agent or agents may act for the principal."
http://www.ilga.gov/legislation/ilcs/ilcs4.asp?ActID=2113&ChapterID=60&SeqStart=1600000&SeqEnd=2100000
So it appears as though a "non statutory" "long form" POA is required in order to name more than one holder, under this particular statutory section.
However, I didn't check out Articles III or IV as referenced in (a) above. There may be other restrictions in those sections.
Further, majority consent is required except under exigent circumstances. Interesting.
These excerpts illustrate why these kinds of granting documents need to be prepared by attorneys, and not from on-line sites. If there are other restrictions under different articles, there may be invalidation clauses or other issues raised that could interfere with someone's use of his/her powers at a critical time.
Qualifications: I haven't checked any case law to determine if there are interpretations of this statute.
It's interesting that I never had any trouble with banks, other than with the equity line application issues and then I just eliminated them and moved on to another bank.
But yes, I can understand the difficulty of dealing with two people, especially if they don't agree.
I haven't checked to determine if co-authority is authorized in Michigan and not in Illinois, but I might, just out of curiosity.
"I ... hereby appoint the survivors or survivor of [Garden Artist] and [Garden Artist's sister] my true and lawful co-attorneys or attorney, as the case may be ....
"The signature of either of the co-attorneys shall be sufficient for the exercise of any power reserved to the attorney [person granting the power of attorney] under this Durable Power of Attorney."
Since there have been questions on the POA and guardianship issues, I checked mine and was surprised to realize that the one drafted along with the Will, Trust and ancillary documents also contains an appointment of guardianship, which I had thought had to be obtained through a court proceeding.
(Can I plead ignorance since I haven't had to use these documents for several years and because I didn't expect that guardianship would be an issue, given the number of successor attorneys and trustees identified in Dad's dox??)
My father's DPOA has this clause (which follows a listing of the powers granted under the DPOA):
"In the event such appointment shall be required, I nominate and appoint the person named above as my attorney to act as guardian of and as conservator over my estate."
(It should actually have identified both co-holders.)
I didn't even realize there was that guardianship/conservatorship appointment clause. I don't anticipate any challenge, but I'm thinking if someone ever did, that clause should squelch any challenges.
I'm wondering now though if others here who are guardians are recipients of DPOAs with guardianship appointments.
I know Pam Stegman holds a guardianship for her sister but don't know of others who might.
I could see it happening cooperatively...but Jeeze, it's hard enough to get banks to honor ONE. Ha! ;)
My father and I held the power jointly for my sister, and my sister and I held the power jointly for my father.
I also am co-PR under the Will and Co-Trustee under the Living Trustss.
I think it's the title that seems odd, but sharing the power and responsibilities certainly isn't.
As to a Co-guardianship, I do believe I worked on a case in which that was the case - an attorney and probably an accountant, but that would have been over 10 years ago and I don't remember all the specifics.
Actually, there is some benefit because like the governmental balance of powers, the two holders will need work together, and will THEORETICALLY help to ensure that the terms of the authority are met and/or that neither mishandles the authority.
But as we've seen here, it can also mean that there can still be friction within the family.
Is that about the size of it?
Depleting Mom's assets while she is still alive may make it harder for her to meet her own care needs and if she needs to apply for Medicaid this might be considered "gifting" and result in penalties. So it isn't just about cheating CousinY out of a future inheritance, it is harming Mom now.
As her guardian you have a responsibility to protect her financial interests. If a serious heart-to-heart with your siblings cannot resolve this in Mom's best interests, you need to take legal action.