Sis is helping out a bit more regarding taking mom to the doctors office which is a great help to me. She said that she has been feeling so guilty so thats why she is doing it. She and her husband are still very nasty to me. So last year they said at Christmas that this will be their last Christmas up here with mom and me as they want to start spending the holidays with her husbands family and grandchildren. We were all relieved about this. So I asked my ex-husband if he would like to come over this year and he said yes. Prior to this year my sis said that if he was coming they would not be here and of course mom wanted sis which makes sense. Anyway so yesterday they were up here and stated that they were going to be coming up for Thanksgiving this year and I was shocked and said why? BIL son is having 20 plus people over there and they do not want to go now so because they have no where else to go they want to come here. I told her my ex was coming and she says oh thats ok. Then I told her I would have to talk to my sons who do not speak to her after all the bad behavior that she put us all through over the last year. She has been doing this to me my whole life and frankly I do not want them here at all. I told her I have to talk to my sons because it is up to them, its either her or them and if they won't come then I will cook dinner at my kids house. She said oh I will buy the turkey. Really? Then she says after all I have done for those kids I will just cut them out of my will. (its always about money and has been) I said well you already cut out my younger son months ago because he was sticking up for me and mom. As far as I am concerned she has burned all her bridges with my family and there is no amount of money that can change this. So here I was looking forward to a peaceful holiday and now I am not sure what the boys will say as its up to them. I will tell them I do not want her here but if they say its ok then I will try once again to make peace. Any advice?
We were glad we did what we did. It set us free thereafter.
Sis, My family is going to celebrate Thanksgiving according to our original plan, which was made before you expressed an interest in coming. I know this will disappoint you since you were hoping to join us, but that is not going to work out. There are many restaurants where you can celebrate so I know you won't go hungry. - me
Don't do anything out of FEAR OBLIGATION or GUILT: FOG. Don't give reasons, don't give excuses, just say NO. Go about your life.
I would be insulted that she brought up her will. That would be enough to have her banned from my house.
Can't tell if your sister is having a change of heart and wants to make up for her bad years by being nice?? but i know so many that do Christmas and/or Easter twice...
I think ba8alou has a good idea. You should be with your sons....as to the Will.
I look at if i ever get anything it's a "blessing", and i don't expect anything from my dad. If he uses it all up, that's why he saved his monies. (my dad is age 97) , my siblings are wonderful (not perfect, but wonderful), ...but totally take inheritance out...expect nothing, and you can see more clearly what to do.....
You do not have to give a reason....If she calls and demands one, you could say, "Let me get this straight...you want a reason for us to not have you come on the holiday, right?" She answers, "Absolutely." You answer, "I understand what you want." Then change the subject and refuse to revisit it..
The feeling of self empowerment is worth it to me.