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Hi,it happens but we find a way to Agee to disagree about anything, my faith has made me strong to overlook misunderstandings with my sibs,I let it go and one day things did turn around..I have to live and let live😃.Meantime keep yourself busy by helping someone else it's rewarding.
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imout01 Jan 2022
Or help yourself. That can be rewarding, too, if you feel you’ve spent time, wasting your life with a narcissistic family. Pick up a hobby or long lost interest, that provides you with psychological and emotional income.
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You have no way of knowing whether this sister will or won't read a letter you write to her. So I'd go ahead and write her a letter opening up my heart and spilling out my thoughts onto paper. Then post the letter and go about your life. Whether she reads it or not is out of your hands. Once you put it in the mailbox, then you've taken the last step towards fixing what appears to be a broken relationship.

You may have not done enough for your parents in their final days, in your sister's opinion, and now she's angry with you. You can't change another person's opinion of you, that's a fact. But you CAN choose to know that you did what you could do for your parents, and then move on with your own life.

I will be 65 years old in July and I have no siblings but one half-sister I met in 2000 (long story) who I barely keep in touch with. We on a public forum cannot possibly know what has gone wrong in your life with your sister; you yourself may have an inkling but if not, try to stop dwelling on it. You've apologized and sent flowers, so now the ball is in HER court, should she decide to play once more.

If not, try to forge ahead with your own life which should not be contingent on what your sister does or does not do. Sign up with an online dating service and go out and have some FUN! In many ways, life begins at 65 so go figure out how to make YOU happy!

Wishing you the best of luck carving out your own life now~!
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Seems you never should have steeped into the dynamics between your sisters and your parents. That was their relationship to figure out and should not have included you trying to step in. Send your sister an apology for doing so and then accept her choice to live as she wishes. You really don’t need or want a relationship with someone who doesn’t feel the same. Time to build a new circle of people from social groups, senior centers, volunteering, and church. I wish you peace as you move forward
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dynorod Dec 2021
Already apologised numerous times. Sister wouldn't let me anywhere near mum in her final years. She also wouldn't let my other sister near mum. Mum was also cut off by sister to all her other relations e.g her cousins or siblings ( my aunt/uncle)
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Hi! It’s worse when it’s your own daughter. If you can’t understand, and they won’t explain, you really do have to let it go. Perhaps the reason they won’t explain is because they know it doesn’t stand up. Work hard on making your own life as enjoyable as you can. By the way, it was Greta Garbo who ‘wanted to be alone’. Mae West was more ‘come up and see me sometime’. Sis does the Greta Garbo, you need to do the Mae West!
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"It's so hard to accept that my sister doesn't love or want me except when it suits her"

Your sister is a user. When she needs something from you, she will be all lovey. It's not you. You have to realize this is her and not let yourself get sucked in. Maybe the reason she took Mom in was because she may get something out of caring for her.

You are now 65 with your own health problems. Every cent you have you will need for YOUR future. YOU are responsible for that future. Don't expect someone to care for you. You need to plan for when u get older.
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dynorod Dec 2021
That strikes a note! Sister contacted me after mum died because apparently I'm the executor of mums will. Other sister reckons sister has been trying to forge my signature but I dismissed this as just catiness on my other sister's part. Sister has been trying to control the probate. What a mess!
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The past us gone now, and nothing can be done about it. Your Sister has chosen to move on and away from you. There is, quite honestly, nothing to be done about that other than to say it makes you sad, and you hope she will contact you in future. Then I would go on with my own mental health issues and healing. You will form a community around you in that manner, going on and making friends and "family" of a sort that treasures you, and who can identify with you. There are many forms of group therapy in which people can provide emotional support and understanding with one another, a community. Check with your own therapist about opportunities such as this.
Wish your sister goodspeed in getting on with her own life, and get on with yours. Many don't have family. Many have family that is more a trial and a burden than a gift. I wish you the very best moving forward and hope that your new year is a first step toward a productive, happier life for yourself.
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I think it has been a pattern throughout your sister's lives to cut off family when they become inconvenient, it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with something you have done. My sister is a decade older than I am and my reality is that she will possibly not be there for me when I'm in my later years, I am also single and childless. I think the best we can do for ourselves is to plan for the inevitability of the lack of family supports in our old age, you must periodically weigh your desire to remain where you are with your physical, emotional and mental health needs.
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dynorod Dec 2021
It's so hard to accept that my sister doesn't love or want me except when it suits her
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I'm sorry for your loss. We don't get to pick our family but we do get to pick our friends. This is what I would concentrate on -- finding qualify friends.
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Dear dynorod,

I'm sorry you feel so hurt by your sister's actions. Families are so hard. I'm the oldest of four sisters. I too was the main caregiver to my parents. I know it's hard when the lines of communications are not open. But maybe your sister does feel a lot of anger and resentment about being the primary caregiver to your mum in her final years.

If you want you can write her a letter or hopefully your other sisters will help mend the relationships. Take your time and maybe consider talking to a grief counsellor, family therapist or joining a support group or other community groups for support.

I know we all long for family closeness and togetherness but sometimes we cannot achieve that on our own. Give your sister time and maybe she will come around.

Thinking of you.
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dynorod Dec 2021
No point writing a letter she doesn't read them or reply.
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Hey OP. No means no. Does it mean the no is fair? No. Does it mean that it'll change soon or ever? Not necessarily.

I advise you to cultivate peers and others that you see as sort of family. It may not be "family" in the way your sister biologically is, but she has said no to social connection--which you can cultivate otherwise.
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dynorod Dec 2021
Sister got Covid recently and then all of a sudden she started messaging me as though she had never cut me off. Now she's gone back to 'I want to follow my own path' thing and don't bother me. I feel 'gaslighted' by her as well.

She cut off mum/dad about 10 years ago and I had to be the main caregiver during this time as our parents were so upset and crying a lot. Then she got back in contact when she needed money and her son was taking hard drugs.

Each of us as sisters has stepped up to help mum/dad but younger sister is acting like a martyr and says she doesn't want to communicate ever again. Then out of the blue she opens up dialogue again ( she had Covid) but communication was short lived. It is so confusing.
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