My mother gets the majority of her prescribed meds from a mail order pharmacy. I refill her meds online, but my sister (who does not use a computer) places them in a sorter for each week. (My sister and I share co-durable power of attorney and co-guardian for our mother.) The online pharmacy sends me messages saying it is past time to refill meds. I ask my sister and she tells me Mom still has more than 2 weeks supply. I've spoken to an account rep with the pharmacy and she explained if Mom was taking the meds as prescribed she should already be out of them. Also, when we go to the doctor and they review her meds, my sister will tell them she isn't taking this or that any longer. I know the doctor hasn't stopped the meds so when I ask her when and why this has happened she has her own reasons why Mom no longer needs the meds. SHE has decided when and if Mom continues medicine. As an example, Mom was getting up to go to the bathroom 5 or 6 times a night. We went to a Urologist and he prescribed her medicine. She took this med for 4 weeks and then my sister stopped putting it in her sorter because she had quit getting up several times a night. SHE QUIT GETTING UP SO MUCH BECAUSE THE MEDICINE WORKED! Finally, last year we spent 9 months and saw several doctors trying to find the reason for Mom's groin pain. During that time she was prescribed over 300 hydrocodone and, time and again, doctors would explain they really didn't care if she became addicted to the pain pills at 90 years old as long as it addressed the pain. Mom would call me crying with pain and I would ask where her pain meds were and she didn't have any. I would then call my sister and she said when Mom called her and "was in enough pain or crying" then she would tell her where she had hidden a pain pill somewhere in her house, but she was NOT going to leave the entire bottle with her. During the nine months we spent trying everything to find the reason for the pain, she was prescribed over 300 hydrocodone, but took less than 2 dozen. When we are in the doctor's office my sister tells a completely different story then what she has previously shared with me. I can't seem to get anyone concerned about this. I convinced Mom's doctor she needed home health care to see her each day and dispense her meds. The doctor prescribed the home health care, but my sister and mother met with them (without me) and convinced them that Mom only needed them once a week so my sister continues to control her meds. Am I over reacting? My sister claims I am only upset because I don't have control, but I've searched in my heart and do not believe this is correct. I am genuinely concerned that Mom is not getting the medicine she has been prescribed and my sister is playing doctor. I've shared this with at least 3 physicians. They look at us with impatience and give a little speech about their instructions being followed, but there is no follow through. My husband is livid and claims I am not protecting my Mom. My sister and I already have so many conflicts in caring for Mom I must choose my battles. I think this is a biggie, but no one else seems to share my opinion (except for hubby). Am I over-reacting? Any advice?
Time to call Adult Protective Services. Advise the physicians you are doing this. Their documentation of medication concerns plus your documentation of meds not being given may help get a case founded.
If you can allow your mom to be in great pain without her pain medication, then you're not doing the right thing. Enough already. If you can, begin administering her medicine. You set up the box. You hand it to her. YOU "hide" the pain medication (I don't necessarily disagree with that strategy...it's potentially deadly.) Tell mom to call YOU when she's in pain, Check in with her twice a day on the phone and ask her.
Are you willing to take over care-giving for your mom? If so, take it over. If not, keep reporting your sister to social services. Don't stop. Become the fly in their ointment; their dreaded morning call. Whatever.
I'm glad I don't have siblings, sad to say.