My mother moved into my home 5 years ago, but recently I had to place her in a nursing home. My brothers and sisters, who were not very supportive of me, believed that she should have been in a nursing home years ago. I now have a room full of her furniture and boxes and boxes of knick-knacks, photo albums and holiday decor stored in the basement. Walking past her room every day saddens me tremendously and I would like to heal from the past traumas. I had suggested to my brothers and sisters that I would like to invite them all down to take whatever they wanted from my mother's possessions. Some liked the idea. Others seemed apalled at the notion. While I understand some are uncomfortable with the idea, should I really wait until she dies to give away her possessions to family members? By the way, there is nothing of monetary value involved. It is all used furnishings and items of sentimental value. How have others handled this?
As for the "stuff" I am the practical sort. If your mother is aware of her surroundings, you should ask her if there are a few things she would like to keep. If not, you should choose a few special items for yourself, invite others to do the same, then call a charitable organization, make a list of donated items, and keep the receipt for tax purposes.
When my Mom sold her home, I organized a yard sale and got rid of years of accumulation (and she isn't even a "pack rat.") She then used the proceeds from the sale to buy a few new pieces of furniture for her new apartment. It gave her a fresh start.
If hanging on to items makes you sad, it is time to let go of them. Your memories are your treasures. Blessings to you.
Lilli
I dont know what your moms mental state is, but regardless, ask her first!
My mom has been making a list of what goes to who. Pretty much, my brother doesnt want anything and anything I dont want will then go to my aunt. Its different for everyone. Does your mom have a will? Theres that factor.
If your mom has been placed in a facility--Just what is her mental state of mind? If she is lucid?. Do you think that some of the posessions left behind would possibly be of comfort to her? I had to go thru this ordeal with my own Mom as well-and was advised what to bring to her, and what to leave behind.
The fact that there are other siblings/family members, or even good friends-perhaps can be helpful to unload things is A+.. You may also want to ask the facility as well, as they may be in need of something...I gave the NH my Mom was at - quite a few of her belongings.
It is understandable that you want them out of your home, as it can become difficult for you just to see them. If some of the family member do not understand--they should try walking in your shoes...
You will know-if it is too soon or not, by your Mom's health condition, and if in doubt, just hold on to it a while longer.
Good Luck!
Hap
Virtual Candles of honor or memory-can be found by going to alzheimer's Association. Org....
My FIL has a lot of stuff at his house. Once he is either moved to a NH or has died, we will have to go through all of his remaining belongings. I fear that this will cause strife.
He has already been offering items to family members, but we are hesitant to accept them, since he may have also offered them to others in the past, who may insist on claiming them. EX: My FIL offered me some earrings that belonged to my departed MIL, but I decided to wait. Later, I mentioned this to my DH's sister, who then insisted that her father had promised them to her, years ago.
My FIL has dementia and and only his house and financial holdings are mentioned/divided in his will. Heirlooms and "antiques" are not listed specifically. While my FIL has no problems with discussions about this (or death/dying) - my DH and his siblings, as well as one of the spouses do not feel comfortable talking about this with him.
I can imagine that there will be fights over certain items.
Hopefully some of you won't have this much trouble.....
I agree with most of the comments here. If your family does not claim items within a timely manner and you have gone through them yourself to choose a few things, call a local charity that accepts donations and have them pick up the leftovers.
Been there/done that.
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