Stuck on an obsessive loop state. How do you deal with it?
My dad is in an AL MC. He goes into these obsessive compulsive bouts and does not let it go, until he finds something else to obsess about, ideas? Suggestions? Anything reasonable I am willing to try. Examples: about 3 - 4 months ago it was jeans. He is outgrowing his jeans and needed new ones, we bought him (no exaggeration here a total of 14 different pairs of jeans all of them had to be returned because he wanted 36 x 30 jeans (current size which are too tight). Then it was drivers license (canceled by Dr in another stated). Now he is calling my attorney because he must change his will. He has a will signed by him and mom prior to her death 5 years ago. After my mom’s death we did go to an attorney and drafted a new will which was never signed, then his health declined and now he is unable to change, my attorney called me today saying my father called her office 4 times today. The point is does anyone else deal with these hyper focused situations and how do you deal with it?
Any ideas are welcomed
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I finally sat down with her and talked about what she wanted to do with her money. What charities did she want to help and why. We discussed how much she was paying her caregivers and how the cost of living had gone up - you can't feed a family of 5 on $25.00 a week anymore. We talked a lot, and I arranged to make some reasonable donations to a couple of charities. When she felt like I had really listened to her and was doing as she wanted, she stopped bringing it up. I think a lot of my mom's obsessing was feeling like people weren't taking her seriously.
I did take her financial advisor's number off her phone and hid her phone books just in case, but we got her pretty well trained to ask me to implement everything she wanted to do.
And now my mom's dementia has progressed so we don't have that problem any more.
* Keep him preoccupied / attention diverted to something that will hold his interest (i.e., magazine specializing in art, antiques, fishing ???) -
* Do NOT engage in buying 14 pair of jeans. Get what he needs and stop. You are buying into dementia behavior. You need to take control of the situation.
* Sometimes you need to ignore or change subject immediately. "We'll talk later, I'm doing the laundry now... "
* If possible, change MD phone # - if Dad won't be able to get the correct one elsewhere (give him the phone # of the weather or something where there is a recording.
* Get him a new phone and program it.
* Seems like an attorney will need to determine, along with MD input, what is legal and what can be done.
Get the size of clothing that will fit, elastic is your friend and change the size tags or just cut them out completely. You can buy some at the thrift store at 1st to establish the perfect size with wiggle room.
Oh dad, do you not remember that you took care of that new will last week with myself and your attorney? I would tell the attorney to have his receptionist tell your dad that the attorney is unavailable and you deal with dad. Those phone calls can get expensive.
I found that some things are just better when you tell them what they want to hear, regardless of the reality. Calming their concerns is what is important.
Best of luck finding the right words to help with the current fixation.
Also after struggling with his obsessions for a long time we asked his doctor for help. He was prescribed Prozac and it helped bring the urgency and insistence down a notch. Maybe that would help your dad. I know what you are going through, it’s a tedious ride, just hang in there!
Turn on soft music - favorite songs, songs from his youth and your youth, happy times of his life. See if you can get him to sing along.
Watching golf on TV is very relaxing. What kids of shows did he like best? You could also put in a “happy” old movie. My dad liked the Lawrence Welk television show, so I bought the complete DVD collection, and putting on that show would soothe his nerves. Avoid the news if it makes him anxious.
As far as the jeans, most are scratchy and uncomfortable. Bring some ultra soft sweatpants. Make sure they are soft on the inside too. If he really loves jeans, just bring 2 pairs that fit so he isn’t so overwhelmed. Leave them both. Trying on more than ten pairs is exhausting for anyone, frustrating and even physically painful if he’s gained weight and they are tight.
When conversation reverts to obsessive topics, redirect. Make a list of conversation topics that make his eyes sparkle. Even with a fading memory, long ago childhood memories might still be vibrant. You may want to know everything about his childhood someday and you won’t be able to ask. what was his first job? What is his advice for a happy life? What funny stories can he tell you about his childhood? If this frustrates him, tell him fun stories from your childhood where he was your hero.
Dont forget to hug him, tell him you love him and how important he is to you.
Ask him for advice. Keep his memory and brain as active as possible.
Play simple games or work puzzles if he is able and engaged. These are both calming and therapeutic.
Buy clothes in the size that will fit him, and tell him that the size tags were incorrectly marked and you got a nice discount.
It sounds as though there’s some kind of anxiety operating at some level.
Has he been seen by a geriatric behaviorist? A specialist might be able to zero in on management tools, including specific medications or combinations of medications, possibly more precisely than a GP. A psychiatrist made a world of difference in my LO’s life.
what medication is you LO on that is working?
The combination of meds ISN’T working. We are in a pickle!
I am currently waiting for the 6 weeks to pass to ask for another change.
Gaaaaaah!
The geriatric psychiatrist, nor her GP, have found a good medicine combo that works, so far.
NOTHING distracts her, for more than 5 minutes. She has LOVELY caregivers, nurses, Hospice/Palliative Care Aides, all who do their best to try, though.
Best wishes.
Have you watched Teepa Snow's videos on dealing with dementia patients? You might pick up some good pointers there.