Let me start with I am 15 years old. For the past 7 months I have been taking care of my recently disabled mother. In July my mom got diagnosed with a rare auto immune disorder that rendered her arms and legs (practically) completely useless. I couldn't leave her home alone and had to drop out of school to take care of her, she's a diabetic with a very bad pressure ulcer and I kept coming home to the house trashed from her trying to make herself food and falling so it was clear I needed to be home more. The doctors have her on a ton of steroids and a recovery time of at least 2 years and a full recovery is not promised I started online classes but we couldn't pay for it once she was forced to leave her job and we're currently waiting on her disability check. Anyway, I'm now in night school and my online credits couldn't be transferred so I now have to take summer school as well. I'm so physically and emotionally exhausted, I now drive her everywhere, I do all grocery shopping, cleaning, cooking, all important calls to doctors and lawyers, I even have to cut up her meat for her.
Everyone tells me that I'm so brave and such a good person but I don't want to be anymore!! My mom refuses to get a home health nurse, it makes her feel uncomfortable, and also doesn't want to go to assisted living though it has been offered to her on several occasions. We have no family here, so I'm doing this myself, I have no friends, no one to talk to about any of this. She also takes her anger out on me, she's shoved me, rammed her walker into my legs, yells at me all the time about all the things I do wrong. I just don't want to do this anymore. We plan to move closer to family later this year, her health permitting but I know its still going to fall on me. I feel like im honestly taking care of a toddler, when she's angry she throws her drinks and screams and cries and I know it's mostly because she's angry at her illness and not me but I can't take it.
I'm also scared for my future, I want to go to the university of Miami, its my dream school, but this summer school is really going to set me back and I'm scared that my mom won't be better in time for me to go to college. She's even asked me to consider online classes during college so I can stay home and take care of her. I'm scared that this is all my life will ever be, taking care of my mother until she dies. I get these sick thoughts that I wish she would die just so I wouldn't deal with this pressure and her tantrums and I would actually have a life again. I WOULD NEVER HURT HER OR GIVE HER SECOND RATE CARE THOUGH. Just saying. I cry almost every night and I just want to scream at her that I'm trying my best but I'm just 15. I only have my license because she's disabled, I'm not old enough to get a job. I feel like I'm 30 years old with a baby, I have to feed her, dress her, help her go to the bathroom. I do everything and it all happened so quickly my head is spinning. Its not even like I can take a break, I have no friends to unwind with and no one to leave my mom with.
There isn't much on the internet for kids like me taking care of sick parents so I figured I'd post here for advice and help and for someone to just tell me it's going to be okay i guess. And please don't suggest I talk to her about it, I've tried and she ended up guilt tripping me on how much worse she has it. Thank you for listening to my rant and I appreciate any words of wisdom you could give me.
I'm hesitant to say much about site features, since we are now facing lots of new features and I LOVE IT, but, I do wish that the old threads were placed in an ARCHIVE file and actually say ARCHIVE once they are over a year old that is in a brightly colored caption. There needs to be a way to alert people that it's an old situation that happened years ago and the person needing suggestions has likely moved on from that situation. People are thoughtful and spend a lot of time thinking and writing their responses. It seems unfair for them to do all that for something that is no longer relevant.
And how are these old thread found? I never see them unless someone else revives them. WHERE do they find them?
800 843 6154. Tell them you need a social worker. They will forward your call to appropriate agency. Now, you must learn to accept help which means you will not be in complete control anymore. I know that sounds scary, but it is necessary.
As mature as you sound you should not be forced to grow up in an instant. You have not experienced your own independence yet and here you are with a dependent. Your lack of life experience makes it so much easier to guilt you into doing her bidding. None of this is your fault but you are paying a high price for it. At 15 you are still developing mind & body. You need room to grow and time to have the experiences that shape all of us. The stress that you are under will affect you more in certain areas because you are still developing.
I believe there is a duty to care for our parents but only to the best of our abilities, not our demise.
I feel for your mother who is suffering with an affliction that is not her fault and beyond her control but this situation is also beyond your control. That is the only thing that calling APS says about you. It doesn't mean you don't love her, care about her, worry about her, or want the best for her. You are not selfish or unfeeling. It is quite simply beyond your abilities and control. There's no shame or guilt in that. You tried and are still trying, more than some adults I know. Be proud of that. I think maybe if your mom wasn't suffering she'd be proud of you too.
If you are able to put the same efforts back into your schooling and whatever else your dreams may be, you'll go far. Then you'll be in a position to really help your mom.
Bottom line: call for help now.
Good Luck!
Please take care of yourself. Especially your mental health. I haven't read through the comments to see if there is an update but I'm so sorry you are/were in this situation.
Something was clearly not right with the original post other wise we would have heard from her again. If she has not come back there is no way we can help her so its leave this thread alone.