The new stress; What to do when caregiving instantly stops after 8yrs?

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The new stress; What to do when caregiving instantly stops after 8yrs?

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The last 30 months in home hospice with no help from absent now vulture sibs..

Care Decisions Family Caregiver Siblings Stress

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Selfless,
There's more going on here than just your "vulture" siblings. You need time to grieve and to heal yourself! You spent 15+ years caring for your parents (at the expense of your own self), and now that it is over, you have no idea what to do. Allow yourself the time to grieve, but then search within yourself for a new purpose. I applaud you for your sacrifices, but now it's time to be your own caregiver!

When your mom passed away, your POA ended, so I'm glad your mom had a trust and will set up. You can and should keep in touch with your mother's lawyer, but let him/her deal with your siblings.

All the best!

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Neat about the Dum Dums. It makes sense.

You will hear lots of stories on this site where no one helps until they hear a parent is dying and then they pounce. TG my brothers, nor their wives chose to tell me what I should or shouldn't do. Mom had nothing so there was really no inheritance.

Most married couples wills are what yours is mine. So ur Dad died first so everything went to Mom. No Probate is needed unless he left other provisions. And I think Mom could have carried them out. Probate does not always need to be done.

Now Mom, she needed to draw a new will. And in that will she can do anything she wants but the lawyer should have advised her to leave something to each child. Even if it was a $1.00. Or say "I have chose to leave my complete estate to my daughter Selfless because of the loving care and sacrifices she has made for me. I choose not to leave anything to my remaining children A, B and C because they chose not to be in my life" In doing that A, B, C have been mentioned and reason given.

Hopefully, you will have a lawyer to help u thru Probate. If your siblings have problems with the will, they can contact your lawyer. They will be advised of probate and will have access to the will. You don't need to have anything to do with them. Everything is done by mail.

It always gets me that its OK for one sibling to carry the load of caring for a parent, giving up their lives and sometimes lively hoods but when it comes to inheritance, the other siblings are right their with their hands out.

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But but I will say the isolation after mom's passing is horrifying I have no friends I have no money my house is in foreclosure I'm a very strong person this caregiving took me to the limits it's like running a 26k and you get to the end and they move it another 26k and they keep moving it and moving it. And now all I get is text from my brother's at all hours who was the attorney that did this and who was attorney that did that for Mom and Dad. I talked to Mom's attorney and he sent out a copy of the trust in the new will but they keep asking and texting it just goes from one stress of caregiving to the stress of dealing with my brothers it's sad to say when my mom passed I did feel relieved for her that she's finally with my dad I felt a sense of accomplishment that I kept them both out of nursing homes which they completely were scared of and then later on I sense that I don't have to be connected to my brother's anymore.
Also also besides the POA and the trust my parents left me a notarized care contract which I never exercised and never remembered about having it and when I took 10 months off of work with no income whatsoever my mom had an annuity that I did cash in it was small but I think I wrote myself a total of $6,000 for 10 months of work 24/7 caregiving which I included on my taxes I'm just having a really sad day today and I wanted so much for my brother's to be there to help me with Mom I'm just really mad at them they just disrespected my mom and I do believe that the second wife syndrome I call it and the fact that my brother's don't have spines

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I was typing my response when my phone rang so didn't see this response until I came back.

So sorry about ur brother/s. Do u have a cell, then put it on "Do not disturb". You should have options. Only friends ring thru, only contacts, or none. I set mine for none at night. I am not an early riser, my friend is. If I don't set it to "none" I can hear the ding.

You can take brother out of contacts and he won't ring thru.

I would do everything between u and brother thru the lawyer. Document as much as u can. How much Mom brought in. How much u brought in and approx where the money went. Don't need to be exact but maybe the last 10 months if thats the reason for the foreclosure.

My SIL always had these Big ideas. But, I was the one expected to carry them out. I didn't want to. Not because I couldn't afford to carry them out but because it was assumed I could. And not that I wasn't reimbursed but it was a longtime coming.

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Need more details.

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Lot of lot of people wonder why my mom live so long with hospice being here for nearly thirty months and the truth of the matter is when she started sundowning and making her noises instead of Remeron I found it a lollipops Dum Dum sucker with take away the sundowning symptoms and as it progressed it kept her swallowing muscles intact and all of her muscles were gone at the time of her death she was contracted severely however she could still swallow and use a straw up until maybe a week or two before she passed away she was getting boost and ensures instead of just pureed food. The lollipops were amazing so much so that Dum Dums Corporation Spangler they sent her 60 lb of lollipops one time and if anybody would like to see a video how that works with my mom I have a short video on my phone showing how the lollipops helps her and swallowing and keeping her swallowing muscles good

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Filling in the gaps, it sounds as though all at once you have to deal with:

loss of the person you cared for, or else that person's move into a nursing home and all of the emotions around that decision

the existential crisis that goes with being made absolutely and totally redundant

and vulture sibs - they're taking a keen interest in heirlooms all of a sudden, are they, strong sense of family now that there's no actual work involved?

But Alva is right - we can't really offer any very helpful replies without a clearer idea of what's happened. Do you feel like saying more?

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Can you give us a little more information as to what happened so that you are facing this new stress and what your sibs are like? I am guessing that your mother passed and sibs are now after what they can get I am just finishing up the job of executrix for my mother's estate. She passed just over a year ago. My one sib had always focused on what she could get and has not only not helped, but criticized what I was doing as POA. Once mother passed I gave the management of the finances to mothers old lawyer as I did not want to deal with my sib. As the estate is nearly settled I am going no contact with my sib. There have been life long issues which affected me negatively. I kept up some interests during the years mother declined and am expanding them.

You need to look after yourself. Can you tell us more about yourself and your situation?

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I think without details no one would be able to answer this vague question for you. I hope you can give us details and wish you good luck. I think that hospice will not continue caring for a patient after 30 months and am very surprised that they have done that long.

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Yes yes my mom was on in home hospice for nearly 30 months quite a long time she did not die from infections or anything she just took dementia s to the Limit and she weighed only 60 lb and to see her decline that way it was very heart-wrenching. And she died last week the 6th of December she was taken to the hospice house I was told that if she remained in her the house I would be her nurse until her last breath and that I would have to administer the meds that she might need which they could do at the hospice house anyways she was there for 10 days without water or urine output. 20 months ago I had three stents put in my heart and if it wasn't for hospice watching my mom for respite I could not have went and then three months ago I had three more stents put in for a total of 6 stents in the. Of less than 20 months so yes caregiving is brutal and don't let anybody tell you that it isn't
Now to now to my worthless older siblings when dad passed away 8 years ago my brother's realized that I was the POA for both health and Financial they refuse to help me with Mom my oldest siblings wife says no one wants to help you because all all the estate should have been put in Probate when my dad passed away but all along they would say they did not want anything they were just being nosey but my mom always was silent with my brothers when they asked about financial things she would just say none of your business as my dad would say yes I am the youngest I had a closer relationship with my parents I appreciate it things they did a lot more than my siblings did and I always always there to help my parents no matter what my dad was 93 1/2 when he died I was living out of state and and just left my house and came to help but he passed away two months later. My brothers came to my dad's funeral but left basically the next day or early morning and there it was me and my mom both all alone the love of her life for 70 years just passed away she didn't drive a car and my brother that live nearby was sucking her dry as an ATM and of course when I became the power of attorney that all stopped. And I became the bad guy. My mom lived a long time and she still had her senses about her so she did a trust on her current house leaving the sole beneficiary and of course my brothers did not know this my mom did not want to tell them because they would not come visit but they never were going to come visit anyways so the story can go on and on and on but basically my mom passed away and when Mom passes away the true character of my siblings came out . i am grieving both of my parents now...i did exactly what my parents wanted..i am proud. I got a card from hospice caregivers said " you are truly one of kind in caring for your mom"....another "you are the son and caregiver every parent hopes for"
My sibs now want to take to court for decisions my parents made..i took care of my parents for more than 15 yrs ..even when they had minor surgerys ..it was never my sibs ..they were too busy "working"..what about my work ?yours is more important than mine ?
They just knew they didn't have to take care of my parents that I would regardless and they would try to reap the benefit of my hard work and dedication and love and compassion to my parents.. now I sit at home remembering that would mom was here I had a hundred things that I could be doing now that she's gone I can't think of one. I am just so broken I don't know where to start hear from now

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The new stress; What to do when caregiving instantly stops after 8yrs?

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