The price of obituaries?

HisPathway77: you wrote "I should feel guilty, but refused to have it done. It’s not like she was into liberal politics."

Your comment/complaint about obituary pricing certainly belongs on this Aging Care website. But I'd sure like to know what politics has to do with your posting, liberal or otherwise. What the heck is that about ???

You will not regret using a service that really doesn't serve you. If most of your friends and family are on a social media platform, send your "obituary" that way and email it to the rest.

I haven't read any of the 64 responses to date . . . here are my thoughts off the top of my head.
GOOD FOR YOU.
It's pouring a flammable substance on grieving husband/family for a commercial business to screw you - us.
* You can write your own obituary and post it on Facebook or wherever you have access to a broaden group via social media.
* If you / she belonged to local communities or a church, write something and provide to them. You don't need everyone and their uncle reading about your wife - who didn't know her. The people that matter are the people that know / knew her.
* By opening the can of worms here 'asking' others if you'll regret it, be prepared for mucho self-projecting responses. (Oh . . . I read several and stand corrected. Most reflect similar responses to mine. Not that 'mine' is right. It is a matter of being gouged when it isn't right / the compassionate procedure in our capitalist world
. . . and here I go again)

I COMMEND YOU FOR STANDING UP FOR FINANCIAL DIGNITY for grieving families everywhere.

By the way, what is the name of the newspaper. Some of us could send a Letter to the Editor. . . Gena / Touch Matters

You can usually post something online for friends and family. We didn’t do one for my dad since he was last survivor of his family and friends. There was no one left but us and a few faraway cousins who’d have even known him so it would have been silly to spend that money. And he was a major penny pincher so he’d have vetoed it anyway. I did a FB tribute to him so my cousins in another state could see and just to honor him. It was better than what the paper one could have been with lots of photos of him throughout his life.

Most papers will publish a death notice at no charge. It isn't as in depth as an obituary but does inform friends and loved ones of the death. Then at her funeral or memorial you can distribute either book marks or just a notice with her life information and family listed. If anyone wants this that couldn't make it to the funeral, have a few extra to give out. I'm so sorry for the loss of your wife.

try and find a way. It was a last wish and final activity to write an obituary with a family member whom passed last year. I believe you will regret it. While you need to do what makes sense for you, having dealt with a death recently myself, you’ll want to be at peace as part of grieving and not add regret.

We just lost our precious, loving Mother and we chose not to do an obituary for the public. Main reason: The people who Truly loved and cared for her was there prior to her passing. We designed the obituary ourselves, but it was only for the Minister reading it. If people are more attentive at a person's services then they would not need an obituary, some very special things would stand out in their mind about the individual so as to continue memories of them. Zoom was and is the best thing for funerals because of all the chaos and emotional trauma that comes with losing your precious loved one.

My daughter used to do obituaries as part of her duties for the funeral home where she worked. She said it was $4.25/line in the local paper and another nearby one charges $32-$34 / inch.

My mother was from a small town in another state. She had many older relatives and friends over 80, so I went ahead and paid the ridiculous fees in two newspapers. I thought a lot of older people still read newspapers, so it seemed like a good way to notify them (there are hundreds of relatives).
I did this directly, no funeral home fee on top, but still very pricey. Obits are priced as advertising, like listing your car for sale to the handful of people who actually read newspaper ads.
I was wrong about reaching older people. The condolences I received were from people who I texted, or who were told by those I texted. Looking back it was a total waste of money.

I know of a local, who was well known in our city and his children, who have $$, didn't even put an obituary in the newspaper. I was a little shocked because the deceased was a valued member of the community and quite well known, but I took it as this is the way of the new world. This person did put it on social media so that works. With what you said above which is all true, I would not feel guilty at all.

My dad died last week,so I understand completely. The funeral home handled it for me. It wasn't until after the fact I seen the price of the Obituary. It cost 300.00!!! I was just shocked. I remember the days when an obit was complementary. It's a shame they take advantage of a situation!
I was told after my dads funeral,they had taken a fingerprint and I could go online to order jewelry. I was SHOCKED to see the cost of that!

we will not be doing an obituary for my Mother, only people who care are family and friends today a lot of our friends just post on FB, and those without FB will get a phone call, but that number is very few. You can make your own obituary pictures whatever on FB it’s free.

First, my thoughts go out to you and your family on the death of your wife. Please take care of yourself the best you can in the time to come. It is a process that goes back and forth.
My Mama died 2 1/2 years ago. We, too, were surprised at the cost of newspaper obituaries. My Mama and I had written her obituary a few months before her death because there were things she wanted in it (name of her best friend even though she had died and all the places she & my Dad had been stationed at when he was in the Air Force). So, knowing that she wanted people to know what a great life she had, my Dad & I decided on the newspapers we wanted it published in. The only one he refused to publish in was the one that limited the amount of lines - in his words, "If I'm willing to pay, they should publish the way I want it." I'm glad we put these in the papers because Daddy got to hear from friends & family that loved Mama as much as he does. He doesn't do social media, so this was good for him.
With that said, I agree with others in this forum. We each do what we think is best for our family and try to not do "what ifs" which only drives you nuts. It sounds like you made a wise decision and in the end that is what matters. Again, I am so sorry about the death of your wife. I send you many hugs and the assurance that those of us here in this forum understand what you are going through.

We didn’t post an obit as most of my dads friends had already passed as he was 94. All remaining family members were told.

I did the same thing. I did pay for one for my Dad, outrageous. I did not pay for one for my Mom. She was alive when we got the one for my Dad and could not believe the price. The only reason we did one for him was for the record of public notification for some property he had. My Mom was just recorded with the County where she lived and they posted a notice of death on the bulletin board downtown which served as notice to the public.
In our case, neither of my parents had any living friends or close relatives left so the decision was easy. I do not regret not having one for my Mom at all.

First off, my sincere condolences on your loss. It's never easy to lose someone you love. And in my opinion, you're not going to regret anything. When my mom passed, we opted to omit a newspaper obituary. She had been living with us for 12 years in a different state than where she had lived for 80 years, She had outlived all of her siblings, in-laws and all but one of her oldest friends. We let family members (nieces and nephews) know via phone and social media that she had passed. That Christmas we sent out a "family letter" to those same folks which included memories and photos. Mom would have been appalled at the cost of a printed obit. And let's face it - who is it really for? The people who knew and loved her were already aware. It's like someone said previously - the cost of obits is as bad as the cost of funeral flowers, and the other things funeral homes charge for. I wish you peace.

I agree that obits are grossly expensive, but I loved the feedback we got from people who knew our parents but not us. My mother-in-law died at 86 and was living several states away from where she had grown up. She hadn't lived in this community very long, but we nonetheless ran the obit in the local paper. We got a phone call from a friend that she'd grown up with, now living in the same town. We didn't know him, but the stories he shared with us about her from their youth, long before she'd met even her husband, were well worth the cost to us. He joined us for her celebration of life and it was clearly meaningful to him as well as special to us. So you never know what that obituary might generate in terms of notes and feedback from long-lost friends. My grandparents used to listen to obituaries on the radio every morning over breakfast, so maybe that is part of why they have a lot of meaning to me. I only wish that for my mother-in-law, she had known this friend was in town so they could have connected in life. Bottom line, to each their own on this issue. I'm sorry for the losses you've all experienced.

No. It costs $1200 in my area to post obits in two local papers (owned by the same company) and in the Boston Globe. This used to be FREE. IMHO journalism is dead and newspapers are struggling, so they have decided to prey on the loved ones of those who just passed. Personally, I think that it is akin to theft. If you can reach out to all who need to know through private messaging on social media or simply telephone call, why not?

There is no need for an obituary. If you have a small local newspaper, you might want to put in a short notice, but most obituaries are to help the family feel better by describing their loved ones attributes and accomplishments. Family and friends already know about her life and how much she was loved. People who do not know her really don't care.

Your wife would no doubt be proud of you for skipping the extravagance.

There is no need for an obituary. They are mostly written to make the family feel good about their loved one's life and accomplisjments. Friends and family already know much about her life and how much she was loved.

Your wife would probably be proud of you for skipping the extravagance.

Cremation can be done under $1,000. In addition, donating the body to science will cost nothing and transport is included. When science is through, the cremated remains are mailed back free including two death certificates. All free.

As for obits, why bother. People don't read them. Just send letters or emails to them.

My parents requested that there are no obits for them because scammers, etc. come out of the woodwork

Funeral home did a "basic" one for MIL in the paper. I think it was free. It's crazy what newspapers want! Funeral home wanted $100 to do the funeral service pamphlet, but we declined. I made them myself, and put what we wanted. You could see how much just a basic one, i.e., name, date, funeral info, would cost. Then maybe write up something with more detail to give to those who attend the service.

No don't regret it. When my BIL passed we inquired about posting the Obit in our local paper (we live in another state), the price was almost $500.00 and that was almost 10 years ago! Instead we submitted it to a local on-line news source and it was posted for free.

Yes it's ridiculous as are the flower prices and everything else that goes with the funeral. I ran it for one day, was still four figures but I did it anyway.

I had my dad’s placed in the local, also dwindling, newspaper last summer. It was almost $400. It was one of several things not covered by his “complete, prepaid funeral” plan. It’s a scam like a number of things associated with the funeral industry. I’m glad you found a good way to share the sad news, have no regrets as that’s a waste, and I wish you comfort and peace in your loss

I'm in the same situation as you. I lost my wife in March and I have not had the time to grieve with all there is to do. First off we had separate bank accounts and we had different banks. Life is an accumulation of hind-sights. After her cremation I got 6 extra death certificates and started looking up who she was getting money deposited in to her account from and mailed them all copies.
It was quite an experience, there were 3 different companies I was dealing with and all 3 either called me back or mailed me notices that they would not be able to cancel these deposits until I sent them the Death Certificate???? This was close to a month after I originally sent them. I was starting to think I was the only person who was interested in taking care of her matters. All the while knowing I had to get to her Obit.
I already feel guilty that I couldn't save her, she developed stomach cancer in Nov. 2020. The Doctors informed me that because of the advancement of her Dementia, surgery would either kill her or put her in a vegetative state. So we tried chemo, she would require 13 treatments, after treatment #1 she wouldn't or could not speak and she would just sit and stare at the floor. When, after around 2 weeks, she started coming back around we realized the chemo would kill her. We had to make a decision that I have to live with and she passed in March.
I live in a MH Park and was told I had to paint my home and do some other work that's time consuming and requires money. When we had the separate accounts I paid all the bills except food, that came out of her account. But once she got Dementia she started buying multiples of foods we would never use and that's when her son started coming around, and the 2 of them would go to Wal-Mart. I was already suspicious, but when he called me saying my Wife forgot her pin. Well, that's another story.
So, I took over her card after that episode. I noticed her statements showed that she wasn't saving at all. So I put her card away for a rainy day. After paying for her cremation, the extra Death Certificates, and now I'm buying the food, I could sure use some of the money in her account. But that's not easy. And I am having trouble with the Obit. My wife was married twice before I met her, she was widowed twice. She was my first marriage, I never had children. She had 3 children with her 1st husband, and her 2nd husband had children, who had kids. My Wife is from Munich, Germany and she had 4 siblings who had kids, who had kids. I put in Facebook that my Wife had passed and I received responses asking what happened and am I going to have a service and we want to go. I don't know names or how many, as most of the calls were from the family of the 2nd husband.
So, I not only feel regret about my wife but the pressure of this Obit. is tremendous. I took care of my Wife at home for all of those years, getting help from my daughter in law and her son, for the last year and a half of my wife's life. Her daughter doesn't cook, so I have to take care of that myself, which is fine. I have a dog, my Brie, who ruptured a disk in her back and she's paralyzed to the point that her hind legs don't work anymore and I have to relieve her bladder 3 or 4 times a day and help her poop. I can't afford to hire people to paint my house, so every bit of free time I get I go outside and paint. I'm a little over half way done. Oh, I have to put the clothes in the dryer when I finish this. And all the time I have that Obit. on my mind.
I've been looking for templates online, but they mention things like you should mention your wife's other husbands and their family's, and then I read where if you mention one name of a family, you should mention every ones as not to hurt anyones feelings. Oh did I mention I have to go back to Home Depot to buy more paint? I'm still waiting on her bank. Hey, I'm really sorry for your loss.

The four digit price is a bit out of line. If social media is working for you, I dont think you will regret not having an obituary done. There are places such as legacy.com to post which is free and you can share it with whomever and future family will be able to see.

BEST wishes for your decision and condolences for your family loss.

I have just recently put in an obituary for my husband in the main news paper myself. Do not let the funeral home do it. You pay for their advertisement to have their name listed. I just put in the basic info my husbands name and loving husband, father & grandfather with our names. This was posted in the Sunday journal that is the most popular day of the week every buys. The cost was minimal. I hope for you and your family that this journey you are on goes fairly easy and remember all the fun moments you had with your wife/mother/grandma. God bless all of you.

When my mom passed, I had her address book. I used to print labels for her for Christmas cards so I wrote a tribute and mailed it to everyone on her list. I received a lot of responses thanking me for letting them know.