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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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It’s so hard to determine what to do in these situations, isn’t it?
I agree with Bundleofjoy and Alva, the only way to get answers is to see a doctor.
I certainly know that it is tiring to take our parents to the ER over and over. I did my share of it.
It’s a frustrating situation because I took my responsibility of caring for my mom seriously, so if there was any doubt in my mind that something was wrong, then of course. I took her to the ER.
I am not a doctor. How could I know what was wrong with my mom? So, off to the ER we would go.
While it was exhausting to make trips to the ER, I never considered it a waste of time. I was relieved if nothing was wrong. If something was wrong, I was relieved that I hadn’t ignored her concerns.
Some children do have parents who are drama queens. You know, the type of people that when they are saying something to you, you may question if it is ‘fact or fiction.’ This is an extremely stressful situation and a case of parents trying to manipulate their children.
No matter what scenario you are in, it’s all stressful. Wishing you peace during these difficult times.
If I had a dime for every time I took my mother to the ER and everything was fine, I'd have a $20 bill. Dementia tends to create histrionics, anxiety, agitation, delusions, and situations that feel upsetting to the elder in spite of not being emergent. You can't treat each "zombie-like" behavior as an emergency or else you may find yourself in the ER each time mom doesn't want to do something. She'll just act quiet and shut down and WHAM, her daughter will freak out and rush her off to the ER. My mother loved the attention. When the doctors found nothing wrong with her, she'd then insist she NEVER SAID she had chest pain to begin with, or whatever it was she did say that brought us to the ER in the first place! You can imagine my angst at hearing THAT! 😑
When mom acts catatonic, take her vital signs yourself. Unless she has seriously low or high blood pressure or pulse or body temperature, I'd assume she's okay and just acting out for not wanting to go to respite care, which is a safe environment where she will be looked after while you're gone.
Just bc an elder suffers from dementia does not mean they're incapable of playing games or acting up. Sometimes it means they're even craftier than ever before! 😁
I have no clue, however, if she is like my mother, she is playing the role to stop you from putting her in respite, my mother is a real actress, she should be on the stage.
She most certainly needs a medical assessment. Having said that, the hospital tested my mother for all sorts of things, and found nothing medically wrong. (98, dementia, otherwise good health) They thought maybe she’d had a stroke, did labs, scans, everything. After a week+ of her limp noodle behaviour (IV fluids, not eating, motionless, eyes closed except to sneak a few peeks) they moved her from medical to comfort care, figuring she was at end of life. When she heard that she sat up and gave them a highly articulate earful. That was over a year ago.
Are you honestly asking us to GUESS what is wrong with your Mom?
As an RN I must tell you that I honestly have not a clue what is happening with your mother.
You did the right thing in going to the ER as a sudden change in electrolytes or a UTI is not to be missed. It seems they found nothing. So I wouldn't over-worry this.
I assume by your response to bundle of joy that you took Mom to the ER
I see from your profile that Mom has Dementia. Your first posted back in 2021 so I would say she has worsened? With Dementia it could be anything. She could be having mini strokes or absent seizures. With absent seizures, it pretty much what you discribed. They just stare off. My Grandson has epilepsy and would have them.
You say in your post that your mom was acting "catatonic" and "zombie like" but then respond that you were just at her house and nothing was wrong with her???? So now I'm confused. Is there something wrong with her or not? Acting catatonic and zombie like don't at all sound normal to me, and like bundleofjoy suggested below mom should probably be checked out by her doctor or a doctor.
get her to the ER please. it could be a thousand reasons.
you can’t ask strangers on a forum, who haven’t seen your mother and who aren’t doctors, to diagnose your mother. any answer could be completely wrong.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I agree with Bundleofjoy and Alva, the only way to get answers is to see a doctor.
I certainly know that it is tiring to take our parents to the ER over and over. I did my share of it.
It’s a frustrating situation because I took my responsibility of caring for my mom seriously, so if there was any doubt in my mind that something was wrong, then of course. I took her to the ER.
I am not a doctor. How could I know what was wrong with my mom? So, off to the ER we would go.
While it was exhausting to make trips to the ER, I never considered it a waste of time. I was relieved if nothing was wrong. If something was wrong, I was relieved that I hadn’t ignored her concerns.
Some children do have parents who are drama queens. You know, the type of people that when they are saying something to you, you may question if it is ‘fact or fiction.’ This is an extremely stressful situation and a case of parents trying to manipulate their children.
No matter what scenario you are in, it’s all stressful. Wishing you peace during these difficult times.
When mom acts catatonic, take her vital signs yourself. Unless she has seriously low or high blood pressure or pulse or body temperature, I'd assume she's okay and just acting out for not wanting to go to respite care, which is a safe environment where she will be looked after while you're gone.
Just bc an elder suffers from dementia does not mean they're incapable of playing games or acting up. Sometimes it means they're even craftier than ever before! 😁
If you are concerned take her to the doctor.
Are you honestly asking us to GUESS what is wrong with your Mom?
As an RN I must tell you that I honestly have not a clue what is happening with your mother.
You did the right thing in going to the ER as a sudden change in electrolytes or a UTI is not to be missed. It seems they found nothing. So I wouldn't over-worry this.
I see from your profile that Mom has Dementia. Your first posted back in 2021 so I would say she has worsened? With Dementia it could be anything. She could be having mini strokes or absent seizures. With absent seizures, it pretty much what you discribed. They just stare off. My Grandson has epilepsy and would have them.
So now I'm confused. Is there something wrong with her or not? Acting catatonic and zombie like don't at all sound normal to me, and like bundleofjoy suggested below mom should probably be checked out by her doctor or a doctor.
you can’t ask strangers on a forum, who haven’t seen your mother and who aren’t doctors, to diagnose your mother. any answer could be completely wrong.