I have been looking at some of the other articles on this. When we had dad over for Christmas yesterday (he lives on his own with the help of caregivers), he brought up the fact he would really like to go see his nieces and nephews this spring. The car trip would be a minimum of 4 hours on a good day, but potentially looking at 5-6 hours on a bad traffic day. He uses a walker and this would require multiple rest stops. He is very, very frail. I really, REALLY don't want to do this. Just spending every Saturday afternoon with him is exhausting to me. There's the med management situation plus the care of his legs (he's diabetic). He said he would pay for a place for us to stay but I don't want to share a hotel room with him and he would be very confused on his own. I just don't think he could do it. Possibly one of them would let us stay. His grown nieces and nephews are pushing him to get me to take him up there (I am the only one here in town with him - I've been managing his care for almost 4 years and was recently awarded guardianship). They have not seen him for many years and I'm afraid they don't realize how frail he has gotten. My sister lives there and suggested that possibly her daughter could meet me half way and they could take him the rest of the way and manage him for an overnight stay to give me a break. I did read in one of the articles to talk to his doctors. I could run this by his geriatric psych and primary care doctor if you think that would be good. I am at a loss and maybe I'm worrying about this all too soon but I really don't want to do this but feeling like I don't have a choice.
So, if you do meet your cousins to pick him up, make them keep him for a week to really give you a break. Get some depends for him to wear while on holiday, that way any explosions will at least be contained. For 1 week before and for the entire trip give him vit c, probiotics and zinc.
If they can't stop encouraging him to visit then he should visit but for long enough that you get a true respite and they get to see your daily life. Maybe they will come stay at your house and you can go someplace while they catch up. Well meaning relatives are a challenge to be sure.
I hope you get a week or 2 vacation.
Now that hes gone, I would not trade those experiences for the world. Not saying they were easy, especially when complicated by the presence of my more difficult mom, but so glad I did them.
Again, not being judgmental if you don't think you want to do it. Just another angle to think about. In fact, he was in an SNF this past Easter, and we had been thinking of getting him (professionally) transported home for the day and it would have been his last day in his home. We decided against it and think maybe that was the right decision, but also sometimes wish we would have done it
In that case we were thinking if that would be hard on him, being home for a day, then having to go back to SNF.
Travel would be very difficult. Do not allow this to happen.
Tell relatives that Dad is not up to a trip that far even though he thinks he is. Don't tell them at first that you don't want to do it. You have you r guardianship. He has Dementia. A good reason not to take him. They don't do well with change.