My friend is in her mid-70's and recently divorced. She lives alone in an apartment complex in her small town - it is not a "senior community," just regular apartments. Since her separation and divorce last year, I know she has been bored, lonely and depressed. However, she ALSO seems unable to filter her conversations with people regarding her strong sexual desires and very graphic talk about what she wants sexually. (She used to be very graphic about this when talking to me, until I told her several times to please stop.) She has told me that she regularly goes to a couple of favorite bars and has occasionally asked other patrons if they want to come back to her apartment for sex. I've pointed out that this is very dangerous behavior from a personal safety standpoint for any person of any age. She says she understands that, but continues to do it, along with having other sexually-charged conversations with bar patrons. So today she told me that someone in her apartment building reported her to the management for "sexual assault." The apartment manager told her that if they get another complaint she will be evicted with 7 days notice. She told me that the "only thing" she did was knock on a neighbor's door and ask him in a very graphic way if he wanted to have sex. He said no, and she apologized to him. She has told me about conversations with other neighbors that also had sexual overtones. She says she went to her doctor upon the recommendation of her sister, and they "tested her" for dementia and determined that she does not have any form of it. Having had a good deal of exposure to older adults with dementia, and some degree of training on the social (but not medical) aspects of it, and based on the way she talks and acts around me personally, I find these test results very hard to trust. I am very concerned about her, but am at a loss as to how to help her, especially since her doctor has already told her she is fine. Does anyone here have specific experience with friends or family who exhibit similar behavior? How have you been able to help them? I used to work in senior communities at all levels of care, and I understand that sexual desire is normal, natural, and never really goes away, but that it might be expressed in inappropriate ways by a person with dementia. But outside of a care setting, in the world-at-large, how do you help a person who lives independently, refuses to believe there's a problem, but is obviously on the brink of experiencing severe consequences for this type of behavior?
Do you have any way to consult with her sister? She may not have any idea your friend is making inappropriate, sex-crazed comments to strangers. That could make a big difference in how a doctor would look at her.
I'd talk to Sis and let her know what you know.
My mother entered MC at 79. I suspected that her dementia began years before. She would never be able to tell you now that she has any dementia at all. This despite having a short term memory of less than 5 minutes. She has no memories of the past 30 years. The only ones remaining are those from her childhood. So, your friend may not be able to report correctly.
Do you have any way to contact her family and let them know what you have told us?
Sounds like she has always been fixated on sex. Maybe thats why she is divorced. I say she needs a full exam. Labs and all. Maybe she has had a stroke.
Perhaps you wait until she is in fact asked to leave, and you help her to have a look at AL or even a higher level of care. In an aged care facility, there is usually more understanding, tolerance and support about inappropriate behavior. Whether or not she believes that there is a problem, if her rental is terminated she will be forced to find somewhere else to live. You could help her to see that it could be quite a nice change for her.