Follow
Share

My mom was supposed to go to a Senior Nursing Facility. When they arrived to transport her there, she reused to go because she won't leave her dogs! We had talked about this for several weeks and all along she said she understood she needed care. She does have short term memory loss, and I worried if she would remember these conversations. We don't live in the same state, and because of my medical issues, I can't take care of her. She can no longer perform activities of daily living, let alone take care of her dogs. What can I do?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Yes, a lot missing. Why were the dogs not removed before the transfer? Was someone there to be with Mom to help her with the transition? I wouldn't have gone either if my animals were being left behind. Need more info.
Helpful Answer (16)
Report

Quite often despite conversations assuring one's beloved companion animals will be taken care of, 'taken in' by friends or family, once the elder is 'placed' the animals are ditched anyway and elders know this; it's awful. Shelters often want/need substantial donations to take in an elder's surrendered animals. And in the back of people's minds shelter placement of animals means euthanasia, killing the animals that were part of one's family, sometimes one's only immediate family.
I urge everyone to research all possible options to compassionately set the elder up so they can have their animals as long as possible. And just as change is very hard as one ages, to lose one's beloved animals is just another rupture in the household; even after a companion animal dies there is a sense of a 'hole' in the energy of the home, a 'disturbance in The Force' if you will, because there is, and it brings its own level of grief. 'Animal people' get it. Just because this elder 'understood she needed care' does not indicate her beloved animals would be provided for and not just ditched, because they need care too which she provided as best she could. Please find a good alternative. Maybe someone in her locale can adopt them and bring them to visit her, out of the goodness of their heart or for a fee.
Helpful Answer (14)
Report

I agree with other comments that appropriate arrangements need to be made for the dogs BEFORE transport arrives to take her to new facility. That way, she can see them go to their new home and caretakers and feel at ease. I'm not sure why the dogs were left in place at that time, and the original post does not make clear what was going to happen to the dogs if the mother was taken to skilled nursing. The key to this is making sure the dogs have a good home beforehand, preferably with friends or relatives who could bring them by to see her from time to time.

Another organization to consider is called https://www.petsfortheelderly.org/, which places pets with other elderly-but-able individuals once their owners are unable to care for them. That might be something to try if you cannot have the dogs rehomed with friends or relatives.
Helpful Answer (13)
Report

Regarding the comment: "It isn't about the dogs. She just doesn't want to go to the NH. If she didn't have any pets at all she would just come up with another excuse to not go."

I disagree with this. She may well come up with another excuse, but I absolutely believe she is attached to her dogs, and this is a valid reason she would not want to go. She is showing the loyalty and love for her pets that they have shown to her, and it's totally normal AND EXPECTED. My dad (who had dementia) wouldn't leave until he knew his dog had a good home, and as my husband and I are dog people, we took in his 14 year old Schmoodle (Shitzu, Malteze, Poodle).

Trying to not be judgemental here, but why was finding the dogs new homes not taken into consideration before trying to take mom to a facility? Some people do not like dogs or cats, and just can't understand how important they are to those of us who do (I have an uncle like that...he's not a bad person, just doesn't have feelings for pets for some reason).

Believe it or not, there actually are people who are looking to take on the care of an elderly pet, as they may have just lost one, and their remaining dog or cat might take to an elderly new housemate, more readily than a new puppy or kitten. Please check out fostering on line, and keep in mind that it would probably be best for the person to come spend some time with them a couple of times before leaving with them, so the pet is not totally freaked out, going off with someone completely new.

It will give your mother peace of mind knowing her pets are comfortable in their new home, and not stressed out....who knows, she might actually be willing to go to a senior home then, as without her pets she likely will be lonely and ready for the next chapter where she might meet new people in a new place.

Another thought....and this might not be doable, as it would be a hard choice to make if she has more than one dog/cat, but some facilites will allow one small pet to be brought along. Something to think about....
Helpful Answer (13)
Report

I agree with others: please find her a place that allows dogs. Dogs are such a comfort to seniors (and others). Best wishes to you; you have a hard job.
Helpful Answer (11)
Report

You find a place where she can have her dogs or use her money to keep her in her home with her pets as long as possible. Those dogs have become her closest family members. They are her 24/7 life. Imagine realizing or being told you have to leave your home and the family. Leaving a home would be difficult. Leaving my pets would be devastating.

Anyway to check out some facilities near to you that allow pets? Or maybe a private home in her area where she could live with her pets?
Helpful Answer (10)
Report
BurntCaregiver Sep 2023
Well said, my2cents.
(4)
Report
See 1 more reply
You are 100% spot on! Pets ARE family and others who do not have pets often think of them as disposable, like your favorite chair or some other object that is no longer needed. Finding responsible people that you KNOW will care for her beloved pets is extremely important. Finding someone who will bring them to visit is very important also. When a responsible person acquires a pet, they do so for the life of that pet. There is a saying: "Look before you leap! A pet is for keeps!" A pet gives you their love and trust and would most likely give their life for you if required to do so. They are not throw-aways. Talk to their vet. They should know of people who will take the dogs and care for them and love them properly.
Helpful Answer (10)
Report

This post reminded me of a news story I saw recently.

https://www.npr.org/2023/09/06/1197824640/a-stray-dog-kept-showing-up-at-a-nursing-home-residents-finally-adopted-it#:~:text=Hourly%20News-,A%20stray%20dog%20kept%20showing%20up%20at%20a%20nursing%20home,fan%20that%20they%20adopted%20Scout.
Helpful Answer (10)
Report
NeedHelpWithMom Sep 2023
Awwwww, how sweet.
(3)
Report
https://www.petfriendlyseniorliving.com/assisted-living/colorado/highlands-ranch.html
Helpful Answer (10)
Report

I’m a bit confused by this post. Arrangements were made for mom but not the dogs? Can you clarify this for me please? Thanks.

I doubt that any dog lover could simply walk away from their beloved fur babies.

It would still be hard to leave pets knowing that the dogs were rehoused. It would be excruciating to abandon pets that she dearly loves. She has to either bring her pets with her or to at least know that they will be properly cared for.
Helpful Answer (10)
Report

See All Answers
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter