What do you get your loved one for Christmas?

For the gardeners:

I’ve decided to use greens from my garden to make a few wreaths and decorate a 3 tiered planter sitting on my father’s front porch. Arborvitae and junipers will be the base, or perhaps some downed pine branches if I can find some in local parks. I’ll add some pine cones, perhaps false sprays of red berries as I have none in my garden, and maybe a few miniature American flags.

For the inside, I’ll use a tabletop artificial tree, nestled in a piece of white cotton batting (snow which doesn’t need to be shoveled!) and smothered with small empty boxes from vitamins and candy wrapped in Christmas paper.
I’ve found that boxes for aspirin, nasal drops, and especially Junior Mints make the perfect sizes for small tabletop “presents”. Only problem is someone has to eat all those Junior Mints so the boxes can be used. Me? Well, I guess I could forc myself to eat some delicious, refreshing chocolate mints, all in the name of Christmas!


For the military families here:

A book titled “A Higher Call”. A friend gave a copy to my father, who flew in B-29s during WWII. The book relates stories of German pilots who helped escort damaged American planes to safety instead of shooting them down.

The thought of two different nations of men, especially one the aggressor, triumphing over their leader’s bitter mandates of destruction to fall back on their own human kindness to extend comfort and assistance in escape to the “enemy” during wartime brings tears to my eyes when I think about it.

I thought of this yesterday when I heard that old Snoopy song about his alleged encounter with the Red Baron, who in the song ended up shouting holiday greetings to Snoopy (in his imaginary plane sitting on top of his dog house) instead of shooting him down.


For others who’s made the suggestions of gift certificates, a calendar with bill due dates, and really practical things, I’ve added those to my small list. They’re practical, but with an older person, probably far more valuable than gold or silver (not that I could afford that anyway).


d1o2l3p4h5i6n7, I think you are a philosopher! Your post is very poetic, very touching.

I found some of some Euphoria body was for my grandmother. I'm hoping that it will make her more willing to get into the bath and bathe. Getting her a bottle of perfume would be a horrible idea, she'd use it in lieu of bathing. Going 3 weeks without a bath makes for a UTI and who knows what would happen to her kidneys and her kidney disease.

oooh Mina I hate that smell - one of my old bosses used to drown herself in the stuff. Mum likes that too but I am afraid she doesn't get it yuk yuk yuk. I did however find some lavender perfume for her which reminded her of her Mum and it helps her relax too...... bonus!

Ahhhhh.....Jude.....lovely thread. For my Mom (94, moderate dementia, very content in lovely ALF since 91YO) it's no question. Estee Lauder Youth Dew perfume....she loves it, has worn it forever, and....most importantly, still has her sense of smell! (Taste, sight, hearing are now beyond questionable....but .....smell....still there!). It is lovely actually (tho I'm an Original Cabochard, rare as it is to find these days, on those not-too-often occasions I wear a scent)....anyway, found a lovely, Holiday Gift Box w/not only the perfume but great skin creams, bath salts, etc.....such a lovely gift box.....actually took photos and sent to sibs....LOL.....Mom will love it! Unfortunately, that will only be for the first 5 minutes she receives it. But....no problem....I'll be spritzing her all next year whenever I visit.....

Ummmmm, d1o213...... excellent post. I have put up picture frames of each of her children, with their spouse and kids, on the walls of her Nursing Home bedroom. I put up one of her family... mom and dad in the middle surrounded by the 12 kids, of which she is the oldest. I put one of our proper family... Mom and Dad with us four kids taken in 2009... and one photo of her mom and dad. Every time I visit her, she says everyone is here with her, and she just loves them. I can't be more pleased... she is 93, and though sharp, her memory is going the way of dementia... very short. She doesn't read, won't color like she used to, won't do puzzles, nor word puzzles... no interest in anything. I can slip into a bit of guilt, like, what else can I do/give her!!!! But, she has chosen to not do anything, and that's not my fault. So, when gift giving comes, I will have to agree with d1o23... giving of self is the best possible thing.

I will go have lunch with her, then lay down with her for her nap. I love it. Once she falls asleep, and I either snooze a tad, or don't, I then leave quietly. I also feel funny about that cuz we didn't say goodbye, and the thought of her dying suddenly without us saying goodbye reminds me to hug her before she falls asleep and to tell her I love her.

I will go have lunch with her privately in a small tv room in the NH, and use the computer there to turn on Pandora music of our choice while we eat. After eating, I will show her photos of family (from Facebook - special family page) on the nice large screen. She loves that.

She won't go outside anymore for the cold, so I will sometimes go with her into the communal living room and sit with her while they do Karaoke and sing along. She loves music.

I appreciate very much the photo fleece blanket from Walmart idea... will try to do one for Christmas. I already brought her fleece blanket from home to the NH, but it gets lost unless I press for them to find it and bring it back.

That's all folks... Merry Merry Christmas.

Same thing I got them last year. Nothing.

The best gift is not wrapped in paper and foil.The best gift can not be found in a store.The best gift does not have a price tag on it.The gift I am talking about is....simply the time you give of yourself....the kind words that you can share in conversation...a big bear hug and smile that will last them as a loving memory.Respect goes a long way.Kindness can't hurt.
In this world of uncertainty and worry...especially what's happening in the news today...
Just being there...giving them a safe place to live out their lives, can be all they need.
Other suggestions....read them the morning newspaper,help them write emails or letters for them,collect their meds for them,make their bed, cook them their favorite foods,wash their clothes,decorate their home for the holidays....and this list is endless.All I'm saying is...the best thing you can give them is LOVE,because one day they will be gone and all you will have is their memory.
So pick up your phone and say.."Hi,mom and dad,it is good to hear your voice and I love you"!
And for all the readers,reading this message...Happy Holidays and have a loving 2016! M : )

I am having trouble with my computer, and I don't know if my suggestion went through. But my children are putting a shadow box together with medals and such for my husband who flew a Huey helicopter in Vietnam. He landed such a plane safely after being shot down, with the bullet making a hole in the window and barely missing his head. He was rescued and received an award. He also flew right behind the spraying of Agent Orange during that period of time, and thus inhaled it. Then in the National Guard he also flew Huey helicopters and again landed a disabled helicopter safely. So he does have medals, rewards, and pictures. He is very modest about any rewards and doesn't like to be bragged about. Now that he has Alzheimers he doesn't remember as much, but the gift of a shadow box and albums makes for a nice gift. marymember

Well, perhaps this has been suggested already, but my children are putting together an album with pictures of my husband when he was in the military. They are making a shadow box and inside it are placing medals and pictures. When in Vietnam he was shot down, but escaped without injury to the Hewey helicopter. The bullet hole in the window barely missed his head. And I am making a picture album showing military days and National Guard days. In the National Guard he flew Huey helicopters also, and again he landed a disabled helicopter and received an award. So there are quite a few medals. He also flew behind the planes that sprayed Agent Orange, and because of that has health problems. But the VA will not agree that Agent Orange is the cause. But the albums will mean a lot to him. marymember

Wow Staceyb, I just had to laugh at that White Elephant gift situation. I was born in 1959 and I, too, am trying to donate, donate, donate. My parents taught me never to throw anything away as "you may need it someday" or "it's still good". Yowza! So therefore, my house is very cluttered. As you said, I am committed to clearing out starting in 2016 (or actually starting now so I can get some donation tax deductions -- smile).

My regifting story: At my wedding shower 34 years ago, one of my Great Aunts gave me one of those electric hamburger cookers (something popular in the 1970's) and she, too, left the original gift tag in it from her grandchild. "Merry Christmas, Aunt Vinnie!" it said. She never realized she left it in there and I never mentioned it to her. I just laughed about it when I got home and promptly and graciously thanked her for her lovely "gift". LOL

ohJude, I'm assuming you're from the UK as you refer to your Mom as "Mum" (lovely, by the way) and you talk about bombing in the war. Thanks for your response. When a person reaches 93 years of age, I think you will find that any given day is a "new day" ups and downs. My mother-in-law is almost 90 and some days she is totally "with it" and some days she's talking nuts. I think that once the true deep dementia sets in, she will "settle down". I've noticed this with my mother-in-law. She is slowing down more and more. I know she's confused and some days she just tells me that "it's so hard to die". It is a process that we will all eventually face and each time I see her and my own 86-year old dementia laden Mom, I truly try to be as compassionate as I can, talking with them gently and easing their fears. Sigh....

Oh Jude, your mention of the REGIFTED Bath salts, reminded me of this one time we had a White Elephant gift exchange at a family party, a few years ago, and I wrapped up and brought a gift that I had been given 25+ years before,actually a gift given to my FIRST husband and I for a Wedding present. It was a ceramic Cow Soup Urn, still in it's original box, HIDIOUS! So anyways, the gag gift exchange takes place, and the recipient of My gift ended up going to THE ORIGINAL GIFT GIVERS, as the Wedding Card to my first hubby and I was tucked into the box, and came out, when she opened the box! OMG, I was So EMBARRASED, but then she turned around and said that SHE LOVED IT, and it would go nicely in her Country Kitchen Decor, So all was right in the world! Lol!

Great ideas, calenders and prepaid cards for those ever loving catalog shoppers! I'm in the WAY TOO MUCH STUFF group, and we (hubby and I), have sworn off buying any more, until we clear out all of this STUFF! I was born in 1960, not the Depression, so I don't know how I picked up this collector bug! That is definitely going to be My NEW YEARS RESOLUTION, to clear it out, especially if I ever wish to move to a Condo! Maybe this should be our next THREAD Question, What are your CAREGIVERS NEW YEAR RESOLUTION For 2016?

A gift certificate for 1-800-GOT-JUNK.

Reno, I like your Bird feeder idea! I have both a bird feeder, and a hummingbird feeder outside the back sliding glass door, and I Love to watch the birds, and I'm just 55! We get all sorts and types of birds, lately the Stellar Jays, and the Woodpeckers! Of course, the Squirrels have a go at the feeder too! My dog loves to watch them too!
oh Jude, that's terrible, that your Mum has donated so much to that church, yet receives next to nothing in return. Perhaps you should stop sending out her mail to them, and then see if that peeks their interest? Hmmm, sorry, that wasn't very Christian of me, now was it but really?

Help my um is 93 but she has mixed dementia which, in her, manifests itself seemingly when it thinks it will. Some days she seems perfectly normal, other days and even part days, totally gaga. Some days she can get upstairs with help some days she can't get out of bed without help. some days she eats like a pig and others like today she refuses all attempts at feeding. her memory, especially short term is fairly shot but she can reminisce quite well about the war days. I do think that will always be prominent with her given that our city was heavily bombed during the war because it is a port. I do have to pick my days to do things with her - sometimes she is totally unwilling but as I live with her thats not too much of a problem.

I get through her potions and lotions at an alarming rate. As I have said before I massage her whole body every day, she has a foot spa every night. It soon whittles down the stash that people give us...so much so she has actually asked for them this year but as I told people don't buy the cheap stuff just because she won't know the difference ...I will know the difference and my memory aint short! I might add I said that to someone I know is an utter scrooge. last year she gave Mum bath salts - we haven't a bath in our house and when I looked at the pack which did look old it said 1/10 now that won't mean much to you but in your money thats about 13 cents. We haven't used that style of currency since 15 February 1971 and I thought my Mum hoarded!

Jude, your Snowman project reminded me of one that I did last year for my Grandies. I used cotton wool, plus white yarn,to create snoballs, the kids could throw in the house, when we didn't have any snow outside during our winters, which is about 98% of the time. They Loved them, stored in a little plaid drawstring bag, with a iron on snowflake applique on the front. But I Loved the picture blanket ROSIE created for her LO, and now you too, found the site and have also ordered one, cool, this thread is really giving us all some great ideas for Christmas fun!

Crazycatdude58 - I understand. I finally was able to convince my Mom to let me (and now my brother) to help her with her checkbook. She was constantly making adding/subtracting mistakes in the register then using a bottle of white out to cover it over, then not waiting long enough for it to dry before writing over the white out. Ugh, what a mess. The register pages would then stick together, etc. After my Dad died 8 years ago, I convinced her to put me on her checking/savings account as a joint account holder "just in case" I told her something happens to her and I need to write out checks for her bills. She was okay with this at the time because SHE was still writing the checks. Then after a few years and several mistakes later, I'd tell her "It's hard for you to see the small writing on the check Mom, why don't you let me write out the check for you and then you can sign it?" So then I got her to do that gradually. See where I'm going here? I did it in a non-threatening, non-judgmental way -- just matter of fact.

Now I've trained my brother (who lives with her) to do the check writing/register as I'm not over there every day. She only has 3 or 4 utility bills to pay a month but she insists on paying them the day they come in the mail. So unless I know/remember what day the bills come, I'd have to be over there daily and I just mentally cannot do it. So I periodically reconcile the bank statements to the checkbook register and so far, so good. This also gives my brother the practice in writing checks because that's what he's going to be doing once our mother passes and he has to move into a senior apartment (she wants the house sold) and finally become responsible for himself.

She's been a major control freak all her life and me and my sister managed to get married and out of the house, but my brother? Nada. He's lived at home all his life and my parents always told him all his life (he's now 65 years old) how he couldn't do things right, so he proved them right and didn't do anything for himself. My 86-year old mother is STILL doing his laundry! I don't know what he's going to do when she's gone -- live in his own filth? I've told him you have GOT to learn how to do your own laundry, clean a house properly, etc. etc. They have a cleaning service come in twice a month because he can't/won't be bothered to push a vacuum cleaner around the house or mop the kitchen floor or clean a bathroom. He's never scrubbed out a sink, cleaned a toilet or dusted a shelf. Good Lord. He is in for a rude awakening.

I did find my mom a great clock. It's about 8"x6" and digital. It clearly spells out the day, complete date and am or pm. No abbreviations. Mom is obsessed with her paper calendars - one on the wall and one always at her fingertips - but since she doesn't know what day today is, it's a constant frustration for her - and me! I only wish I had found this clock back when she was in IL - it could have reduced the number of times she'd call me in the middle of the night to ask whether it was 3:00 in the morning or in the afternoon.

Since I clean mother's place and it is crowded with useless tchotchkes and tons of stationary and body sprays and lotions--I told everyone who "gives" to her to keep it to gift cards to the restaurants she likes. That way she can treat the friends who drive her places to a nice meal---or if they are pre-loaded Visa cards she can do her beloved catalog shopping with them. Fixed incomes make for tight times and these gift cards go a long ways to helping her out financially.

This is for those of you whose parents are older but still functioning pretty well. My grandmother used to love getting prepaid calling cards, they allowed her to chat with long distance relatives without having to worry about the cost.

My mother - 82 - doesn't want my brother or I helping her with her checking account. Since she refuses help, I told her I am getting her a daily calendar for Christmas, like I get myself and my her boyfriend, where she can write down which bills to pay and when. I told her I would usually pay bills ten days before they are due. She also doesn't total the columns often enough and I am also buying her a simple calculator so she can total up the columns each time she writes a check. She has been forgetting to pay some bills and a missed dental appointment cost her $50. I told her she can also use the calendar to remember appointments. I hope this helps her with those difficulties. There are other problems but I won't address them at this time so I can stay on the subject.

Help2day - I totally get the mail order/outside world connection. I had an aunt who was crazy as a March hare - even before old age did its damage. She lived alone way out in the country atop a hill - owned all the property surrounding her. Life had kicked her butt around the block more than her fair share. The conditions she lived in were beyond deplorable - and she was a hoarder before it was fashionable - had over 30 German Shepards at one point. Anyhooo - after she passed my mom, brothers and I had to clear out her "stuff". All her worldly possessions were stored in large metal garbage can - to keep the critters out - there were close to 40 of them. In a good number we found brand new cloths still in the plastic - ordered from Eddie Bauer. Sweat pants and Henley tops mainly in random sizes. There were hundreds and hundreds of them. This woman had completely isolated herself from the world - this made no sense! I think it was her only link left to the outside world - she could talk to someone on the phone - a polite non threatening stranger - then the bonus of receiving a package!

ohJude -- you don't say how old your Mom is but I've found that it's next to impossible to rack my brain to think of what to give to my 86-year old Mom. At this point in her life, she HAS everything she needs. You're profile indicates your Mom has Alzheimers. Does she even WANT anything? Does she comprehend the gift-giving process anymore? I know we as daughters want to give actual gifts to our elders but these past few years, I've noticed it becoming more and more difficult to find an appropriate gift for my Mom.

I've given her all the lotions, potions, foot cream, sweaters, clothes, etc. etc. The sad truth is that she doesn't even use them. She wears the same 3 or 4 old outfits all the time. She is the queen of mail order catalogs. Her house is stuffed with "stuff" that my brother and sister and I have given her over the years. It's bordering on hoarding, really. I've begged her to let me donate some of this "stuff" but she cries like a stuck pig at the mere suggestion of giving her "good" stuff away. Yeesh.

If you can believe it -- my brother actually gave my mother one of those countertop NuWave air ovens a couple of years ago for Christmas. I mean, WHAT was he thinking???? She hasn't cooked in at least 15 years and HE certainly doesn't cook!! She can't even operate a push button microwave oven! So there it sits --- still in the box brand new --- on the floor in the living room. Three years -- THREE YEARS on the living room floor stored in a corner. Never moved.

So now every year I get my Mom a gift certificate to the hairdressers to get her hair done. Also, I strongly suggest to our small family to get her SMALL gift certificate amounts to places (restaurants) where she likes to eat (my brother has been taking her out to eat because he can't/won't and has never cooked for himself all his life). I suggest several SMALL amounts because let's face it, she just doesn't eat alot anymore.

Those type of gift certificates are really the only practical thing to spend our hard earned money on anymore. She/they have to eat and at least I know she'll use these gift certificates (she still goes once a month to get her hair done -- wish it was weekly).

I've adopted the motto of "enough stuff" going forward in my life. I am looking at my elderly in-laws and my Mom's houses that they've lived in for more than 50 years. They are stuffed to the rafters with crap -- stuff that they just won't get rid of just "in case" they may someday need it. I realize it's just that generation's way of life (they were born during the Depression) when you just didn't throw anything away. I cringe at the thought of having to clean out these homes when they pass. It will be a monumental job!

During the past 8 years since my Dad died, my Mom has been ordering useless "crap" from catalogs (Miles Kimbell, Walter Drake, etc.) and the stuff is STILL in their original packaging. Or she insists my brother drive her to the Dollar Store to pick up a few things (more crap). It's endless. Thankfully (and sadly), as her reasoning/cognition/mobility is getting worse, she can't fill out the order forms and mail them in or go out "shopping" as frequently. So the influx of crap into the house is slowing down some.

Now the mailman brings 2 or 3 mail order catalogs daily. My brother lives with our Mom and he retrieves the mail from the mailbox. I wish he would just throw away the catalogs before she ever sees them, but he's been a "mama's boy" all his life and dutifully brings her the mail every day. Now I go over there and there is literally a foot high pile of newspapers and catalogs piled next to her on the sofa -- catalogs she's yet to look through.

"Mom, can we get rid of SOME of these catalogs? You have many duplicate copies of them. Can we recycle these?" NOOOOOOO, she screams. Don't throw out MY stuff. It's so sad really. Those catalogs are all she has left to link her to the "outside world". Her world is sitting all day, watching TV, possibly going out to eat occasionally (lots of times she's eating TV dinners).

I don't want to live to be 90. It's depressing to think about how small your world will get.

We live in Maine - rather frigid here at night. My sister found a heated mattress pad for our father's bed...he'll love it. Some of the items Santa is going to bring him are: up-to-date thermal underwear (ILU the old waffle weave), WARM socks, warm pajamas (his winter pjs are 30 years old and look it), a couple of books on the underwater demolitions team history, two balsa wood airplane kits, an electric shaver (he hasn't tried one since 1962) and have put together a lovely little photo album of pictures from his recent trip to FL (I think it would be good for recent family photos, too). Then there will be a bunch of stocking stuffers (I made him a stocking to hang with ours).

GardenArtist: I like your response about what to get your loved one for Christmas. I know that taking him for a ride may be a little sad for him/you, but go anyway while he can still do this. I couldn't take my mom anywhere when she entered the nursing facility. She was in such a bad way, it was not possible. Enjoy the ride and the memories it brings. I also could use some body parts! Getting together with family members, not gifts, is truly worth more than anything. The gift of time can never break, it's never the wrong size, and is a special treasure. Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and God bless.

Fruit baskets made a nice gift for fruit lovers.

you use over there not sue^^^ grrrrr

Pamz nice idea - As we are moving I have just managed to get two comforter sets (Do you know its cheaper for me to buy from JC Penney and have it shipped than it is to buy the same ones at home? MADNESS) in two totally different colours with curtains to match. Got one in deep orange russets and browns for the winter and one in pretty pale pinks blue and yellows for the summer. As we will have neutral walls and carpet the changes will be easy to enact). Sad as I am I even managed to get lampshades in the same tones and contrasting tie backs . I am now intent on finding the curtain tracks you sue over there - they are far superior to ours so the hunt is on!

Maybe a bird feeder outside a window and lots of feed. Meet the squirrels enjoy it too as they are very entertaining. Maybe a sachet for closet or drawer. My mom needs a new brush

The best thing to give your elderly relative is your service. By that I mean they need their trash taken out, frig cleaned out, windows washed, etc. The LAST thing they need is one more trinket to dust.