She does not have the money to go into an assisted living facility. I do not have any diagnosis from her doctors, but my sisters, aunt and even her apartment manager all know something is wrong with her - some kind of dementia. She repeats herself, has hardly any short-term memory and shows signs of OCD - she fixates on one thing for awhile, then moves on to another thing.
I have had control of her checkbook, paying all the bills, since she got out of the hospital for a UTI in August. She had been having a slow downward progression with some kind of memory problem since 2014. Last year is when I started taking her to a neurologist. He says she has mild cognitive impairment or something, but did an MRI and said nothing is really wrong with her, just normal age-related stuff. I guess it's time to find a new doctor, but really, what can they do? Also the only neurologists are 40 minutes away, so when I take her, I have to take a half day off work. And if they can't do anything, why go?
Here you don't qualify to be in a nursing home unless you cannot feed, bathe or toilet yourself. She is not that bad yet. But if she keeps causing problems at her apt complex, they will evict her. I don't know where she can go then, so I'm trying to figure it out in advance, because I think that is where she is headed.
I probably need to call all 3 of the ALFs here and see if I can get her on the waitlist.
She lives in a senior citizen apt complex in case I didn't state that at the beginning. Anyway, she went Monday, but not today ( the exercise is held M,W & F).
It doesn't matter because the problem she is causing is that she keeps calling the emergency number and stating that she has no heat. When they get there, the heat works fine. This is after she reset the last unit so many times that they had to replace it. I've paid for two service calls that were unnecessary. I have a note taped to the heating unit that says to call my aunt (Auntie's request) for help with the heat, but Mom does not call her. She calls the emergency number. Anyway, she called the emergency number again last night and somehow was routed to the apt manager's boss, who, as relayed to me by the apt manager, said "If she calls again, she'll need to give her 30 days notice."
So I told Mom today she needs to find a new place to live. Maybe the new place will keep her until she qualifies for a nursing home. I am definitely not taking her in. She is already driving me crazy.
Also, the Area Agency on Aging (MAC, as it's called here) is not very helpful at all, about anything. They are either overworked or just terrible employees. I see no point in calling them for help. It seems there is no where for non-rich people to go between living on their own and a nursing home. No gap place. If she had money, I would put her in assisted living and I think she'd like it, but she can't afford it.
This is the link for Tennessee. https://www.ethra.org/programs/10/choices
You can check to see if your state has a choices program. They try to keep the elderly in their homes and out of nursing homes. Your income has to be under a certain amount to qualify. Mom has been on this program now for 2 years and it has helped me alot. I am her only caregiver. You could just look up choices program for your state.
Some folks with MCI can manage better with notes posted in various places. One woman I know put a note next to her front door: "What time is it? Stay INSIDE until 9 am." She would go to the door several times a night, see the note, and wait for morning.
Mostly when she left the apartment she would knock on neighboring doors asking if her daughter was there. After much discussion, it turned out that when her daughter was a teenager, she would duck chores by visiting neighboring children. The woman was repeating a pattern from 50 years before!
Yes on the ‘fake friend’! I have had to search and ask a lot of people for that too till I found a couple good people... she gets angry at one then I have to find another. The rates for agencies who send a CNA can be good if you meet their desired minimum hours per week. There may be churches or civic groups who have volunteers. The aging agency may have some leads.
Yes definitely try just bringing her to the senior center, once she’s there she’ll hopefully get a feel for it. I like FF’s point about them getting rigged into a volunteer duty there.
Best of luck, try some calls and visits! 💐
One time a writer said that the Staff made up a "volunteer needed" slot and that the writer's husband liked the sound of being a volunteer, so that got him to go to the senior center. His job was handling out flyers. He looked forward to see that the next day flyers were all about :)
My Mom wouldn't go because she was too shy over the fact she was now almost blind and could barely hear. My Dad wanted to go, but he wouldn't with out Mom.
Now I think I just need to make an appt. to try it out and pick her up one morning and tell her "we are going." Then she can see if she likes it or not. She definitely needs to get out of the house and she definitely needs something to do.
She is only on one medication and that is for her thyroid, and her doctor checks her blood work either every three or every six months, so I don't think she is chemically out of whack insofar as medicines or supplements.
Another idea I have had is to hire a fake "friend" to keep her company and take her with them whenever they run errands, maybe a couple days a week, just to get her out of the house. But my two candidates didn't work out. They were affordable and people that I know and trust. If the senior center doesn't work out, I will think of something eventually.
Is there a senior day care center nearby that your Mom can attend? That would give her reason to have a regular routine, and get her mind active again.
Another thing to check is what meds is your Mom taking? Something as simple as blood pressure medicine can make one feel very tired and make it hard to think straight. I had to have my dosage adjusted as it was zoning me out.