My father, who has late stage Alzheimer's and is dependent on others to be moved in the home, grew up as a child of WWII in a death camp. Every day for much of the morning, my mom, also a displaced child in WWII, places my dad in front of CNN to watch the news, which lately is only the war in Ukraine. My father sits 3 feet from the tv and watches the bombing scenes and people fleeing. He cannot move himself away from the tv as he has had multiple strokes and engages sometimes with the people on tv as if he is present with them in the scene. Each day/hour sometimes we have to repeat to him that what he sees in not his past. That he is safe and it is not happening to him now. I tell her this makes his overall day agitated and fearful. My entire life, daily, I would hear something from my mom about her bad past in the war and the camps. And now, as I return home to help them, I am hearing the endless news, her stories, and feeling almost panic that he must endure this traumatizing news daily. There is nothing I can do. I love them dearly, but I wonder how I will feel "set free" as a second generation survivor of the war one day when I will no longer hear the reruns from my mom.
Love can't fix trauma, so your job is just to love them..........please never forget how powerful it is in all the other ways it is given.
Your parents (and esp. your father) will always remember what he saw, heard and experienced as a child. Keeping him away from war movies will not make him forget. It will make YOU more comfortable.
APS can't help him and I'm not sure he's being "abused". I don't remember you saying much about HIS reaction. Sometime people who have survived horrible experiences have an odd tendency, a desire almost, to revisit the experience in their minds, sometimes over and over...as if they can imagine it with a better outcome, think of a better response or perhaps accept that it really did happen to them. Sometimes they don't talk about it. I don't know, but, for some, it seems a compulsion. That may be part of what drives your parents want to watch the films.
There are few people, now, that can share their experiences (except maybe residents of Ukraine). If you feel it is harming him mentally, aggravating his dementia, by all means try to give him something else to do or to watch.
But no matter what, you cannot make him forget! Movies or not, it will always be with him.
One part of PTSD is the repetition compulsion - putting yourself into a similar experience as the trauma, trying to control what happens and come to a different outcome - to master the situation where you were powerless and terrified.
Unfortunately for you, both of these mechanisms are active for both of your parents. The current war in Ukraine creates a 'perfect storm' of fear and pain.
Contact the VA, the nearest teaching hospital psychiatry program, hospice support groups, the local senior center, the state aging services department and ask for help for your parents, and for yourself in caring for them.
Sometimes aging parents listen to strangers better than to their own kids.
At one time in my area the local Jewish community groups provided training and resources for Holocaust survivors as they were aging, especially with dementia.
Thinking of all of you..this is heartbreaking.
Towards the end of her life, with all her friends gone and unable to get out on her own, she spent hours in front of the tv. She watched the news channels so should would be 'informed' just in case. So she would know if there was a nuclear attack and she could do....what, she didn't know. But she would 'know'. She was always seeking out the news ...it was like she was feeding her addiction to feeling terrified. I ended putting child locks on the 24 hour news stations but leaving the local on since they only came on 2x a day. She could watch TTN (old movies), Hallmark channel, the music channels, etc.
I understand where you are coming from. I know that my parents will never forget the horrific childhoods they had. It is heart breaking. And I feel honored that my parents have told me their truth. I can't imagine how difficult it would be to look into one's child's eyes and tell them their history. My mom does not repeat her stories over and over again to change the past in her mind. She told me when I was young it is so none of us can ever forget it, it is like a punishment to the world for putting her through it. It is not told in a way to try to make me as a better person. My father tells it to me in that way so I learn to understand all people, as he has also written a book. Being a narcissist, she always needs to be the one with the worst condition, the worst daily hardships, etc. It has gone on forever over any topic, not just her childhood or the war. She has become unbearable to people. It's not like it's become worse as she has aged, it has always been this way. The difficulty I have is that she and I are his lifeline as he is regressing back into the old language. She knows she has the power to make me leave and I have no way to stop it if she decides I may not be here with them. I can take the brunt of it, but I cannot NOT allow her to put on the war channels as it is in her home. I also think she does this to see my reaction. Yes, mostly, I realize I have been venting. Thank you everyone for responding. I have learned so much about others' compassion. Yes, sadly the horrific experiences for the Ukrainians are real. With the human brain becoming more and more advanced, one would think something so barbaric could not be even real. Sadly, if we never learn this, man will one day bring the end to us all. We all need to be gentle on this world.
Parental controls are there for a reason.
My husband was a child in Warsaw during WW2. When he was middle aged he was eventually diagnosed with PTSD from the trauma he experienced as a child.
Fast forward to his late70s. He was in a rehab facility after some surgery. He had some dementia. The tv was turned to the History channel, and my husband watched it for hours, When I came to visit him the next day, he was in a terrible state of mind. The WW2 events were relived through the TV. It took him awhile to get past that horror he was exposed to. Of course, I tried my best to keep any war type programs away from him for the rest of his life. I would put programs on like Roy Rogers and benign programs from the better times in his life.
How savvy is your mother with the TV controls? Perhaps you can block some channels like CNN. Perhaps you could get her interested in turning on programs like cooking, gardening, house remodelling, I Love Lucy, etc.
I am so sorry for the suffering your parents experienced. The current news has all of us upset. My husband’s father was with the Polish Government in Exile in London during and after the war. When he said his good-byes to my 4 year old husband and his mother, they did not reunite for 9 years. My husband and his mother went through a lot of close calls and ultimately were in a displaced persons camp before they were able to get to England.
Put on TV land or some other channel like that and take the remote in the other room.
That poor man I can't even imagine what it must be like to be a death camp survivor, have Alzheimer's and be forced to watch the war in Ukraine for hours at a time. The OP's mother needs to stop doing that because it is cruelty and psychological torture for the father.
I'm so sorry your husband suffered the terror of WWII Poland. Then reliving it in color by seeing it on the History Channel. That is terrible.
Your post is more of venting than seeking advice from everyone here, so I will not offer an advice unsolicited. But I agree with those who said to switch the TV to something more helpful, such as a nature show or music.
My Armenian GM only told us that her parents hid the children between large sacks of potatoes, but eventually the Turks figured that out and stuck swords into the potato sacks when they rampaged through villages. I NEVER saw my grandmother ever eat potatoes.
Do those of you who think that these kinds of memories can be dispelled , or worse yet, really believe that these kinds of experiences can be just vanquished in that the OP's parents are in abusive situations and need to dispel their memories ?
If you do, you're wrong. I see some of the regular posters fall into this trap, and think that they just might not understand how horrific the experience is. Perhaps you could benefit from reading more on the genocides. Forty Days at Musa Dagh is one, addressing the Armenian Genocide, which preceded the Jewish Genocide committed by the Nazis.
https://www.history.com/topics/world-war-i/armenian-genocide or
https://www.armenian-genocide.org/musa_dagh.html
I read a few pages of Forty Days before I was too overwhelmed to continue it. But for someone who thinks that involving APS, or "counseling" survivors is an option, it would be a good learning experience.
I think you need to really read some of the histories, such as the Diary of Anne Frank, or novels based on fact but with fictional characters (protecting those who really did experience the horrors). Calling APS or criticizing survivors is perhaps one of the worse things that someone can do. Flashbacks could occur, the individuals might think they're back in WWII. Minds can play strange and horrific tricks on survivors.
And for those who have fallen into this method of response, I'm not criticizing you directly, as you apparently (and fortunately) have no experience in these horrors, but w/o knowing more, it's delicate to recommend a course of action for a life changing (or ending) experience about which you have no real experience.
Just one comment on someone else who survived the camps. There was a woman in rehab when my mother was, a very well groomed woman, pleasant, but with an overall presentation of shyness, of withdrawal. She finished rehab, but returned before Mom was discharged, with a broken foot, and the look of terror in her eyes.
I was in the rehab facility when she was brought in the second time, and saw that look when I greeted her. I went back a week or so later and went to her room to visit. One of the staff just looked at me, holding back tears and shaking her head. She said the second event was just too much for this woman, and brought back too many memories. While she didn't divulge the source, I was sure it came from her family.
The woman had been in one of the camps during WWII, and had horrible memories of being confined. Although "confinement" wasn't an appropriate term for being in rehab, it brought back memories of a more heinous confinement decades earlier.
These are NOT the kinds of experience that can be dealt with by APS.
This is the effect the news has had on my husband, a retired AF vet. He loves history especially military and space history. I learned long ago that many negative issues we were dealing with was related to the books, movies and TV shows he enjoyed... mostly about world politics and wars (past or present). He had REM sleep disorder which meant he acted out his dreams, which often related to what his mind was exposed to during the day. When I finally learned to limit what he reads and watches, his sleep drastically improved over time.
As a Viet Nam vet, he never experienced actual war but he was in Communication dealing with a lot messages directly relating to it. Later he was in the Air Guard, then Active Reserve in Communication and Intelligence. He was activated at the end of Desert Storm but only actively served for one month on a stateside base. Whenever there is any breaking news, he expresses concern they will activate him again and he knows he would struggle because of his age and poor health. Our family has tried to reassure him over and over he would not have to go even if they called.
At his recent physical I asked our geriatrician if she would write an excuse for him to use if he is activated. She graciously wrote a statement saying he does not have the ability to serve in the military and contact her if they have questions. It is on official letterhead and I keep it on the refrigerator. I've seen him reading it and it seems to reassure him as he has not brought it up since.
There have been lots of discussion how the news can affect children and how to address various issues. Perhaps some of the suggestions to use with a child may be appropriate to try with someone declining cognitively. We all struggle at times knowing the difference between fake news and truth. This is enhanced for a person already struggling with what is reality or hallucinations and separating the past from the present.
Block CNN and the other News Stations.
Is your mom aware of what she is doing to your dad? If so this is beyond cruel and borders on mental abuse.
IF she is not aware of what the effects of this I wonder about her cognitive abilities. Is she also experiencing some dementia or "mild cognitive impairment".
Can she care for him properly and safely?
" I would have a deep discussion with your Mother about what happened to her and find out if her Husband being near death is haunting her ?"
Are you serious? Do you have any idea how traumatic this would be?
I am not well versed on electronic things but don't all TV's have a parental control feature?
Id have all News channels removed from cable and let them know thankfully, no news today! All is well 😁
You dad would most likely love some of the NATGO National Geographic special videos of awesome places around the world, as here at home.
Almost anything else would less depressing.
My dad fought in WWII and he refused any news except talk radio, and it's only gotten worse.
Your father having survived a Nazi death camp, I can't even imagine. Your father also having late-stage Alzheimer's makes seeing such images torture. He should not ever be seeing one second of what's going in in Ukraine. You make no mention of your mother having any kind of dementia. If she doesn't then she needs to be told that putting a person with Alzheimer's in front of the tv to watch what's going on in Ukraine is cruel. To do it to a WWII death camp survivor is actual torture. Psychological torture. It is also elder abuse. There is something you can do. That something is to make her understand that what she is doing to your father is elder abuse and because of his history is also torture. That either she stops putting your elderly death-camp survivor father with Alzheimer's in front of the tv to watch the war, or you will call APS and report her.
I think your mother could well benefit from being put in touch with a support group for people who have been displaced by war and who have survived torture. There are groups like this. We have one in my city that was started by two Kurdish women who are survivors. Your mother needs to be able talk to other survivors about what her experience was and to share that experience with others who can understand. Sharing it with your father now is cruelty because of his Alzheimer's. I wish you peace and hope you can get your mom to a support group.