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smelltheroses Posted April 2015
Calling me by my sister's name.
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Why does it bother me when my mom frequently calls me by my sister's name? I know I'm probably overreacting. I'm my mom's caregiver. Oldest of 2 and the other one has fallen off the face of the earth. I suppose it could be buried resentment. My earliest memories are always seeing mom and sister together and it didn't change into adulthood. I was generally sent off with dad or others. Maybe it's a personality thing. It's just so time consuming at times to console myself that it's 'nothing'. Just 2 syllables uttered by mom and I instantly get cranky. Anyone have a SHORT mantra I can recite to myself?
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5 Comments
gladimhere Apr 2015
Roses, you might try "it is only a phase". It is the dementia, she does not remember your name but recognizes you as someone she cares about. At tge same time she remembers your sister's name, but not her face. That is how dementia works, pieces of reality get completely scrambles, nothing makes sense. Eventually even sisters name will leave her, never to return.
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Coffeemaid Apr 2015
For about a decade before he died, my husband's 92-year-old father couldn't remember anyone's name, so he called everyone "Chum". How ya doin', Chum? Is there coffee, Chum? It was endearing at first. At the end, he only called my husband "Dave" (not his name! and no one we know)....it was heart-rending, but soon got to be a joke. Fifteen years later, we still say, "Dave's not here, man" sometimes. You have to take it lightly; they really don't know what they're doing.
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freqflyer Apr 2015
My sig other did that most of his adult life according to his grown son and daughter.... they were called by each other's name, by the cat's name, by his wife's name, etc. They just ignored it.
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Francis Apr 2015
My Mom is calling me Gloria. I have no idea who Gloria is or was in her life. She sometimes gets it right, but I have come to just accept it . Gloria is a heck of a lot better than "son of a beehive" when she gets mad ;) She sometimes gets that phrase "right" too. This disease teaches you to not take those things to heart, they can hurt sometimes, esp. if having a bad day..you don't need verbal abuse on top of it. That's when the practice of patience really becomes real.
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solegiver Apr 2015
My dad did the same thing to me. I cared for him myself with NO help from my sisters. He had dementia and cancer. He would always call me my oldest sister's name. It annoyed me, because she avoided any responsibility or even the consideration of a phone call or a visit for dad. She was the first born, but they weren't as close as dad and me. I think we need to realize they don't me us any disrespect, or hurtfulness when they do this. Just know that you are the one taking care of your mom, and she can't help calling you your sister's name. I don't know if your mom has dementia like my dad, but my dad would go from calling me Fran or Faye (my mom's name). Once in a blue moon he'd remember my name. But I tell you, toward the end of his life, with me at his bedside he KNEW it was ME...the one who cared enough to be with him and care for him, and I believe when we die our souls - our spirit doesn't have illness or forgetfulness any more, and they KNOW who was there for them. In the meantime, maybe you could just take a deep cleansing breath, and say to yourself, "it's ALL good!" I'm wishing you the best. :)
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