My mom is the last stages of CHF. The nursing home called me Saturday Night my mom was having chest pain...3 nitro's later still a 9 out of 10. I told her (a new nurse) that morphine would help and she had a morphine order from the doctor. Hospice had released her again because she was stable and since they released her she has taken a turn for the worse. Imagine that ?? When I got to the nursing home Saturday night after the morphine it was a 5. I asked the nurse for another dose (she can have it ever hour) and I stayed with her until it went away and she went to sleep. Today her breathing is very ragged. I took her up front to have her oxygen changed out it was almost in the red. She said that helped. Her lunch arrived when I got her back to her room and she was still so out of breath eating was difficult. I asked them to check her oxygen level it was 94.....just eating was wearing her out and me too cause I caught myself trying to breath for her. I even wondered if maybe she had a heart attack Saturday Night since she was so much worse today. I don't want to watch this I don't want her to just drown in all that stuff in her lungs. She does not seem to be too anxious, but I sure am. I feel like I am losing my mind. The staff told me to stop coming everyday, take a break, but when I don't go I am just fixated on her.example being I am at work right now typing this and that is after goggling CHF and reading the same thing over and over again. The head nurse and I are really close at the nursing home and she assures me they have it under control and are watching her ..I cannot get away from it and I think I am losing my mind. I take Effexor and have for a few years for anxiety and 1/2 mil of Xanax for those completely out of control moments which just seem to come more frequently. I am fixer and I feel just helpless. I have talked to hospice social workers, nurses...See I know no one but the good Lord has the answer and I ain't getting it..I asked today if she should be in bed, but the nurse they would like her to stay up as long as she isn't anxious and she isn't. The breathing and the coughing are just so hard to watch. I want to know how the story ends..I want to know what I am going to witness before the end. I don't want her to her to struggle. I am a 59 years old shouldn't I be able to handle this better ? I have always thought I was strong now I am not so sure. Also, still waiting on results from my MIL's MRI and CT for her rectal cancer. I know it sounds like a pity party, but it is actually a I am losing my mind party. Rant over and out... ;-)
Oh ya. Fixers -- and American culture encourages fixers -- probably have the worst time coping with chronic diseases that can't be fixed. Not only do we ache for our loved one, but it hurts to face the truth about our limitations. If you've had a counselor in the course of the drugs you take, this would be a good time for a few sessions with that person.
A friend who has Lewy Body Dementia (another evil SOB chronic illness) recently had a heart attack. On Facebook he had this to say about caregivers and his support network: They are "helpless in the end result, but not helpless in the struggle."
We have to accept that the outcome is out of our hands. We can be there for our loved ones through the struggle. It sounds like your mother is in a very good setting for her current needs. Do what you can to give Mom some bright spots in her days. Please lighten your own burden by jettisoning any guilt or dismay over not being all-powerful.
Hugs to you, your mother, and your mother-in-law.
reading makes you realize that your situation isnt unique .
our journey took a full year . the situation is going to be ever changing and never for the better . compassion and support is all you can offer . you have to be kind and matter of fact - like with the patient . they dont need anxiety or unwarranted optomism from you . they understand theyre at the end of their life and just want you to bravely walk beside them .
It isn't the horrible skeleton with a scythe.It's a freedom that gives them wings and set them free from their pain.
It may seem a difficult "passing" to the onlooker but the dying usually embrace it's tap on their shoulder.
What you think you see will seem as if they are physically suffering, struggling to hold onto life but that's only the body letting go.Most suffer little pain as they come closer to death. We all die.The hardest part of dying is watching those around us suffer because of it.Tell your mother is alright,Tell her you will be alright though you miss her. Make peace with yourself.You can not stop death but you can do her life proud by living yours guilt free.